Even people that are basically strangers see the chemistry we still have

[JerkBrokeMe]

I made a post last week about spending my entire birthday weekend with my ex. Since then, having had such a great time with him, I realized I need some space whether I like it or not. I love him so much and can't be just his friend (even though a lot of thr times we're together it seems like more than just friends).

 

So without announcing anything to him I decided I wasn't going to contact him at all and if he contacted me I'd play it by ear. Well day one went just fine and on day 2 my uncle died. Of course I had to tell the ex. My uncle was an amazing and special man and as my ex put it "the world lost a hero." My ex adored him and the feeling was mutual. So, I wasn't going to keep this from my ex just because I'm trying to heal. That would be psychotic.

 

So with the wake and the funeral the next day it was another two days this week spent with him. He was very attentive to me..to my grief. He acted exactly like he did when he was my boyfriend. In the car ride up we listened to music together. I had a new album from a band I introduced him to awhile back and we both like. They're playing our city in a month and after hearing the album he said he definitely wants us to go together.

 

He told me that my birthday weekend last week was the most fun he's had in a long time. Anyway, I'm rambling om as usual about the small meaningless details that mean everything to me. Point is to me and everyone else it seemed like not only was he my boyfriend, but a loving attentive one.

 

After the funeral there was a lunch held for everyone. The ex and I were in our own world, as always, talking and talking. A distant relative, who didnt know we were broken up, was sitting next to my ex. He hardly ever says anything but he interrupted us and said "the way you two look at each other is really something special. Its rare." We both sort of froze and didn't know what to say for a second and then my ex said "she's easy to look at." I cannot tell you how many times people that barely knew us mentioned the way he looked at me or we looked at each other while we were together. I even mentioned it in a post a week or two ago called something like "I miss him so much." I can't believe it's still happening and he doesn't even want me. I find it really hard to accept.

 

After we got back I blew it. I hadn't brought up our relationship or my feelings in a long timel I've been keeping them stuffed down. But during my uncles funeral they kept talking about my aunt, the love of his life. Which was absolutely the truth. They were another one of those couples whose love for eachother was just so apparent to anyone in a room with them. I just kept thinking if my ex or I had died 5 months ago they would be talking about the fact that we were the love of each others lives.

 

When he was leaving I was crying pretty hard, in part about my uncle, and in part about my ex but I was trying so hard not to say anything stupid. And as he was hugging me I said "you're the love of my life" he looked at me and after hesitating said I was the love of his life too. I could tell how uncomfortable he was and I asked him if he meant it. He said "of course I love you" ... I asked if he meant it when he said I was the love of his life and he said "I don't want to talk about this right now." I said i didn't want to get into a conversation about it either but I just wanted to know if he meant it cause he sort of seemed like he took it back. He said he didn't want to confuse me. I said confusing me was exactly what he did. I told him I knew it didn't change anything, but I just wanted to know if meant it. He said he did. We hugged goodbye again, I'm still crying and I said it again (if you're still in contact with your ex don't be around them when you're already emotional. Although this situation was unavoidable it really made me weak. I had been so good about not bombarding him with my feelings, since I know he cant handle it). This time he said it back right away and then i said bye. I don't know if he said it because its true, because I was crying, or if it was because it was the easiest option.

 

Why is he so deadened? He doesn't come accross as angry or sad or happy about the break up. He won't talk about it. He won't talk about anything having to do with his feelings for me..yet when we're together it seems to me, and apparently everyone else in the room, that he still loves me. I wish i could just have a conversation with him to learn where he is and how he feels about our breakup. Even if it hurts me, I just wish I could know.

 

The last time I tried asking was because he had said something that upset me and I started to tear up and said something along the lines of it feels like you don't care at all that we're broken up. It makes me feel like you didn't even love me. You seem to be completely over me. He said of course it's hard for me. I just try not to think about it. I try to distract myself when I think about...I'll watch something funny on tv (that sure doesn't work for me). Then he said of course he loved me. If he didn't he would've been lying for 9.5 years. Then he put his face in mine, noses touching, and asked me if I wanted to do this or that, go here or there "anything you want to do." Trying to soothe me like a child, while also making sure the conversation was over.

 

I feel like an idiot.

[Ms Darcy]

So, first of all, I am sorry about your uncle. That is really hard and I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

I'll only think of it from the perspective of someone who has been in his position in a way. When you are with someone for a long time, you love them. But when you make the decision to leave (and stick with it) it's because you are not "in love" in the same way. You can love someone like a sister, and you can find that sister attractive, but you don't want to marry your sister. That's my way of comparing his feelings right now.

