nikkinikki143 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 I've been in an on again off again relationship for the past 7 months.I'm ashamed to admit it but its been both the best and worst time of my life. I love him but we can't go more then a few weeks without him picking a major fight..usually for nothing. He breaks up with me, I cry for a few days and then we kiss and make up. During the corse of our break ups I never saw anyone in our down time until the last time. When HE got word he went out and slept with someone only to come running back. This time things were different, things were amazing. Last night we got into one of our fights, he kicked me out and today he's refusing my calls n texts. I'm deeply hurt. I'm tired. I can't stop crying. Emotionally I'm beat but I feel a huge part of it is not knowing if its really over. Add to it I don't want to keep doing this. I'm a very kind, loyal and loving person. When I'm in love I give my best and then some, I feel I deserve someone that's not gonna break up with me once a month but I love him so much I just can't seem to let go. Link to comment
LP90 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 You shouldnt have to put up with being with the person you love, you should mutually want to be together. We all have the occasional fights, but it shouldnt be solved by breaking up everytime. You have to look at the situation like it is and try to understand what is going on in reality. Are you lowering your standards and beliefs to stay with him because you are afraid of being alone? In my opinion, you should be with someone who you are always happy with and can work out problems with words, not break ups. Id recommend staying NC, at least for a while and see where things go. Do it for yourself though, not to prove anything to him. Link to comment
nikkinikki143 Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 Thanks for the reply. No I don't think its that I'm affraid of being alone. We genuinely love eachother, just the communication isnt the best thus insted of talking things out he picks a fight or when he needs space breaks up with me. I try to talk and understand but the result is him shutting down. He can be very hurtful. Quick to say things he doesn't mean. He has some issues behind past relationships, I feel this may be a part of the problem. Either way I think nc maybe a good idea. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 If you really felt you deserve someone who doesn't keep dumping you, you would not keep going back. Sometimes it's that simple. Link to comment
nikkinikki143 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Share Posted June 26, 2011 Its not that simple. Things go really well for while and then they fall apart again. Its hard to let go of people u love. Link to comment
Oneironaut Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 Some people enjoy being in a tempestuous relationship. They get a thrill from the extreme highs and the extreme lows. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with it, if that's what both people want - everyone is different. If, however, you're tired of the roller-coaster, then you'll have to "suck it up" and go ahead and end things. Next time he comes back, ignore him. Go NC and stay that way. On the other hand, if you feel like there is genuine hope for the relationship, then I highly recommend that the two of you sit down before another reconciliation and spell out where things are going wrong, and how they might be fixed. If communication is an issue, you'll both need to commit yourself to communicating freely, and accept communication from the other without jumping to conclusions or making immediate judgments. Believe me, I understand...most people would consider my relationship with my boyfriend (who is also bipolar) to be very volatile and filled with drama, but, we both enjoy it, so we stick through the rough spots. He broke up with me for the 5th time last summer, and it was the longest BU ever for us: 6 and 1/2 months. When he finally came back to me in February, we hashed out what had gone wrong between us, and mutually agreed to work through this issues, and most of all, to leave the past in the PAST. We've been back together for over 4 months now, and things are going great, so it IS possible to be in a highly emotional relationship rather successfully. It just takes extra work. Link to comment
pietro5266 Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 See if your boyfriend fits the description link removed -- this article is about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), which is getting a lot of discussion these days. This kind of volatility is often a good indicator for it. I just got out of a relationship with a woman was was BPD. Not fun. Link to comment
nikkinikki143 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Share Posted June 26, 2011 Everything causes the fights. One day I walked in and I said "what no kiss" which he usually does. He must have been angry about something else before I walked in cuz he threw me out for saying that. Then last night we were watching a movie and the parents where having sex in the house while the kids were asleep. He said something to the effect of never have sex with kids in the house. Since we've been looking for a place together and I have a daughter I said, sure u do, but in the bedroom with the door locked preferably while they've been asleep awhile. This turned into his comment of "oh is that what u do at ur apartment? "U F&*K guys while ur daughters in the next room." Ok first of all I don't have casual sex. Second my daughter has met two men in the past 8 yrs. Third I've never brought anyone to this apartment. I was really hurt. Link to comment
nikkinikki143 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Share Posted June 26, 2011 I don't enjoy the ups and downs. I prefer more stability. If he never picked a fight, we'd never argue or break up. Things have gotten better. His tone, the name calling, his temper..all of it a lot better which is why I always hold hope for the relationship but then there is this side..wow. Reasons for our fights: I was late,I held the popcorn wrong, I dropped the phone under the bed, I mentioned my exs age..all very petty in comparison to the things he's done which by the way I rarely bring up. I don't know what to do anymore. The good times are great, the bad horrible. He text me to move on earlier, when I asked if he meant it I got no reply which probably means this is another round of many. As far as communication goes, I've tried but he shuts down. All communication about what's gone wrong leads to him blowing up and me driving home crying. Link to comment
nikkinikki143 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Share Posted June 26, 2011 I should mention he was diagnosed bi polar as a child. I definitely think he battles depression and a sleep disorder. He's not being treated for either. Link to comment
Ms Darcy Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 I don't enjoy the ups and downs. I prefer more stability. If he never picked a fight, we'd never argue or break up. Things have gotten better. For as long as you put everything on him, the pattern will continue. You participate by continuing the relationship. That is a tacit agreement to continue the pattern. I was in an emotionally abusive relationship a while ago. As much as I wanted him to change, it was not possible for me to change him. I could only change me and my participation. I had to end it. Link to comment
Sim54 Posted June 26, 2011 Share Posted June 26, 2011 Its not that simple. Things go really well for while and then they fall apart again. Its hard to let go of people u love. This isn't love. Link to comment
nikkinikki143 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Share Posted June 26, 2011 How do I get away from him. Link to comment
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