Completely clueless guy here!!

[username12345]

I was married for almost 9 years and have two children. We didn't get along very well for probably the second half of the marriage. In March, she left and had a boyfriend within weeks. I was devastated of course.

 

Here I have to stop and tell another story. I've had a female co-worker for the past two years who has always knowingly had a crush on me. She was married as well to an abusive man who she finally divorced about 6 months prior to my ex-wife leaving me. We never had any relations prior to any of this, but we did always have a certain chemistry between us. That's it though. No cheating. No flirting. Just chemistry. I feel like it's worth mentioning that she is a genuinely nice person.

 

Now, back to the original story. When I first heard that my wife (now ex) was dating this guy just weeks after we were separated, I immediately called the other girl and asked her to hang out with me the following night with some friends (at this point I was just doing it out of spite). Hanging out lead to a lunch date, and that lead to a couple other dates and a kiss and cuddling etc, but nothing further. At this point I know I wasn't ready to be in a relationship again, but of course it felt good to have someone actually pay attention to me, but that wasn't enough. I tried to push it into something more serious than it should have been. I was borderline creepy even, trying to make something new into something really serious. I blame this on my fear of being alone which I still have to some degree, but no where near what I had then. I kept pushing and pushing until eventually she just told me she wasn't ready for any kind of relationship and completely broke it off.

 

Up until about a month ago, I was still trying on occasion (usually when drinking which is something I was doing more than normal for a while) to spark something up again and get her talking to me in the same sense again. I showed no patience whatsoever with the situation either. I'd even get mad at her which is completely unlike me. I was mean and self centered about the whole thing.

 

These things aren't who I really am. I've been going through a very dark point in my life which I finally feel myself starting to come out of. I genuinely do like this girl, but I've done so much being a creep and a jerk to see any way that I can prove to her that this isn't the person I really am. I've since left that job and don't have the opportunity to just be myself around her anymore. I've said so much at this point. Is there any way to express myself to her in a way that she may consider giving me another chance? I can't believe that anything I say won't just sound like a load of crap. And maybe it will seem creepy yet again that the situation actually matters to me when all we really had was a short lived few dates etc?

 

Also, I'm aware that there are "plenty of fish in the sea" and all that jazz. In no way do I think that I need this girl to be happy or anything like that, but I also know that it's pretty hard to find someone who you're physically attracted to and who's values/morals etc are what you'd like to find in a person. I can't help thinking that things would have gone a LOT better had I waited until now or later to make the first move that I made months ago.

 

I guess the ultimate question is: Is there anything I can say at this point or do I just let this one go?

[Snuggly]

Try writing her an email, explaining what you have written here and apologising for your past behaviour. Tell her you would really like to try again, now you have your head together. Its less confrontational and creepy than in person and gives her time to think. Accept her answer, whether she says yes or no. Good luck

[username12345]

Well, I pretty much summed up what I said here and I'm pretty sure it went well. Now I just have to learn to exercise a little more patience as well. I've been married for so long, I'm not very good at being single and communicating with women as a single guy. Wish me luck!