oceanwaves27 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 One week ago today, I accidentally stumbled upon inappropriate pictures of another woman on my boyfriend's laptop. His initial story changed slightly the next few days but I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. He told me a client (hes a tattoo artist) misunderstood him when he requested she send him tattoo pictures and sent those along with them. He admitted he might have played a part in that but promised to not contact her again. After getting his passwords, I found 2 suspicious IMs on his messenger from a cell number. I gave him one last opportunity to come clean before I contacted her and he claimed no knowledge of the messages. At first the other woman denied any involvement but finally came clean, when I told her how I thought they met. She told me that she had met him on an online dating site 2 MONTHS ago where he denied having a girlfriend & that he lived with a work buddy (hes been living here with me). He told her lies that made his band sound better than they are, and told her he was working his ass off so he could move & tattoo in her area. He did in fact request these pictures of her and also sent some of himself, although Im not sure what he sent to her was actually his nether region or not. She told me that a few days before he slipped up & gave his real name... so she looked for him on fb and saw that she had been lied to this whole time as well. She said the IMs I saw were of the conversation they'd had where she told him how wrong he was and to leave her alone. I believed this other woman because her story never changed like his had, and the evidence matched hers much more so than his. I didnt confront him with anything since I spoke to her because I knew he wouldnt just own up to it... hes too embarrassed & too much of a coward to talk about it right now. I havent spoken to him in days except for a couple of cold texts about his belongings which my roommates returned to him. I admit in the 2+ year relationship that we had, there was alot of arguing and rough times, caused by both of us. But I would never have thought him capable of this. He has been staying with me on & off since we met in 2008, but has been actually living here for months. It sickens me that we havent been having sex because he claimed he had no drive... yet he can request dirty pictures from another girl that he would never be attracted to in reality. I have helped him with his work, family problems, financial issues, and even forgave him when I caught him flirting with another girl thru his cell just days before my grandmother passed away last year. He told my roommate around the first of May that he was going to propose to me on a beach trip we had planned at the time, although the trip fell thru & so did the proposal. Although now I'm sure its more because he was forming an online relationship with this other girl than because of the first reason. I just want to know why. We have been at each others throats lately, but was it really that bad? Does he not view it as cheating because it was online? How long would it have continued if I hadnt caught him? I am just so confused & angry & disgusted with him and his betrayal... and frustrated with myself because I still love him so desperately. My roommate also made me think about something... after his first betrayal last year, I did sleep with someone else both as an act of revenge and also as an ego boost for myself, but he and I werent exactly together at the time. He doesnt know this happened. How mad can I really be when Ive done him dirty and he didnt know it happened to be mad with me about?
catfeeder Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 […] My roommate also made me think about something... after his first betrayal last year, I did sleep with someone else both as an act of revenge and also as an ego boost for myself, but he and I werent exactly together at the time. He doesnt know this happened. How mad can I really be when Ive done him dirty and he didnt know it happened to be mad with me about? I'd make this less about him or whether or not I'm 'mad' at him and more about whether I want to spend MY future looking over my shoulder and trading disloyalties with someone who I suspect is using me until he can find someone else to hook up with. Don't you deserve better than this? That's really the only question you need to answer. The rest is interesting but not relevant.
Ms Darcy Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 Too much water under the bridge. Too much dishonesty and cheating on both sides. I think you should let it go. Obviously being at each other's throats, no sex, and previous problems without the cheating is enough evidence that you two might need to part ways.
oceanwaves27 Posted June 26, 2011 Author Posted June 26, 2011 In my head I know all these things are true... but it doesnt change the feeling that someone has violently ripped my heart out of my chest.
catfeeder Posted June 26, 2011 Posted June 26, 2011 I understand. The things we 'know' don't necessarily change the way we feel. That's why we're taught from a young age that the thing that feels the hardest to do is often the right thing to do. Emotions follow behaviors, not the other way around. If I wait until I 'feel' good about doing something, I'll never do anything. I need to act in my own best interests first, and then allow feelings of pride and eventual enjoyment of those benefits to catch up in time. Hold your head up and do the smart thing. You'll thank yourself later.
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