Are some secrets better kept secrets?

[stoneface]

Background: I wanted to tell this girl I was a douche because I have a fear of relationship (closeness) and it will explain everything about us, why I can't talk to her, why all my conversations with her are one sentences. She thinks it's because I'm just shy. I've known her for a long time, and I think she deserves an explanation. I wasn't planning to ask her out, but the truth is I do feel that way for her. I want to keep her as friend however, because it wouldn't be fair to her to deal with someone like me. I think I got rejected even when I wasn't asking her out.

 

[Text Message]

 

Me: When are you like alone, I need to tell you something so everything will makes sense. When can I call you?

 

Girl: I'm working tomorrow.

 

Me: I like a 15min call time from you, it's only fair to you that I tell you. Text me when your alone, or ready.

 

Girl: Okay probably after work. I'll let you know.

 

[i'm thinking about changing my mind, maybe I should keep this a secret. I start having doubts.]

 

Me: After getting some sleep, my heads clear. Ignore those text messages last night. I think things are best the way they are.

 

[she doesn't respond, and I want to play it off so I text her again 2 hours later]

 

Me: It's not serious, just in case your worried hahaa.

 

[i have not received a reply.]

 

What should be my next course of action? I'm now having second thoughts, maybe I should tell so she understands she deserves it.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This exchange sounds like more of the same behaviour. You are really not being fair to her by this wishy washy behaviour. No wonder she is not replying. If you have a fear of closeness and relationships then just stay away from her so she can move on with her life.

[stoneface]

This exchange sounds like more of the same behaviour. You are really not being fair to her by this wishy washy behaviour. No wonder she is not replying. If you have a fear of closeness and relationships then just stay away from her so she can move on with her life.

 

Thanks for telling me, but I want her to be in my life. I've known her for so long she's been through so many things with me she is a friend and I do not want to lose her. I am secretly in love with her. She is also a friend of a mutual friend, so I will always see her from time to time.

 

If I choose to tell her and be honest with her, no more games, can I have both? Her friendship and her understanding?

[Capricorn3]

If you've known her such a long time and have always displayed the same behaviour over the years, then I would think she's figured you out a long time ago. It seems she's still around so I'm not sure what the problem is?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

You are secretly in love with her..so how about you start working on your own issues so that you could turn that love from fantasy to reality instead of expecting her to understand.

[stoneface]

You are secretly in love with her..so how about you start working on your own issues so that you could turn that love from fantasy to reality instead of expecting her to understand.

 

Okay, I think I will try to change things. No more distancing, no more hoping her to understand. I'm gonna change, she doesn't deserve to have to deal with my problems I'll deal with those issues myself.

 

Thanks for being straight with me I needed it.

[catfeeder]

It's pretty infuriating to have someone tell you that they have something to say only to not say it. It's also not a good idea to build it up into a big deal because that only makes it a bigger deal for you. Telling someone 'why' you jerk them around is pretty anticlimactic.