Imposing on friends

[skeeter99]

Are there anyone out there who sometimes don't want to ask their close friends out or ask for favors because you don't want to impose on them? If so, what caused you to feel that way? I have a friend who seems to do this and it kind of bothers me because I seem to be the one asking her out the majority of the time or asking if she's ok. We're close but sometimes I feel that she still keeps me at an arms length. Any feedback regarding this would be great.

[WAlien]

*raises hand*

I don't really like asking people for help unless it's my bf as I'm a really independent person but the other part of me fears that if I ask people for help/favours too much, they'll think I'm annoying and stop liking and wanting to be friends with me.

 

Strange how I say this cause heaps of my friends impose on me!

[stuka80]

i'm sure people wont mind being imposed on by their friends. yea it's a bother sometimes, but they're your friends. you're suppose to be able to count on them and you'll definitely know which ones are your friends and which ones are not when things go south.

[skeeter99]

i'm sure people wont mind being imposed on by their friends. yea it's a bother sometimes, but they're your friends. you're suppose to be able to count on them and you'll definitely know which ones are your friends and which ones are not when things go south.

 

I agree. I don't mind being imposed on by my good friends because I'm there for them and want to help. That's why I don't get why the friend I'm talking about (who I am really close to, but isn't best friends with) sometimes does what she does. But I think WAlien's response does explain it a bit. So should I just accept this then or should I say something? Another thing, I don't want to ask her out too much because I don't want to be annoying. Haha

[ChellyV]

why dont you just ask her why she doesnt ask? possibly reach deeper, maybe she has something to say.

as for me, i try not to ask because i do not want to be a burden. but i know my friends will gladly help if they can.

[Pampus]

Well, I think it depends on what you are asking them to do. I sometimes ask friends to help me with things that I can't do for myself or use their skills that I lack and to me that is all part of friendship. I don't do it often, mind.

As far as asking people if they would like to do things, I think that is essential so that the relationship isn't one sided. But, if you find that you have to ask a lot more and often initiate, maybe your friend is not regarding you as close of a friend as you'd like.

I have a variety of friends and types or levels of friendship. Some I do keep at arms length because I find they are imposing, argumentative or rude when I spend a certain amount of time with them. So what I do, is let in people that energise me, most of the time, and keep those who are negative or don't enhance my life at arms length. I do think though that part of being a close friend is letting your friends vent and share challenges and interpersonal problems with you and I don't mind that. But I don't like friends who aren't cooperative and congenial. But that's my bar for closeness. You don't have to let everyone into your life and feel that you have to be 'close'. I think a few loyal and fun friends is optimum, when you consider how much time you have. Look after yourself and you can't be close to everyone you want to be close to. It's life. You'll find those that reciprocate and those are the ones you want in your life, anyway. You are allowed to ask for what you need.

[skeeter99]

I've realized that it is a one-sided friendship. I'm planning to distance myself and to treat her the way she treats me. If she makes more of an effort, then perhaps I will reconsider, but for now if she wants to hang out she has my number and she'll have to reach out.

[Ganjette_69]

This reminds me a lot of me and my friend. Except, I am the one usually unable to do anything. I feel bad because she asks me to hang out a lot and asks me if I am okay, but I am just so drained from taking care of my grandma 24/7 that I can't. Aside from that she lives so far away and doesn't drive and I just don't have the money for gas. She thinks the same thing you do, which is understandable but I just don't have the energy. Maybe if I wasn't always the ride and someone came to me for once then it'd be different. I also don't try and reschedule because I just don't know what my schedule will be like. My life is too obnoxious. So just be patient and tell her how you feel.

[skeeter99]

This reminds me a lot of me and my friend. Except, I am the one usually unable to do anything. I feel bad because she asks me to hang out a lot and asks me if I am okay, but I am just so drained from taking care of my grandma 24/7 that I can't. Aside from that she lives so far away and doesn't drive and I just don't have the money for gas. She thinks the same thing you do, which is understandable but I just don't have the energy. Maybe if I wasn't always the ride and someone came to me for once then it'd be different. I also don't try and reschedule because I just don't know what my schedule will be like. My life is too obnoxious. So just be patient and tell her how you feel.

 

I understand what you're saying. She does have a lot on her plate and is usually exhausted at the end of the day. However, I'm the one who goes to her most of the time because of this. It's just tiring always having to ask and it makes me look like I have no life, which is untrue because I also get busy and have other responsibilities. The only difference is I know how to juggle my time and give people who ask me out quality time, even if it does mean scheduling things a month or so in advance. Oh well. I'll be around if she contacts me but I am no longer going to be the one asking all the time.