A year later, and she's still attracted to me and thinks about me. What?

[rbsx]

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen,

 

I have a predicament. After deciding not to be a part of my ex's life because I needed to move on, she has decided to burst into my life, again, in rather dramatic fashion.

 

We broke up because she was moving home, and at the time, neither of our situations were secure enough to give us enough faith in the situation that our relationship would survive the move. I do not regret this. Since then, our chit chats have been few and far between, though, 6 months after we broke up and she was 'seeing' someone, she called me in tears telling me how much she missed me, that she wished that I could move down to be with her, which culminated in us take off to Vegas for a week together and hang out. Other than the occasional phone call, or text from her saying that she's thinking of me, or that she wishes we could go back to Vegas, or that she bought a new car that I would love, or the thank you card she mailed me, I've cut her off because I didn't see this going anywhere. I effectively cut her out of my life 6 months ago. Most phone calls weren't picked up, texts not responded to, I just needed to think of myself for a while.

 

A few weeks ago, I was getting ready to pack and move to New York for the Summer. Ironically, I was flying out the same day she had moved a way a year earlier. I had decided, for whatever reason, to bury the hatchet. That's not to say that I wanted a relationship with her, but that I wanted us to be able to think about each other without regret, hate or sadness. Basically, I wanted to make a clean break, tell her that I was sorry about what has happened between us. Instead of being a simple phone call, I don't hear back from her, she doesn't respond to my text or my phone call. This all changed on Friday.

 

I texted her to see why she was making this so 'difficult', especially since she had been asking to talk to me for a while. She said that I always seem to catch her at a really bad time, and that things aren't going too easy for her right now. I tell her that's okay, but if she had simply told me that the situation wouldn't become so tense. What I didn't expect though was what came next.

 

Tears. Lots of them. It was overwhelming. Despite 'seeing' someone since last August, who apparently is her boyfriend now, she has had an incredibly hard time moving on from me. Apparently, she's written 9 emails to me, and they are sitting in her drafts folder, which was a startling admission. She was telling me how she still thinks about how much fun we had together, how romantic and amazing it was, and how special and attractive I am. As you can imagine, this was quite the shock, I was really taken aback. She burst into tears again, going on a rant about how it was all my fault, to which I said, I'm not sure if it matters at this point, but if you want to blame it on me, be my guest. To which she got even more upset, asking 'why did I have to be prepared to fall on my own sword, because she wanted me to be an ass, and to hate me so much, but being prepared to just suck it up and move on was 'so hot'. Furthermore, I'm the hottest guy she's ever dated, and those are her words, not mine.

 

Obviously, this was quite overwhelming, what does this mean? What does she want? She even brought up how she is having 'guy problems'. I tried not to think about it too much.

 

So far this week I've received an email from her telling me how much better she feels about things, that she's so happy I'm doing well here in New York and can't wait to hear more about it, and that it was so much being able to bicker with each other 'in a fun way'.

 

That was all fine and dandy, and then she called me last night saying 'I'm driving to the pool with the top down on the car, and the song 'I want to * * * * you' by Snoop Dogg came on, and it reminded me of you, and all the fun we had.' To which we went on to say, that she's become a little bit of a speed demon since she bought her new sports car, to which I respond 'I guess I was a really bad influence!' which she says 'Or a really good influence.'

 

My mind is literally upside down and inside out and I have no idea what to do.

[Ms Darcy]

I hope you are not thinking about getting back with someone who is emotionally cheating on her bf ("seeing someone" is bs).

 

Listen, you contacted her and then asked why she's making it difficult when she ignored you even though you had been ignoring her for a while. Not cool. But despite that, you really deserve better than this. What space do you have to move on and find someone else too. Just call or text and NC her and move on. This is not what you want in a life partner.

[ForumGuy]

My mind is literally upside down and inside out and I have no idea what to do.

And this may be right where she wants you.....

 

 

 

 

 

If you want her back, advance slowly towards that goal and see how she responds....if you can handle any outcome. Ms Darcy's advice has alot of merit though. If she is doing this to her current boyfriend, she would probably do it to you also.

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm sorry to say, but you're trying to chase a dead horse. She has a boyfriend, and the simple truth is, if she wanted to be with you...she would.

[rbsx]

I am sorry, I don't recall chasing.

[rbsx]

I hope you are not thinking about getting back with someone who is emotionally cheating on her bf ("seeing someone" is bs).

 

Listen, you contacted her and then asked why she's making it difficult when she ignored you even though you had been ignoring her for a while. Not cool. But despite that, you really deserve better than this. What space do you have to move on and find someone else too. Just call or text and NC her and move on. This is not what you want in a life partner.

 

By this girl's own admission, she hasn't been as attracted to him as she was to me. When she called me in November, in tears, she said that getting with him was mostly motivated by her wanting to try to get over me. When I was together with this girl, she did things for me that no one else ever has, she has always been honest and loyal to me, though she hasn't always shown everyone else that same courtesy.

[rbsx]

And this may be right where she wants you.....

 

 

 

 

 

If you want her back, advance slowly towards that goal and see how she responds....if you can handle any outcome. Ms Darcy's advice has alot of merit though. If she is doing this to her current boyfriend, she would probably do it to you also.

 

At this point I'm content with any outcome, though, I've been guilty of maybe moving things forward a little too quickly. I'm currently located in New York, and suggested she come and visit. At the time when I asked her that I wasn't aware she was still with that guy.