Staple Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 So recently I met someone. Really like her. We've been going out for a few weeks. A few days ago we try to have sex and for the life of me I can't get an erection. We tried again last night, same thing. I'm turned on as hell by her but I just can't do it. And now of course she thinks its her. Basically doubt this can survive. Why in the world is this happening? I'm barely 25 years old. What's going on? Link to comment
mouseno4 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Are you able to get one on your own? Link to comment
Staple Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 I think so. But only after rubbing like hell. I almost never get erections in the morning anymore either. Man, can't even tell you how upset I am. What could it be? When my ex and I broke up I was watching porn etc.. for a few months. Could that be it? What is going on? On another note, is this thing with this girl salvagable at all? She likes me personally, a lot. But this happened twice (in the same week). Is there any point in continuing on dating her? =( Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Perhaps, it has to do with you being nervous around her? Relax a little, and stop trying to put so much emphasis on trying to please her. If you masturbate on your own, you can try to lessen that as well, and see how that goes. Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 You think the relationship is doomed because of some performance anxiety? If she's that unforgiving you don't want to be with her anyway. Link to comment
Staple Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 I don't know. I am so damn upset right now Feel like I'm not even a man. Should I even consider some kind of medicine for this? I'm only 24 how could this happen Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 First, get a checkup at the doctor. And are you on any medications that might cause this? Antidepressents are notorious for causing this kind of problem, as are other drugs. And the doctor will rule out problems, then could give you medication to help. But it is most likely mental, anxiety perhaps at a new woman. Perhaps he could give you anti-anxiety meds to get over the initial stress until you are more comfortable with this girl and the problem may evaporate. But if you have trouble even on your own, you should consult a doctor. Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 I wouldn't worry about taking medication. More so than likely you were just nervous. I know it's hard not to, but stressing it even more won't help the situation. Link to comment
Staple Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 I did go a few days ago And he checked me all over and didn't see anything wrong with me. But even on my own like I said I need to work on it a bit before I get an erection. I end up getting one but it takes a lot. Link to comment
Staple Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 I wouldn't worry about taking medication. More so than likely you were just nervous. I know it's hard not to, but stressing it even more won't help the situation. I hope so. I don't even know how I can possibly have sex with this girl without worrying about getting an erection at this point Link to comment
2much2early Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 So recently I met someone. Really like her. We've been going out for a few weeks. A few days ago we try to have sex and for the life of me I can't get an erection. We tried again last night, same thing. I'm turned on as hell by her but I just can't do it. And now of course she thinks its her. Basically doubt this can survive. Why in the world is this happening? I'm barely 25 years old. What's going on? This happened to me buddy, don't worry about it. I'm around your age as well. The girl became extremely insecure. You need to talk to her about it and reassure her that it has nothing to do with her, you just need to get comfortable with her. Don't rush the sex. You need to develop more trust with her and slowly build up to it. Ask her to take it slower. A lot of guys think that girls will run if the sex isn't fantastic the first time. If you're dating a quality girl she should understand and give you time. Let her know this isn't permanent. Link to comment
Staple Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 It's so embarassing though I doubt she'll stick around with me. Twice this has happened. I seriously don't even feel like a man right now at all. Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 It's so embarassing though I doubt she'll stick around with me. Does she say or do anything to make you think she's going to dump you because you can't get it up? Most women would be understanding athough they might think it's because you aren't attracted to them which usually isn't the case. Link to comment
Staple Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 I don't know. We've only been dating for like 3 weeks. How could she possibly want to stay with me after this? I had to really convince her not to go home last night when she was upset. But she was visibly upset. I don't even know how it is going to work out. Like I said, disaster Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 I had to really convince her not to go home last night when she was upset. But she was visibly upset. She was visibly upset that you couldn't get it up? To the point that she was ready to walk out the door? Yeah that's bad. Even if she is upset because she thinks it's her, it takes a small problem (pun intended) and makes it indescribably worse. A considerate, mature woman would downplay it like it's no big deal and she's doing the opposite. Of course your insecurites and assumptions that it's all over aren't helping either. You could easily develop a complex that will affect you going forward. Link to comment
Staple Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 No idea man. It's not a good situation as you can tell. I am actually really worried about this happenign again, if not with her, then with someone else. I'm really honestly considering cialis or something like that, at least temporarily? Link to comment
KatAstrophy1607308539 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 The more you dwell on this thought, the more likely it's not going to happen. It's like insomnia...you go to bed worrying you'll not sleep because you didn't sleep last night or the night before. That worry is what ends up keeping you awake. Take it easy, try and relax around her. Which I appreciate might not be easy right now as she's getting upset and it's not helping matters. Like someone said above, a mature woman will understand and not make any deal out of it. Link to comment
whysoalone Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 NANANA, look, i've had this happen before LOL. Why i'm about to share this story i'll never know.. One night with my first ex, I couldn't get one. No matter HOW HARD I TRIED. The next day, I went to wack one out to see if it'd make me feel that bit better. I couldn't for the life of me get a stiff. BUT, i eventually went about my business! Later that night, was business as usual. Without being gay, just work it until you actually get off, no matter how hard (NO PUN) it is. Seriously. Yay for awkward moments. Link to comment
whysoalone Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Side note, it'll probably be a semi the whole way through, BUT KEEP GOING! Link to comment
2much2early Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 I don't know. We've only been dating for like 3 weeks. How could she possibly want to stay with me after this? I had to really convince her not to go home last night when she was upset. But she was visibly upset. I don't even know how it is going to work out. Like I said, disaster Dude relax! You're going to get in your head and make it worse. I was in the exact same situation. Same length of time for dating and it happened twice. If this girl runs you know she wasn't worth it. If she sticks around that's a pretty good sign. My girl stuck around and it wasn't a problem. It's a tough spot to be in, but you're in it either way. Don't be insecure. It's nothing permanent and there's nothing wrong with you. Very normal and this girl needs to accept that. Link to comment
Staple Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 Thanks 2much2early. Seriously made me feel better. Ah well, hopefully you're right about this not being some kidn of a permanent thing I wish I knew why this is happening... Link to comment
arrakis77 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Thanks 2much2early. Seriously made me feel better. Ah well, hopefully you're right about this not being some kidn of a permanent thing I wish I knew why this is happening... Are you able to get an erection when solo? If so, this isn't a medical issue. I agree with the others this sounds like performance anxiety. You have to NOT think about, relax and SLOW DOWN. Avoid excess alcohol too. How long did was your last attempt for? Link to comment
Staple Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 Not that long. I honestly don't know if its her or its me. Could it be a lack of foreplay etc...? She didn't really give long enough of a bj etc..., I have no idea. What a headache. Link to comment
arrakis77 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Try to work in more foreplay and take it slow. 15-20 mins. or however long you need. If for any reason you feel rushed or forced, it won't happen. Do you like her and feel a connection with her? This is 95% in your head and will get better with time. Link to comment
Staple Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 That's the problem though. She barely wants any foreplay. She'll barely start giving me a bj for less than a minute before she already wants it. My last ex would keep going till I was hard enough. Could that be the reason? It is just difficult to get hard and in the mood when she starts saying "do you not want to do this" etc... and then that kills the entire mood. Link to comment
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