 

I know I don't need to tell you this, but you have to realize that this guy CANNOT WIN here unless he gets back with you. He's trying to be kind to you with the funeral, and be supportive, while you are obviously distraught. He's trying to be nice but firm. But you want him back so everything else is frustrating. I am worried that you are tied to one outcome - getting him back. Maybe you hang out with him, have lots of great experiences, and getting back doesn't happen? When you aren't detached from the outcome, you aren't quite ready to pursue a reconciliation in my humble opinion.

 

Again I am sorry for your loss.

[JerkBrokeMe]

Thanks.

 

The thing is though, he's told me he's still in love with me. But then won't talk further about it. And him being loving and attentive when we're together is how it always is when we're together..not just at the funeral. I really dont believe its the "I love you but im not in love with you" thing. That's what makes it so confusing for me. I don't know how to detach from him when he still kisses me and holds my hand and tells me he loves me. I guess the answer is don't be in contact with him. But it feels unnatural. This is one of those can't get out of bed crying all day days. Haven't had one in awhile. Maybe more information about our breakup would be helpful..ill just cut and paste from another thread.

 

 

We met and started dating on the same day. I was 16, he was 21. That was a couple months shy of a decade ago. We had never broken up before until 4.5 months ago.

 

After nearly a decade we started to bicker a lot, as you can imagine most couples would. We never did anything about it and let it slowly rot our relationship. We still had a lot of fun and loved eachother wholeheartedly but we argued more than necessary. Every now and then we would discuss going to couples counseling but neither of us did anything about it. I think we both thought we were just in a rut, as we had been before over the years, and we'd work through it like always.*

 

After one last stupid fight about nothing important I was actually the one to end it. He begged me not to. Wrote me a letter about how special I am to him and that he would show me more often. I was angry and didn't let it go. I told him to leave. About an hour later I regretted it and knew I wanted to work things out and I had only said it out of anger. I called him and his voice was completely cold and distant and he said I was right. It was over. We fought too much and that he didn't want to do it anymore. Now I was the one begging. I pointed out that we never actually TRIED anything to work on our communication and that our problems were small it was the way we handled them that needed work. We just needed someone to show us how to communicate in a manner that was healthy. He didn't change his mind.

 

He's been cold like that ever since when I try to talk about it (which isn't often, sometimes it comes up organically, but mostly I try to respect the fact that he can't talk about ANYTHING emotional at this point- - whether it has to do with us or not). I feel like I broke him. I feel like its self preservation on his part. I think he won't give it a shot because he doesn't want to open himself up to me treating him like that again. Why else would two people that still have so much fun together, still physically attracted to eachother, still say they're in love with eachother not be able to give it a chance? Anyway thats my take on it

[Ms Darcy]

I would be there with you if this was a few days ago or even a couple of weeks ago. But almost 5 months ago? Something is rotten in Denmark. His feelings are not as you understand them to be. Perhaps he's more confused, perhaps he's interested in dating others, something else.

 

Were you two living together? Were you married? Were you talking about marriage?

[JerkBrokeMe]

He's not dating anyone..not even in the most casual way. I know for a fact. He spends most of his time sleeping. He sleeps about 15 hours a day now. Basically whenever he isn't working. The only person he'll make time to hang out with is me and occasionally this guy friend of his. He even made a comment about 2 weeks ago that I'm the only person he makes time for and he sees me more than anyone else.

 

We were talking about marriage A LOT. He was talking about it all the time. We were saving up to live together. We were definitely on the same page as far as what we wanted for our future. We had a lot of obstacles that stood in the way of us being able to live together for first 6 years or so of our relationship..but they're too complicated for this thread I think.

 

We were aiming for next year. Remember, even though we had been together for almost 10 years, I just turned 26. Although we always knew we wanted to get married..someday I think we were BOTH just starting to feel ready for marriage last summer. That's when we started really discussing plans and we were both really excited.

[JerkBrokeMe]

His feelings are not as you understand them to be.

 

He doesn't feel anything. He doesn't let himself feel. Since the breakup he sleeps all the time, drinks to get drunk ALONE and smokes tons of pot every day. He admits he does it to not feel. This is the same way he handled his brothers death. The only difference is I was there for him and helped him come out of that destructive behavior.

