Trying to heal

[heartsoulmind]

I have been trying to heal my heart and to move on for months now. It doesn't seem to be working too well... I find myself thinking about him frequently and although I have finally begun to sleep at night (thank gawd!), I still find myself waking up thinking about him. I feel anger and disappointment and much sadness for what was lost and will never be again, and for how things turned out after the relationship ended.

 

He contacted me right after the BU and continued to do so for a couple of months until I told him I needed NC - his contact just made me hurt more than I already did. I truly loved him with all I had, fell in love with him and was in love with him when I broke up with him. But as time went on, as our lives changed with family and career, we weren't compatable - we wanted different things from life. Letting go of someone you love is hard to do even though we loved each other (or so I thought). I've never asked or wanted to get back together - when it was over, it was over.

 

It has been just over six months since the BU (we were together for almost four years) and in that time, I found out that he had a new girlfriend no more than three months later (and he's in the relationship with her still). From the time I asked for NC, within a few weeks he contacted me and he has since then every few weeks(what does his GF think and does she know?!). So when he contacted me a few weeks ago, it just angered me to the point of no return. I replied to his last message because I wanted to and although not exactly kind, it was firm telling him to not contact me again.

 

He's moved on with his life, why can't he let me move on with mine?

 

Odd, but I had marriage end and it did not make me feel this way (we're friendly with each other still) and I've had one other relationship and it did not end this way either (we're friendly with each other still, too).

[dramallama]

It's not very fair on you for him to contact you, especially when he has a new GF and ESPECIALLY that you asked him politely not to the first time. It's the height of selfishness. I would suggest that as hard as it is, you don't respond to him at all next time he contacts you because it will just keep him going. Sometimes silence, continued, long-term silence, is the only method that send the message accross. But it shouldn't even have to get to that point, especially if your ex cares about you, supposedly.

 

Whether you realise it or not you ARE healing. You have gotten your sleep routine back. In order to heal you need to think about it and work through the pain. There's no avoiding it. Treat yourself kindly and connect with family and friends. Try writing in a journal about whatever you like. I don't write in a journal every day, but during my break up it really helped me.

[heartsoulmind]

Thank you for telling me I AM healing. I feel like I am some days and then some not so much (like today). My friends and family have been great support and I love them deeply and for you (and ENA). I have been writing in a journal for the last month almost daily but not so much these past few days (I don't know why exactly) but I hope to get back to it again soon as it did feel like it helped me.

 

I will not respond to him at all if he contacts me again. I thought with my silence and him being in his current relationship, I wouldn't have to worry but I was wrong. So when I received his last message, it took me off guard.

 

As for my sleep routine, I am so very thankful it came back. Really I am! It came back a few days after the following exchange, which I think was firm and to the point, which IS MY LAST with him (it makes me chuckle even now and perhaps it will make you and others chuckle, too!). And so far, so good - haven't heard a peep from him nor do I expect to... would you?!

 

The last message he sent to me: You passed through my mind the other day. I hope everything is going well in your world and that you have much joy and happiness.

 

My reply the next day, after getting past some not so nice feelings and thinking before sending was:

I read your message yesterday. If I should ever pass through your mind again and you feel the need to tell me, send it to me telepathically. Keep your fingers off the keyboard and do not contact me again. You have moved on with your life. Let me move on with mine without hearing from you and I will have true happiness and joy in my life."

[dramallama]

One thing that helped me was to write letters to my ex. I would read them back to myself months later and I would be like "what was I thinking?" but it was very therapeutic at the time so that's all that matters. I don't know why your ex feels the need to continue contacting you. Probably for an ego boost and to make sure you're still there. I don't know. Many exes are not like that and they will leave you alone to heal, but then there are many that are like that.

 

lol, I loved your response to him! It's a very good choice of words for your last contact ever. He looks like the sad and sorry one for contacting you now.