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UH OH! Breaking No Contact, and sending this letter. Please give opinions.

Hatetolove

By Hatetolove
in Breaking Up Advice

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Hatetolove Apprentice

Hatetolove

Posted
Posted

The last year of the relationship that i had with my ex was just us trying to make thigns work. Last week, she went out to lunch with her cousin. She called me later that day and said she was done. She said we had been fighting , and just not enjoying each others company (which is true) It just died. And i completely agree. Its sad because i truly do love her. I really dont know what happened. Anyways, i havent talked to her since and that was over the phone. I know. Over the phone. But you have to understand that we had been breaking up , getting back together non stop, so it feels like it ended a long time ago, so i can understand why she did it on th ephone. SOOOOOO since i really do care about her. HEres the letter

 

 

 

Dear Ashley,

 

I know how emotionally exhausted you are from what we have gone through; trying

to make something work that hasnt been there. It seems like most of our relationship

was trying to make things work. I really did want things to work.

 

im sure that you feel the same way and im sorry. It hurts me to see you in any

kind of pain. Wether it be from me, or anything else.

and have always wanted to relieve you of that pain and stand alongside you.

It hurts alot more to know that this pain had to come from me. Lara, although we

have gone through a really tough break up,

I dont have any negative emotion towards you at all, i dont. I truly love you, i

dont know what it is, and its weird, it really is a crazy feeling. Although it may seem

best to tell myself that I dont love you anymore and just forget, I just cant bring myself to

do it. With out you, I never would have felt these feelings of love.

 

I know you very well, and i know exactly what you think of me. Too be honest, i

wouldnt want to be with that person either, and who am i to tell you that you're

wrong if thats who you percieve me to be. I respect you in

every way, and what you believe is what i want you to believe. But, i can say that im not the

same person that you fell in love with. Although I may have grown up and matured in ways,

i feel that you loved me for being the fun, loving, genuine person that I truly am. I believe

that I am still that person, but I have just been getting hammered with one unfortunate situation after another.

I know that the same has happened to you-that you have changed. But, i know that

you are still the beautiful woman that i fell in love with.

 

I know that before, I would have bothered you and acted like a complete fool, but

it is different this time around. Although I showed up the other night, I do agree

that this is best for the both of us. The other night was just my final attempt i guess.

A very stupid one haha.

 

I hope that you can find happiness, and that everything works out for you, your mother and Mark.

Im sure your mother told you, but i emailed her to apologize about any stress that i have caused

for your family. It makes me feel terrible to think about how I could have upset your mother and

you for acting like such a child. It seems that when we arent together is the only time i can truly

think with a clear head. I guess it was because i tried so hard to please you that i lost touch with

who I actually am, and instead of making things better, my attempts actually backfired.

 

I hope that u are able to find true happiness. I wish you well on your acting career. I

know that you will do big things. And about Riley (our dog that we got together, he was like our son)....... I really dont even

know how to begin with him. I love him so much and you dont understand how much

words could never explain how important he is to me. It rips my heart in two to

lose the both of you. Please hug him for me. I love the both of you

unconditionally, and hope for the best.

 

If i dont hear

from you again, I hope you the best, and not only do i hope that you find some

one that will protect you and make you happy, i hope you live a long and

beautiful life.

 

Love,

 

Dan

ForumGuy Explorer

ForumGuy

Posted
Posted

If it is truly your last letter, go ahead and send it. However, if you are looking and hoping for a reaction from her, forget it....it is too long and you will be lucky if she reads past the first couple of sentences. Most dumpees are so utterly relieved to be out of the relationship that the last thing they want to do is spend time reading a long letter from the dumpee. I've seen it time and time again on here. She wants space right now, and for at least the next several weeks. It is in your own best interest to give her the space, unless you are truly done also.

blueLish Newbie

blueLish

Posted
Posted

Honestly, if you respect this girl and her decision, don't send this letter. You will both heal quicker if you just keep up NC until all feelings are gone. I am sure you are both hurting a lot right now but try leaning on friends and family. Sending that letter will only cause more drama and pain for you both.

