I got through the weekend solo... whew.

[hazelnut321]

This has been a weekend of regrouping, the first weekend since my break up with J. I miss his laugh, his scrambled eggs with cheese and his breath on my neck. (A tear just fell.)

 

Being solo is tougher as we get older, I turned 50 last year. Obviously there are fewer eligible partners- then narrow that down because about 1 out of 5 will lead to a 2nd date. I've been divorced a looong time, this ain't my first rodeo. In a way it's easier though. I'm much more self-sufficient than I was in my youth- more comfortable in my own skin. I actually enjoy my company more now. That's a good thing, cause it looks like I'm stuck with just me for a little while.

 

I love J like no other man before, but I'm going to leave him his thoughts. He has alot of chaos to deal with. Whatever happens-- I will be fine, it's just going to take some time.

[bunny45]

I am so enjoying your posts.

 

I'm going through a break up with no contact and it's killig me inside.

 

Reading your insight and thoughts are really helping me.

 

Thank you very much!

[hazelnut321]

Thank you Bunny45,

 

I know exactly how you feel. It's physically painful- but necessary.

 

This has been a wonderful outlet for me. It's so comforting to share similar experiences with people. There truly are no accidents. This site is a Godsend.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I just responded to your previous thread. I think in the long run this is much better for you. You probably would have ended up slowly on the backburner as time went on.

[hazelnut321]

I've thought of that Crazyaboutdogs- and you could be right.

 

He seemed to have enough love to spread around and was very attentive. Too bad he couldn't verbalize it.

[catfeeder]

Hazelnut, you're not only fabulous, you're my favorite coffee.

 

I just replied to your earlier thread, too, I'm glad you've opened another because I think while sometimes we need to walk through specific lines of thinking in rational, logical ways, we can still speak and 'see' through the heart to get our most compassionate and 'whole-istic' glimpses of ourselves.

 

You're recognizing some of the advantages of your maturity, and this will serve you in contrasting the differences in dating from when we were kids. It's not about the numbers or the odds--that's a carryover belief from the days when we tried to cater to mass appeal by treating ourselves as a product to be marketed.

 

It only takes one 'right' partner, and that partner isn't every-man. Most of us have tried too hard to make the wrong guys 'fit' instead of allowing mis-matches to pass early. I try to counter the pop-messages of age scarcity with a more esoteric message about discretion, readiness and capacity for love. Nobody can rush this stuff--it comes with experience.

 

If you're at all like me, you didn't spend your latest years catering to an urgency to hook up with anybody to avoid being alone. You've grown into yourself and sense a readiness and solidity that you didn't enjoy UNTIL you got there. So this is a time to enjoy some exploration on higher ground rather than a time of repeating the fruitless searches in yesteryear's sandboxes--no need for concern about going back to that place, but you know that. Sure, you'll grieve this latest disappointment, but you'll also amaze yourself with your resiliency and strength. I think you're doing that already.

 

Cheers, and my best,

Cat