[MrBrightside15]

He doesn't feel anything. He doesn't let himself feel. Since the breakup he sleeps all the time, drinks to get drunk ALONE and smokes tons of pot every day. He admits he does it to not feel. This is the same way he handled his brothers death. The only difference is I was there for him and helped him come out of that destructive behavior.

 

Wow, I can see why you want him back. What a catch!

[JerkBrokeMe]

Wow, I can see why you want him back. What a catch!

 

You are a witty person.

[doiiiieeezie]

A few things that struck me in this post.

 

Ms Darcy hit a note on here about love in different forms. Saying that he may love you like a sister could be stretching it, but there are some alarming things in here.

While it is great that you can call him about anything, you shouldn't. In fact, he shouldn't have been at your uncles funeral (my sympathies btw), nor your birthday. You are using him as a crutch. Sure, you can have great chemistry and attraction may be there, but he broke up with you. He is no longer your boyfriend, you are no longer his girlfriend. Telling him that he is the love of your life at a time when his feelings are unsure about you is a BIG red flag on his end and it should be. You have basically given him the green light to be in your life without any repercussions. He was there for you because you asked him to, but what you have only shown him is that you cannot stand on your own without him. What attracted him to you in the first place?

 

So how you do you detach? By stop calling him for everything. You are not his sister, his mother, his best friend. You are his ex. He gets everything from you, plus sleeping in and doing nothing all day and has no way of pulling himself out. Why? Because you have made it comfortable for him. You are making excuses for him. What about yourself? Do you want an honest loving relationship with a man, who may be him or do you want to be his go to person for whatever behavior he throws your way? Step back. He is not the love of your life, and you are not his. Stop using statements that are so definitive that it will scare him off. If he is depressed about the breakup, he needs to deal with it on his own. Eventually two things will happen. One, he will show signs that he is interested in rebuilding a broken relationship or Two, he will snap out of it and move on with his life without you. You need to be strong enough to handle this either way, and right now you are not.

[dramallama]

If he were really the love of his life and if he was truly in love with you, he would be WITH you. Since he isn't, I think you need to take his words with a pinch of salt and focus on the bigger picture. Go full NC and if you are really the love of his life he should have no problem in being with you, and making sure that no one else realises how much of a catch you are. If he doesn't want to talk about it, that's all you need to know. It's not up for discussion in his eyes, so there is no reason to be in touch unless HE approaches you for the purposes of discussing being with you.

[apple89]

something i realized about relationships that stay as boy friend and girlfriend for so long is that they usually don't end up together unless they really try to be single see whats out there and then if they are meant to be they come back together.. all the couples that happily ever after together if you noticed they only last as a year maybe 2 as bf and gf.. i think you should really try to be single without him or making your happiness dependent of his actions.. i think he wants to be single bc i mean his been in a relationship for 9 years since you guys were 16 you said?.. i would totally like to see whats there.. its normal for him to try to see if you guys are really meant to be and if your not meant to be why waste time being in a relationship that kinda already reached its expiration date..

 

i think you would really try to enjoy your life as single.. don't you want to see whats to be REALLY single i mean you cant say you were single at age 16 bc what did you know about relationships, you were a kid.. how do you know if his the one if you real haven't met anyone else...

 

i think with his actions it seems like he really loves you and cares for you but it seems like he wants to see whats out there, he wants to experience whats it like to be single, to go out on dates and to meet other people and that way see if you really are the one for him.. he seems to be in the limbo of in between "i love you but i want to be single" he's not going to be mean because he really cares and i know that he mean it when he says he loves you, he was obviously going to be there for the funeral of you uncle, and im sure he's going to always be there if you ever need of him.. but i think you should really give him that time for him to be single.. let it AND YOU SHOULD ENOJY BEING FINALLY SINGLE!!!!.. you been in a relationship basically on your 20s (best age).. always dependent on someone.. don't you want that freedom.. im sure if you are meant to be his going to come back crawling telling you his misses you like crazy and that he cant live without you..

 

basically what i want tot ell you is that you should just let it be.. go nc for a little and regain your freedom they say when your single is when you really grow because you make all your life about you.. and i think its a good time to see if you guys are meant to be and for you both to see what s out there.. stop asking him if he loves you, stop crying to him.. give him the single status that he clearly wants and try to be strong and see as something thats positive for you and not as a negative

[JerkBrokeMe]

Sigh. I agree with some of what you're saying, but the "tough love" on this site is getting old.

