This letter was the beginning of the end. Should I not have pressed "send"?

[hazelnut321]

If you happened to read the diatribe (sorry- I'm a newbie) of my previous thread, here's the letter that I sent to Jorge. Forgive the lack of punctuation, etc. It was very early in the a.m.

 

You all have given me very thought provoking input.- I appreciate it all- positive or not. You are an intelligent bunch!

 

Here it is- the letter that I had to write. I don't regret it, even though it started the dialog that led to our break up-

 

 

 

Hi You,

 

You had me at hello. You've always known that. I've never kept it a secret. You are secure in the knowledge that you are loved and also adored.

 

 

 

I know that you care for me. You do your best to spend as much time as you can with me. You are amenable to doing just about anything when we are together and we seem to have a real flow. Just hanging together is so much fun!

 

 

 

We've both got issues. Everyone does. You know mine probably better than I do. Between our tortured childhoods, it's a wonder that we don't have more! Knowing, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I'm accepted and loved in a relationship is key for me. With me and you, it seems that I'm always looking for validation. Something to let me know that the investment of my heart is going to deem a return of yours one day. If it helps you feel better, go ahead and think that I have a "pattern" of having problems with you when things are rocky in your life you have to spend time away from me. There is a pattern, you're right about that. I'm quite happy living in moment most of the time with you. You are a breath of fresh air in my world. But periodically, old fears creep up when I see that our lives aren't merging as I hoped they would.

 

 

 

Thinking that I'm loving you by myself isn't healthy. Not being able to say "I love you" isn't healthy. I know you care. I wish that was enough.

[Melting]

I have always found during these times, the best therapy is to post!

 

Get your feelings down, most of us have been through similar situations and are always around to lend an ear.

 

Alot of posters have helped me see what I cannot. Whilst none of us can mend your heart, we are great listeners!

[Tired Tiger]

Water under the bridge, as they say. Don't second guess that you expressed yourself in the past. It means little to nothing for the future.

[learning2relax]

I wouldn't look back at what you sent. Truth is most likely that he was already in a place where he was considering taking this path. It just feels that by sending this you caused it. I highly doubt it. If something is that good, the decision to end it doesn't come easy and is usually not a knee jerk reactions. Knee jerk reactions tend to be the result of heated arguments where there is pent up frustration on an issue. Let yourself be ok with sending this and don't tie blame for doing so.

 

It is what you do now that is the most important part. You take care of you. Give him the respect of space right now that he is asking for by ending the relationship. Allow yourself to focus on you.

 

In your corner....