Guy (friend) got a boner from a hug :U

[ryosym]

(18 years old)

A guy that's a very close friend (but I'm not attracted to him in any way.. just a good friend), came over to my house. In the end, he gave me a hug from behind and apparently got a boner. I felt it on my butt/lower back, so I asked if that was his belt buckle or something .. He replied that he never wears a belt xD and added that "you probably feel it on your back.."

He's awkward, but loves to hug me tightly- a longer period of time, I think, than "just friends". xD

I have my suspicions. But he insists that I'm just an extremely close friend, and when I try to convince him that he probably does love me in more than one way-- he's resilient that he doesnt.

 

more info, he's told me that he's somehow sexually attracted to me. And has jerked off to me before .. I just feel kind of flattered.

 

So to get to the point ... does he love me more than just friends, and maybe doesnt realize it himself? o.o Or something..

reasons/thoughts? o.o

[DanDee]

I'd be a bit creeped out - not flattered! I'd be wondering about his motives and why he was my close 'friend'.

 

Anyway he clearly wants more from you and it's up to you to set him straight!

[Ariel85]

LOL. I think most 18-year old guys get hard when the wind blows. I wouldn't consider it a sign of "love".

 

I was once sharing a bed with a gay BFF while away on a weekend trip. When we went to bed after being out clubbing all night, he was spooning me, and had a raging hardon. I told him that a useless hardon was nothing more than a nuisance, and to put that thing away. lol.

 

Point is, he was 100% gay and still was erect. It doesn't take much for some (most) guys.

[mouseno4]

Sadly there are some guys who cannot control this. It is just a fact of life for some of us.

 

Girls taking offense to this are just being nasty. Some guys dont even have to have looked at a girl to instantly get one. Some others only get it up after some female 'encouragement'.

[Lamour detruit]

 

more info, he's told me that he's somehow sexually attracted to me. And has jerked off to me before .. I just feel kind of flattered.

 

Newsflash: friends that are just and only that do not talk of how attracted they are to you and that they jerk off to the mere thought of you.

 

That is all that needs to be said on the matter.

[ryosym]

LOL wow o.o I'll keep those comments in mind next time, haha. xD

He gets extremely embarrassed over his perverseness, so I let it go as /cute/. He treats it like he's confessing some horrible personal problem to me-- probably what makes me flattered and go /oh dear/.

But I'm not sure what to think now. 0.0; lol!

Ehhh probably time to set him straight then? haha xD

[mouseno4]

If you feel something for him, then perhaps you better tell him. If you dont, then yes, set him straight. Best not to allow one way attraction loose.

 

Oh and just as an added note - there are some guys who have an attraction to a girl, but are too afraid of rejection to tell her about it. They may get 'boners' but will never act or do anything out of fear.

[ryosym]

Will do. I have no attraction to him whatsoever xD

Ur, assuming it's gone loose ..

 

(Wow I'm confused right now lol). o_O

 

Basically, our friendship is so close that we're comfortable talking with each other about these kinds of topics (it gets very detailed, hohum). I'm more or less just amused, since I pose most of the questions for him. He tends to feel horrible about himself after answering, so I reassure him with a lol and an "it's okay, it's perfectly normal", and those things.

Urm, I guess we have a strange relationship that borders between friendship and something else. But it will never go over--speaking for myself.

[mouseno4]

Well in that case, i think you are bordering on leading him on. Kinda almost cruel i guess.

[ryosym]

Yes, sir! o_o You're probably right aahhdlskfj

 

Urm urm. He knows for sure that he won't be crossing that border either, 100%. But at the same time, he says/does those things.

 

Oh yeah, that's why I posted this topic. x.x

[mouseno4]

Obvious he knows what he wants and that he cannot ever have it. But simply saying that to yourself does not flick the switch to 'off'.

 

I think that if you cared enough for his feelings, you would end the friendship and cause him as little pain as possible not being able to have what he desires.

[ryosym]

I must be dense then. x_x;

Alright. I can't end the friendship, but maybe keeping it at more of a distance would help. @_@ Or.. at least, not talking about those things then. aahhh.

Thanks for discussing.

[greywolf]

I don't think you have to put a distance between yourself and your friend. Just make it clear where you stand, and only put distance between yourselves if he cannot respect your boundaries.

[motleylou]

It's like Larry David says in curb your enthusiasm " 5 seconds,5 mississippi and then it's out of my control". Basically he's saying after 5 seconds of contact with a girl he has no control over that happening. Pretty funny on tv but in real life while it's happened to the best of us, you gotta try and hide it better than that.

[agatha]

just a note here, or else we'll be getting a 'he lead me on' thread in the near future:

 

a guy gets a boner while hugging you = he's sexually attracted to you/his hormones would like him to take you there and then, period.

 

however flattering that is, that's not love, it's just lust.

[Frenny]

You are just friends why even bother to talk about him if nothing going to happen?