 

While it is great that you can call him about anything, you shouldn't. In fact, he shouldn't have been at your uncles funeral (my sympathies btw), nor your birthday. You are using him as a crutch. Sure, you can have great chemistry and attraction may be there, but he broke up with you. He is no longer your boyfriend, you are no longer his girlfriend.

 

Okay, I don't call him for everything. I rarely call him actually. Maybe he shouldn't have been there for my birthday, I'm sure plenty will agree with you, but of course he should have for my uncles funeral. He cared very much for him, cried as much as I did. It's not my place to ban him from saying his final goodbye to someone he cared for. I didn't use him by informing him that my family member he was close to died...

 

Telling him that he is the love of your life at a time when his feelings are unsure about you is a BIG red flag on his end and it should be. You have basically given him the green light to be in your life without any repercussions. He was there for you because you asked him to' date=' but what you have only shown him is that you cannot stand on your own without him. What attracted him to you in the first place?[/quote']

 

Yeah. I made it pretty clear in my original post that my emotions got the best of me and I said something I wish I hadn't. It wasn't calculated, premeditated or for sympathy. I agree with you about him being in my life with no repercussions. Its what i struggle with. And I didn't ask him to be there for me. I told him he died. Thats it. He asked me for the wake and funeral information. He went because he knew and cared for him. Again, he deserved the right to say goodbye. I'm really feeling uncomfortable defending myself while tying in my uncles death so I'm not going to anymore.

 

I don't know what attracted him to me. I'm the same person I always was. I just have a broken heart now.

 

So how you do you detach? By stop calling him for everything. You are not his sister' date=' his mother, his best friend. You are his ex. He gets everything from you, plus sleeping in and doing nothing all day and has no way of pulling himself out. Why? Because you have made it comfortable for him. You are making excuses for him. What about yourself? Do you want an honest loving relationship with a man, who may be him or do you want to be his go to person for whatever behavior he throws your way?[/quote']

 

I don't call him for everything. I am his best friend. Always have been. That hasn't changed. Maybe it will have to eventually, I don't know. I want an honest loving relationship with him. No one else. I'm sure that answer will get me all kinds of rude comments but its the truth.

 

I agree that I've made it too easy for him. Ive never been in this position in my entire life and I'm not handling it well. I thought this was forever and i was blindsided. To top it off he still shows me he cares for me and wants to spend time with me. I don't know how to be strong and ignore him. Sometimes I almost envy the people on here whose exes don't want to remain friends.

 

I'm not a weak person. I was never weak in my relationship. But i completely admit to being weak in this situation. I took his number off my phone today. I deactivated my facebook today. That's about the best I can do right now.

 

Step back. He is not the love of your life' date=' and you are not his. Stop using statements that are so definitive that it will scare him off. If he is depressed about the breakup, he needs to deal with it on his own. Eventually two things will happen. One, he will show signs that he is interested in rebuilding a broken relationship or Two, he will snap out of it and move on with his life without you. You need to be strong enough to handle this either way, and right now you are not.[/quote']

 

I have had one love in my life. It lasted nearly 10 years. I consider him to be the love of my life. Ya can't tell me how I feel, sorry. I don't normally say anything like that to him. I try to avoid talking about that stuff all together. I was in a weakened state and said something stupid. I'm aware of it. I'm sure it did scare him off. That was basically my point when I wrote about it.

 

No, I'm not strong enough to handle it either way. In fact, I wish dying of a broken heart was a real thing so I wouldn't have to live with reality. No amount of NC/LC/staying friends/"using my uncles death" to keep my ex as a crutch (thanks) is going to prepare me. Whatever path I choose, it's not going to make me strong enough to accept that he's not coming back. Perhaps time will. It's the most I can hope for right now.

[dramallama]

Time plus NC is the only thing that will make you accept that it's over. Seeing him and being in contact will just give you your fix and you will never learn what life it like without him and how to cope without him. He isn't your best friend. It's impossible to go from a relationship to only just friends without years of no contact inbetween. Besides, even though you might not even be thinking of this right now, but you need to make room in your life for your next boyfriend to be your best friend because partners should be best friends and come first, IMO.

