told him not to contact unless he has change of heart - bad decision

[carrie8484]

sorry guys i just really need to vent

I did 2 days nc and thought i was being strong until today i looked at his stupid facebook and noticed he's blocked me from seeing his wall. weve been broken up for 2 weeks and were still friends on fb. I had a massive panic attack cos i think there must be stuff hes hiding from me on there. I deleted him off fb and immediately text him asking why he had done that and how had he moved on so quickly. he basically just rpelied saying he wasnt hiding anything. of course I couldnt leave it at that. I wanted to ask him a million questions - how does he not miss me, why does he not give a **** about me etc, but i knew it wouldnt get me anywhere. so instead i text him saying i am going strictly NC with him unless he has a change of heart and wants to talk. Of course he's not going to text me back cos he has no intention of wanting me back! so ive just give him all the power back, right? i could kick myself so hard for being so stupid. I still have stuff of his, and owe him money from the deposit on my rented flat. In that last text i also said my friend would be in touch about those things, so he has no reason to contact me about that. But now im hurting so much. By not replying hes given me his answer which hurts like hell, but also because ive let my guard down when i was being strong earlier in the week and now ive shown him iv not moved on.

i dont know what to do

 

[civilservant]

Continue with NC, it's the only choice.

[LP90]

NC is the only way to go. If you continue to text and message him, he will just know you still care for him while you on the other hand will get nothing positive in return. Show him you can move on as well. Once some time goes by and if he still wants to be with you, he'll be the one running back because he misses you. If not, then that just shows how he really feels and you'll know you need to move on as well.

[Ms Darcy]

NC was wise dear. Now you know where he stands for sure.

[Melting]

Going NC is really hard, but it is even harder on ourselves when we break it and don't get the response we had hoped for.

 

Be strong, you can do it. We all know how you feel and have all broken NC and have learnt, that NC is the only route to take to heal ourselves.

[ForumGuy]

It is too soon to be jumping to all those conclusions. It may not seem like it now, but it is in your best interest to stay strong and stick to your choice....it was the right one.

[KittyBoo]

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Two weeks is hardly enough time for someone to have moved on. You are still hurting right now. It is quite normal to be full of self-doubt and questioning yourself over what you have done or not done. Rejection hurts so please continue with NC and take care of yourself.

[catfeeder]

Telling him not to contact you unless he has a change of heart was the smartest thing you could have done--providing you're also smart enough to not contact him anymore. Of course it feels lousy--but everything about a breakup feels lousy, including pretending to want nothing more than a friendship. Skip that, you're a big girl now. Hold your head up, you deserve your dignity--you earned it.

[pietro5266]

Give yourself a break for breaking NC. Sometimes, when you don't have definitive closure, the response, or lack thereof, is the thing that finally gives you that. Now that you know, it will hurt -- horribly. But, just keep thinking about not giving him the benefit of your attention or concern. Eventually, he'll start wondering what's going on with you.

[LaceWing]

I would say you made the right decision. Back the heck off him...and give yourself time and space to get yourself back together, because at the moment it seems you are emotionally/mentally dependant on him for your sense of happiness and well-being. It's a tough lesson to learn, but he has done you a favour by doing this.

 

Get yourself back. Love yourself and truly discover what it is you want both out of life, and from a relationship.

[dramallama]

You've left the ball in his court to chase you up if he wants to reconcile, which means that you are giving up control over the situation (which most dumpees desperately want when a break up happens) of getting back together and whether it happens or not. But by giving up control you are on your way to accepting the break up, which puts you out of limbo and back in control of your own life, if that makes sense. Instead of waiting around for an ex to change their mind (which, again, is what dumpees are doing when they stay in touch) you've let go of the situation. If you stick with this decision you will grow stronger. It's one of the best decisions you could have made.

 

Now you must be strong and tell him to respect your need for space if he doesn't want to get back together with you, but he contacts you anyway.