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1 step forward, 2 steps back?


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I cannot make sense of his signals! I am 29yrs old and sweet on a coworker. (Large company, different buildings, no hierarchy issues, would find another job if it came to it). I so rarely meet a man I like! And just to meet one I am so keen to know is exciting. But he is the proverbial "shy guy". He can be confident and assertive where he works (his department, location) but when he is in any social situation he zips up tight. (Like the office where I work). Our company is very casual, jeans kind of place.


I didn't ever see or talk to him until I was transferred to another dept. The first time we talked I said something flirtatious and touched his arm. I thought nothing of it, didn't know him, wasn't sweet on him, just being casually friendly. Well he avoided me for about a month after that. I assumed he just didn't like me.


Once he started coming around again I noticed he was cute, nice, SMART! and incredibly sexy. I started to flirt with him and managed to get his number. We sometimes text and email. My best bud is a shy guy and he advised me to take it easy on him (flirting n joking wise). So I switched up to just being nice. And I have noticed some progress. Actually speaking to me! At my desk. Six minute conversation on the phone, (on the pretense of work) some actual eye contact and smiles while speaking. Less of the red face tongue-tied stuff. But he still won't meet me for lunch. If I come on too strong he takes two steps back (like dropping off his paperwork before I even get to the office) after he chickens out on a lunch invite.


How can I tell if this guy actually likes me and shy is getting in the way? Or doesn't like me and is still too shy to tell me? AND! How do I let him know that he is special. (I am friends with other men at work, texting n lunches). I just want to get to know him, and then, maybe a whole lot more! Also he is three years younger than me, that may also contribute?


Thank you! The first time I have ever solicited internet advice but shy men are just so difficult to crack!

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Age has little difference.


Shyness is a really terrible thing to overcome. I am glad you decided to make the moves, as most girls take the 'traditional' female role of waiting for everything to happen for them.


One thing you will probably have to do is put him on the spot. If you want progress your going to have to do it. If he is interested in you, it will make him incredibly embarrassed, but that will quickly fade as you gave him the chance to overcome it. If he isnt interested in you, he will most likely act surprised and find the easy way to bail.


Having the knowledge that a member of the opposite sex is interested in you, gives you a great deal of confidence in yourself and helps to counteract shyness - at least for a time. Like a wave of cold water on a really hot day.

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Like hard core asking him out? I have thought about it but I'm hesitant because...

Right now he won't/can't even accept the lunch invite.

There is no private way to do it and it seems less than compassionate to put him on the spot in front of others.

I sometimes think he likes me. I catch his eyes and see it in his smile, but just when it seems like we are getting somewhere he goes off the radar for a day or two. Maybe he's just not into me?


Maybe he thinks I'm not into him because of my other guy friends at the office. How are you even supposed to know when a shy guy likes you when they are so darn difficult to read?


He could very well be thinking the same thing... could you give me an example of on the spot?

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