[apple89]

yup nothing is going to help your prepare for it if you don't want to.. and by all the responds you said to everyones advice it shows that you don't want yourself to prepare for it or get out of your denial stage.. so i guess (it happens to many of us) your just going to have keep getting hurt over and over again until you realize you cant handle it anymore and then take actions to make you "prepared" to live without him.. no one can make you move on unless you really realize your ready to and seems like your not ready for it.. until then nothing is going to help you

[Ms Darcy]

I think you are a very strong and reasonable person who is heartbroken.

 

Time gives the best clarity. I'm just concerned that the disconnect between what you are saying (he is in love with you) and his actions (you are broken up) isn't allowing you to understand why you are not together.

[Capricorn3]

I think you are a very strong and reasonable person who is heartbroken.

 

Time gives the best clarity. I'm just concerned that the disconnect between what you are saying (he is in love with you) and his actions (you are broken up) isn't allowing you to understand why you are not together.

I agree with the above. I think living in denial masks the pain because facing the facts is too painful. Unfortunately, you'll eventually have to come around and face the facts. Only then can you accept and move on.

[JerkBrokeMe]

Just when you think you've got me pegged.

 

I wrote him and told him we can no longer be in each others lives. It wasn't because I was told NC on here, btw. I just reached my personal pain threshold. I haven't heard back. Don't know that I will. It's certainly not NC, as I have to see him every 2 weeks for the large debt he's paying off to me. It's more of a we are no longer hanging out and treating jerkbrokeme like * * * * kinda deal.

 

Feeling a little relieved, a little (ok a lot) miserable and a little sick. I realized today that I hadn't eaten since Friday (when I last saw him). Time to get my act together.

[dramallama]

Just when you think you've got me pegged.

 

I wrote him and told him we can no longer be in each others lives. It wasn't because I was told NC on here, btw. I just reached my personal pain threshold. I haven't heard back. Don't know that I will. It's certainly not NC, as I have to see him every 2 weeks for the large debt he's paying off to me. It's more of a we are no longer hanging out and treating jerkbrokeme like * * * * kinda deal.

 

Feeling a little relieved, a little (ok a lot) miserable and a little sick. I realized today that I hadn't eaten since Friday (when I last saw him). Time to get my act together.

Why don't you just get him to deposit money in your account or send you a cheque? You really do have to go cold turkey in these type of situations.

[doiiiieeezie]

Just when you think you've got me pegged.

 

I wrote him and told him we can no longer be in each others lives. It wasn't because I was told NC on here, btw. I just reached my personal pain threshold. I haven't heard back. Don't know that I will. It's certainly not NC, as I have to see him every 2 weeks for the large debt he's paying off to me. It's more of a we are no longer hanging out and treating jerkbrokeme like * * * * kinda deal.

 

Feeling a little relieved, a little (ok a lot) miserable and a little sick. I realized today that I hadn't eaten since Friday (when I last saw him). Time to get my act together.

 

While going NC is avoidance in many cases, it is good for you to let go with love. Love for yourself as well as him. The more distance you have from him, the more you will see perspective.

 

Im not saying cut him out forever, but you need to get YOU back. Stay strong.

[JerkBrokeMe]

Why don't you just get him to deposit money in your account or send you a cheque? You really do have to go cold turkey in these type of situations.

 

Because he's an irresponsible crackhead. I'd still have to call him the day after and tell him he forgot to give me my money. It's how he's always been. Not just with money.

[JerkBrokeMe]

Also, I had said before that I hadn't heard back from him and didn't think I would. Well I did. He called me last night as soon as he read it. He was very upset, sounded like he was crying a bit. I explained everything calmly. He understood but was very upset. He pleaded a little in the beginning. I didn't get any pleasure out of that role reversal, I felt very sorry that things had to come to this.

 

We spoke for about an hour and a half and I finally got some answers as to why the breakup happened (as I've said in almost every post, he's REFUSED to talk about his reasons or emotions since the breakup) - granted, they're still stupid reasons because they COULD have been worked out with minimal effort on his part and a lot of effort on mine. If he had brought these issues to my attention during the relationship I would have changed things. And I did already change many of the things that he brought up. He said I only did it out of fear of losing him. I told him, no, I never in a million years thought I would've lost him. I changed those things because I agreed with him.

 

It really hurt to hear that his reasons were so fixable. He just didn't see it that way. He said if he had brought them up during the relationship it would've just been a big fight and I would have made him feel guilty for his feeling that way. I told him then you be a man and take that chance so that you know you did everything you possibly could to save your relationship. He didn't really have a response to that.

