back in contact with ex after a year, lost new partner :(

[Leon91]

This all seems like never ending pain

 

me and my ex split almost a year ago.. and didnt talk at all for almost a year.

we met the other day to register the birth of our second daughter

 

since then i have met my partner ( well, now ex )

and have let her move in and i settled down really fast

i found myself straight back to feeling in love, so was she.

 

then as soon as me and my ex T

( ill refer to the 1st ex as T and the latest ex as L )

were able to talk and get along as parents and arrange to break the ice and clear the air over our past

 

L starts to get very clingy and paranoid

we visited her parents and on the way she chose not to come home. she wanted to stay there and calm down

fair enough

 

we at the time were still together and carried on as normal and i expected her home in a few days

but yesterday she text me saying her father would be down to start collecting her stuff and that it was over.

 

totaly out of the blue considering she was sending me very sweet texts only hours before

then she removed me from facebook

and didnt really bother contacting me throughout the day and then went out drinking with friends.

 

i am trying to stay as strong as i can because i know just how bad things can get if it gets to me,been there before

 

its now 7:45am sunday

 

im hoping L is up soon so i can try visit her, as we can always talk so much easier face to face.

thats if she wants to of course.

 

but im just so down about it

 

that lump in my throat i so hated before when me and T split

is back again now me and L are no more

 

i just cant believe i have had to go through this twice with two separate women in such a short time..

[WAlien]

*hugs* She definitely owes you an explanation. If she's replying to your texts still, ask her if she wants to talk about your relationship.

 

I can understand how she's clingy and paranoid about it, I mean I would be paranoid too but the thing is that you have children with T and it's expected that you keep in contact with her somehow. I guess you'll need to make her feel secure. Ask her how you can.

[CatsMeeoow]

So my understanding is that you have children with one woman but you haven't seen her in a year? Have you seen your children during that time?

 

I can see where the other is quite confused and frankly a little scared. Here is a man who hasn't had one bit of contact with his kids or their mother in over a year and now suddenly things are different. It is a game changer for sure. Maybe she doesn't see herself as step mom material? Maybe is afraid that now that anger is lessening between you and your childrens mother that she feels she is competing with her and your kids for your attention.

 

Maybe the best thing for you before jumping into a such a serious relationship with another woman is to figure out your role as a parent to your kids, for the kids well being you have to establish some rules and contact with their mother - it makes parenting easier and the kids are more relaxed if you two get a long, and then... and only then when you have most of your ducks lined up a great relationship is possible because you know who you are which makes it easier for your partner to get to know you.

 

Heartache is tough... But, at the end of the day your kids need you the most right now - establish good and fair parenting time now (unless I have misunderstood you and you have been with your kids over the last year.)

 

Hugs!

[LaceWing]

It sounds like L felt threatened by the situation and decided to bail out. Maybe the two of you would have served the relationship better by not rushing into anything, and taking things slow. You don't have to rush into settling down with someone.

 

Also being in touch with your ex (the mother of your child) is the right thing to do, but not for her sake, for the sake of your child. If you stay in touch with her for the sake of your child, then that contact will not impede on your relationship with another woman.