Beluga23 Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 So, post-breakup.. ex decided to take a break, so I thought it was completely over. I grieved and wanted to move on.. but at that moment, the ex contacted me. It was just friendly chatter at first... then he started saying that he missed me and stuff. Yet, I stayed strong and I told him that we were just friends. A week later, he wanted to get back together. He begged and pleaded... and I said, let's see if we can work out some of our problems as friends so we don't go down that road again. So, we worked on those things and I started to trust him.. and everyday he was better.. and everyday he told me that he wanted to be with me. Then today, I told him that I was ready to try again.. and what does he do? He tells me that he's not ready. He tells me that *something* didn't feel right and that he "needed more time." Right... a few weeks ago, he was begging me to come back.. and now, all of a sudden, he changes his mind? Can anyone help explain this to me? Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 People want what they can't have. When you were unattainable, you were more attractive. Once you "gave yourself back" to him, you were expendable and you lost your perceived value to him. He never really wanted you back at all, he just wanted something because he thought he couldn't have it, like the little boy who wants the plastic car in the toy store window but mommy says it's too expensive, then one day he finds it under the Christmas tree and plays with it for about 10 minutes then moves onto something else and forgets about it entirely. Which is why going no contact to "win the person back" is a poor strategy that fails most of the time. Link to comment
Beluga23 Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 I didn't go NC to "win the person back." In fact, I told him that I didn't want him back. I wanted to be friends... but little by little, each and every day, he told me he loved me and that he missed me... is that all I was, just some shiny toy that he wanted and didn't want again... Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 I didn't go NC to "win the person back." In fact, I told him that I didn't want him back. I wanted to be friends... but little by little, each and every day, he told me he loved me and that he missed me... is that all I was, just some shiny toy that he wanted and didn't want again... I wasn't referring to you specifically when I gave that example however your failed reconciliation provides a great example of why NC doesn't work as a "tool" to "get an ex back". And yes, it appears you were the shiny toy that he wanted until he got it back. Better to find out now rather than 10 years from now with a few little ones running around, a mortgage payment, and other responsibilities that would bind you to a person with whom there is no future. Link to comment
Beluga23 Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 why does it hurt so badly though? I feel like he dumped me all over again... what is with this horrible game? Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 why does it hurt so badly though? I feel like he dumped me all over again Well you feel that way, because he DID. So now you've got the original rejection from which you never fully healed, then another one on top of that, plus all the time, effort and emotion that went into healing as far as you did before you reconciled, plus the knowledge that you were taken advantage of and played a fool even if that's not what he intended to do. Link to comment
Meriem Posted June 25, 2011 Share Posted June 25, 2011 Ugh join the club, this is how it went, he left me, we tried to be friends a month later he told me he wanted me back and that he "loves me" (liar) and so I was extremley happy, three weeks passed and he left me.... yet AGAIN. It's exactly like someone said here, they want what they can't have, this guy broke up with you twice, you know better than to be near him now, you know he doesn't know what he wants and you want to be with someone who is 100% sure he wants you, I'll never go back to my ex no matter what I know he didn't truly love me & the whole getting back together just to breakup again thing is extremley terrible, once something is broken it's broken, no need to try and fix it! I have tried to "move on" from him more than twice, actually around 3 times, so I really know what you mean by feeling dumped all over again and starting over, leave this guy alone he's a man boy who doesn't take responsibility for his actions & words Link to comment
Beluga23 Posted June 25, 2011 Author Share Posted June 25, 2011 Thanks meriem. it's easy to say and extremely hard to do. I can't play the yoyo game, so I'm just going to move past it and put on my big girl pants. His loss, right? Link to comment
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