Things are falling apart and I'm finding it hard to stop it

[dffg]

Hi,

 

I think I will start by telling you guys a little about myself. I am 25, athletic build, decent looking. I feel I have put myself in relatively good positions in life. I will be finishing my degree soon at a reputable university; I have a good paying job with the government and I have great friends and family. I am very lucky to know these people as they broaden my horizons and help me reach for good things.

 

My actions over the past 2-3 years have left me feeling alone and depressed however; and there is a sort of void I don't understand. I've always had trouble connecting with people and now I've become very self destructive. I am constantly told about how much I have going for me but I don't appreciate it enough because I'm just not happy overall. Over the past few years I have gone from the reputation of being a happy, nice and hardworking guy to a drunk fool who is barely holding onto things. I've been drinking a lot and there has been more than a few occasions where I've embarrassed myself. I've just lost a certain dignity and self respect that's made me so much of who I am. I'm a shell of a man I once was.

 

I've also recently lost a very good friend of 8 years and up until 2 years ago things were good but my anger and frustrations took her away from me. I was angry at myself and frustrated with her because she wasn't able to help me the way I wanted. She was supposed to be my confidant but she was never there for me when I needed her. This has made me feel even more alone but I am looking forward to the change.

 

This all leads to my situation now, I am at the lowest point of my life and am dragging myself. I have lost my closest confidant and have risked everything in my life. I am so bumbed out and am becoming very self destructive. My situation now is that I might lose my job and about to get kicked out of school. I went to work drunk and am now suspended. I have a meeting next week and I hope all I get is written up. I also failed one of my courses which is going to result in me getting kicked out of school. Luckily, I am able to take a re-examination but I need to get myself together for me to do well.

 

I know what I need to do, I just needed to rant and maybe gain some perspective on this. I have lost my self respect, the respect of my friends and family, I have risked my job and future. I just feel too worn out and low to deal with this.

[Xylitol]

You are what we call a 'show off', you're life on the inside is so dreadfull that in fear of being caught of this you 'pretend' in a shallow way to the 'outside' world that you 'are so good blah blah blah' ,why else would you write? I am 25, athletic build, decent looking. I feel I have put myself in relatively good positions in life. Other then to defend yourself,and doing this because you are so inconfident about yourself that you feel that you should justify yourself to the outside world ? We are here to help you, not to judge you. Learn that you are your own 'judge, jury and executor in life. You don't need anyone to justify yourself to, because in the end no one can live your life for you but you yourself, meaning you have to become a responsible adult who has to be in charge of his own life, and the first thing is by aknowledging you are messed up and have a severe problem. That is step 1, second is aknowledging that you cannot get out of it without help, 3 is restoring your life.

 

You know, a tooth can look great from the outside, but it can be hollow and rotton from the inside, without a decent operation the entire tooth will die, you my friend are dying on the inside because you allowed negativity to get into your life.

 

You have to aknowledge that you are not invincible, you are fragile. Are you fireproof? No right you die when you are on fire ,so what makes you think you can withstand alcohol/drugs/smoking sigarettes in a simular way? These things people use to supress their symptoms, they are NOT problem solvers.

 

You should become very strict, and not allow ANYTHING negative into your life, just like a garbage man you need to throw everything negative out of your life on a continues basis. Throw it out, and goto AA meetings to let them help you. Aknowledge that you are an alcoholic and need to help yourself and allow others who can help you to get you out of this situation.

 

That friend of yours is NOT a psychiatrist, you cannot expect people to solve your problems. Sometimes the best thing to tell people is to tell them to help themselves. You have to stop yourself from rotting on the inside, you have to revert to a healthy lifestyle, jogging , eating fruits and vegetables, and studying and having the knowledge that you cannot afford living a bad lifestyle and live a good lifestyle , aknowledge that you cannot do everything as you please, your body has things that will destroy it if it comes into contact with, if you don't take good care of yourself who will? No ones gonna care if you die ,so you better take good care of yourself instead. And find the 'friend in need is a friend indeed' kind of friends for your life.

 

Maby overwork has caused all of this i don't know, i think working hard is necessary to achieve things in life, just remember that you need to work to live, not live to work, because that last one can destroy you. Take good care of yourself.

[Mustachio]

Well I will say it anyways. Stop drinking.

 

Now, the rest, well I think we are all struggling with what you are going through to some degree or another. The problem with a situation like this is its not a simple diagnosis. Chances are if this has been affecting you for some time, you may need to speak to a therapist and get some real help to sort out the root of this problem.

 

Keeping a better attitude may help somewhat. I know its hard but sometimes you just have to force yourself to do what you need and keeping a good attitude about it makes it a lot easier.

 

I also wonder, the first thing you decide to tell us about yourself is a physical characteristic. Is it possible you have trouble seeing yourself as others do... maybe difficulties fitting into a mold that isnt of your own choosing? Personally, I find it very difficult, while I am out of shape at the moment, I know I have lots of other things going for me, yet I struggle with them and part of the reason is because I am unsure of the path I want to take in life, and conforming to the standard path just feels wrong.

[dffg]

Thanks for the replies guys. You guys are right. I needed help and I need to take a step back and assess things. This is exactly what I'm doing now. It happened, I got kicked out of school, lost my job, and lost some good friends. I've decided I need to keep to myself and assess what I want around me. I've talked to a few people and we've talked about what lies ahead for me. I'm not going to rush back into anything and I'm going to take things slow. I haven't drank in about a week and plan to go for awhile. As long as I keep to myself and do things to keep myself happy I'll be good.

 

I'm going to take a year off before I even think about going back to school. I'm going to read... maybe I'll travel... I feel more liberated than anything...I'll finally be able to spend some time for myself I'm looking forward to my time ahead.

 

My parents are going to totally freak haha but its ok.

 

Anyways, it would be great if you guys could maybe recommend a good book to read or a good movie to watch.

 

Thanks.