UH OH! Breaking No Contact, and sending this letter. Please give opinions.

[Hatetolove]

THe main motive of this letter is to bring peace between us emotionally. We dont need to talk. But, i feel like when ever she thinks of me she hates me. Pretty much for being in a three year relationship in which we struggled to keep alive for the past year. Its as if she is blaming all of that on me, and that i have wasted her time. And now, she is only able to focus on the negative things that were in our relationship. I dont want that from her you know? I really love this girl and care for her so deeply. I know that i shouldnt focus on her feelings or care since they arent my responsibility but i still care for her.

[dramallama]

You are sending this because you still care what she thinks of you. However, part of moving on is learning to deal with the fact that you don't NEED to even care what your ex thinks of you. If she is going to focus on the positive things, and for a chance for the negative aspects of you to settle down, then it will come from within HER thoughts and herself, not from you. And that in itself takes time, if it ever is going to happen (it usually doesn't, at least not to the extent where they want to be in a relationship with you). And contacting her because you care what she thinks of you IS manipulative because you are trying to change how she feels about you to further your chances in reconciliation in the future. Like I said, that must come from within her.

[Hatetolove]

You are sending this because you still care what she thinks of you. However, part of moving on is learning to deal with the fact that you don't NEED to even care what your ex thinks of you. If she is going to focus on the positive things, and for a chance for the negative aspects of you to settle down, then it will come from within HER thoughts and herself, not from you. And that in itself takes time, if it ever is going to happen (it usually doesn't, at least not to the extent where they want to be in a relationship with you). And contacting her because you care what she thinks of you IS manipulative because you are trying to change how she feels about you to further your chances in reconciliation in the future. Like I said, that must come from within her.

 

 

IT definitely isnt to further our chances of reconcilation. What i want in the future is happiness for myself. And i dont know what the future holds. that is all. Anyways drama llama. Is this letter really a no go? She was a big part of my life, and i was to her as well and it just went *poof*. In all honesty i feel like her decision was a very mature one because it took one of us to realize that after trying for so long, that itwasnt going to work. I fully accept all of this. Just dont want hatred in the air. It gives this terrible feeling , and i feel like this peace would be better for the both of us. Of course i am also thinking that it will make me feel better, but right now that is my number one. I have always put her before myself in the relationship, and although i feel like this might make her feel better, i also dont want her to hate me because ill feel better. Atleast i think.

[dramallama]

But your ex dumped you. You are the only one that defines your happiness from here on out. And clinging to her and needing to send her a letter, and to get a response, is saying that what she thinks of you defines your happiness when I disagree that it is the case. Basically you are caring too much what she thinks and acting on this letter will just enable that feeling and keep it going. A more constructive thing to do would be to tell yourself that there is no reason to be in touch because it doesn't MATTER what she thinks of you. If you were important to her, she would be with you.

 

But if you really feel that you can handle saying no to her for future contact if she does want to keep contacting you after this, and you have no hope of this letter triggering reconciliation from her end, and if you truly feel that this will help you move on, then you can send it. However, I've seen many dumpees fall into the trap of "just one more contact, just one more." This just doesn't set the tone for moving on very well. It will make you feel better for a little while to send it, but then you will wait for a response, and then you will analyse that response and then whether you should send something back etc. So it's not just "one letter" really. It will have consequence and will delay your healing, which is where true happiness comes from.

 

In the end it won't really matter that you two ended things badly and unless you cheated on her or were a bad boyfriend (abuse), then there really is no reason to send something. Exes are so for a reason, and there's no better time to look to the future than now.

[Hatetolove]

GREAT..... well... i got f'ing wasted last night and called her... she answered pissed off.. asked me if i was drunk, and complained about how late it was and then hung up on me. I sent her a couple of texts that didnt make sense due to T9. anddddddd her last text said... get the hell out of my life, youre crazy.... and i believe.. that is it lol... obviously there cant be anymore contact. I didnt even send the letter, for i believe that there is no need. It is obvious that she doesnt give two * * * * s.

[dramallama]

Ok, well leave her alone then. At least you know that she wants to move on. In a way it will be a blessing in disguise for her to tell you so herself.

[ForumGuy]

The only way you are going to preserve any respect she might have left for you, as well as self respect for yourself, is to be done with her, cut contact, and begin moving on. It will be hard as hell at first, but will get steadily easier as time passes. I can guarantee you that as bad as you will feel, it would be much worse if you continue the cycle of "contact and rejection/disappointment".

[whaaaa]

Like I said, sometimes you have to hit rock bottom to move on. Now that you called drunk she will never have any respect for you anymore but it was apparent that she was over you when you called. So you got your answer and now it's time to move forward and change things for your future. Make yourself a better person and try not to self loathe. If you self loathe she's winning. I know it's easier said than done but you have to be strong minded.