 

We had a very honest conversation, that at times got a little heated, but remained respectful. I was able to get a lot off my chest since I'd been walking on eggshells the last few months. I told him that I believed that he's not dating others but that he's probably messing around with random girls and that this wasn't ok because he still kisses me (another reason we can't stay "friends"). He swore he hadn't so much as kissed anyone else except the one girl that one time when he was drunk at the beginning of the breakup. He admitted that to me when it happened. I also told him I think his drug use has become more than just pot and alcohol and he admitted that it had. I was heartbroken. I told him he needed to get his act together and he agreed. I hope he does. I don't want to go to anymore funerals.

 

The one thing that I'm kind of holding onto is that he sort of implied that there was one thing that I hadn't changed (he flat out said what it was but I don't want to get into it on here) that was the reason that he didn't want to get back together. There was a pretty heavy implication that if I worked on that part of myself he might want me back. But I didn't outright ask him because the phone call was not about getting back together, it was about no longer remaining in this limbo. Plus, I think asking him would've just scared him off. It could also just be me misreading the way he was wording things. Besides at this point, even if he came knocking on my door tomorrow, he's got a lot of work to do on himself before I would think about getting back with him. That's the first time I've felt this way in 5 months. I always thought I would jump at the chance. But I'm getting ahead of myself, because I honestly think now that he doens't have me as his backup girlfriend when he's lonely, he's going to find someone else.

 

When ending the call I said "take care " and he said "I'll see you next thursday" he sounded like he was crying again and his tone sounded kind of desperate. Maybe that part is just my wishful thinking. I really, really don't think he'll ever come back though. I think he actually thought things could just stay the way they've been. He has his own life but comes back and acts like my boyfriend a couple days a week for a few hours. It kills me that during these last 5 months we've had so much fun together. Honestly my birthday might've been the most fun we've ever had, at least in years. And now that the "friendship" is over all that is over too. This hurts worse than the breakup because he's really gone. I have nothing left to hold on to.

[JerkBrokeMe]

While going NC is avoidance in many cases, it is good for you to let go with love. Love for yourself as well as him. The more distance you have from him, the more you will see perspective.

 

Im not saying cut him out forever, but you need to get YOU back. Stay strong.

 

Thanks. Thats how I'm looking at this. If he calls, and I feel emotionally stable, I'll answer and see what he has to say. As I told him last night "I don't hate you. This isn't about that. I just need to do whats healthy for me" I'm certainly not part of the NC army on here.

[cjones22]

I think you should try to move on. It will be healthy for you to consider your options. Not just men, but hobbies, goals, anything. When we are in a relationship for a long time we have this set way of life. Now you have the opportunity to explore new things. Not talking to him will help. After all, the past few months he has been leading you on. I know i know you said he's not and hes been "straight-forward" with you. But kissing? and hugging? and I love you's? Yet, he doesn't want you to have the title of girlfriend? That's messed up. I understand you all have been together and I know this is unbelievably hard, but instead of sorting and analyzing through every little detail, statement, look, etc...look at the big picture. He seems very unstable. You should focus on you and only you and if he decides he wants you back he will let you know. There seems to be too many buts, what ifs, and i dont knows. Reading through your post even stressed me out (lol) so I can imagine your stress level!

 

My ex and I dated 2 years. I broke up with him and moved out. For 6 months we tried working things out, doing couply things and stuff, but it was one week we were fantastic, the next week we were fighting. He was going out to bars every night, etc. I should of ran for the hills when I was crying after a fight (I wanted to get back together and work things out so bad every fight just made me upset) and he acted distant and like he didn't care I was upset. I asked why he acts like he doesnt care when I get upset and he said he sees it as my fault i'm upset and that he feels incapable of caring about me the way he used to since i broke it off. So much back and forth and mind games I finally stopped being nice (always not wanting to hurt his feelings in hopes we would get back together) and told him about how I couldn't handle all the bull**** anymore. A week after I sent that text he had a new girlfriend. I thought he was only seeing me, I thought I knew what he was doing and who he was with, but apparently I was wrong.

 

The point of that story was you need to know their priorities. Do you come first for him? If you did, you would be together, working through your relationship issues. There wouldn't be any gray areas. Time apart will clear your head and his and you will learn after a little while where his and your priorities are. I am a strong believer in NC for the healing process, but I'm not 100% opposed to the idea of us ever speaking again. But I'm definetly not going to initiate contact. I see it as maybe one day we might have that friendship again (we were friends long before dating), maybe not.