Hatetolove Apprentice

Hatetolove

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I am not expecting a reaction. I just dont want her to resent me. I know that she will read the whole thing. Im just not sure if this is a letter that will bring peace between us. I respect her decision, i really do. But, i cant stand the feeling of knowing that she resents me, and am thinking that this might get that off of my chest.

dolorosa Contributor

dolorosa

Posted
Posted

I would not send the letter, I wish I never contacted my ex as I did. It hurts more when you dont get any answers. I am not the right person to say anything since I messed up so bad, I think I have contacted ex like 500 times, but if my experience can help, it hurts way more not to hear from them. Take Care

Vitality Rookie

Vitality

Posted
Posted

I say that you send it as soon as possible. There's nothing wrong with telling someone how you feel. Going straight to NC will just make her think you couldn't care less. Whats the harm in sending the letter? All that's going to happen is occasionally she will think about it and maybe read it from time to time. At least you can leave everything on good terms and after time apart she may come to realise she does need you. But that's not me saying for you to wait around, no one should ever wait around. Because if someone comes back, they're just admitting their own mistake, and some people are far too stubborn to even admit it.

Hatetolove Apprentice

Hatetolove

Posted
  • Author
Posted

She might and might not, and thats exactly why i was contemplating sending this. I dont want her to think that i dont care and dont want her to resent me. So what is better, resent and respect? or Peace and showing ALL OF MY CARDS.

 

You are right though. If i send it, i will be checking my inbox every second. And thinking of MAYBE getting a reply, would just make me think of everything else. Id obsess over it.

 

In all honesty though. How do you think this would make her feel?

 

And

 

I know that she loves me, we were just both exhausted from trying. And i havent contacted her once since the break up. LIterally not once.

WOuldnt that cause more resent from her if i didnt send it?

 

sorry if im rambling guys, im in a rush and need to head to work soon. Feels good to talk to people about this and get this off my chest. Phew

Hatetolove Apprentice

Hatetolove

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I will make the decision during my break at work.

 

I guess ill just take it up on votes lol. Since i am so on the fence about this.

 

So please.

 

In your reply just put, YES or NO

 

at the top

 

and then maybe some feedback following.

 

Sorry haha. I just am tired of over thinking and would like to make this as simple as possible. Im tiring myself out by obsessing over it.

 

Anyways thank you if you are participating

 

 

Off to work. And will check back on your opinions on my break

Glowguy Apprentice

Glowguy

Posted
Posted

Yes,

 

Normally I would advise against this, but I think as far as post break up letters go , this one is pretty good (although maybe a little long). I actually think she might like to read something like this. There is no blaming going on here and you apologized and told her how you felt. If this will help you get some peace of mind then I think it is in your best interests to send it. Just don't follow it up with anything else. I think you should consider removing the paragraph about the dog though.

ForumGuy Explorer

ForumGuy

Posted
Posted

If you do sent it, I would strongly suggest cutting it way, way down. I am speaking from both experience on here and when I have been the dumper and have received letters from the dumpee shortly after a break-up.

Vitality Rookie

Vitality

Posted
Posted

Yes.

 

If you send it, then yes maybe you will be checking your inbox everytime. But when you said letter I thought you meant an actual hand written one. That would be more powerful than any text message or email. But if you don't send it, you might come to regret it and by the time you change your mind it will be too late.

listed Newbie

listed

Posted
Posted

I'm not sure if you should send it or not but just on an editorial note this section is confusing

". But, i can say that im not the

same person that you fell in love with. Although I may have grown up and matured in ways,

i feel that you loved me for being the fun, loving, genuine person that I truly am. I believe

that I am still that person, but I have just been getting hammered with one unfortunate situation after another."

listed Newbie

listed

Posted
Posted
NO

 

A resounding NO. Don't send it. It's too soon after the break-up. And SHE dumped you. If, however, I'm outvoted on this and you decide to send it, downsize it and get her name right [Ashley...Lara?]

 

If it really is soon after the break up then maybe you'll regret it later, no reason not to just hold on to it for now.

adel80 Newbie

adel80

Posted
Posted

YES

 

Hi, I broke up with my boyfriend and he wrote me a 4 page letter from the bottom of his heart and it really touched me - I was crying and questioning my decision to break up. Still not back together though but it really made me think. We were not on any official NC at the time though! I still have the letter!

mdrnlvdly Newbie

mdrnlvdly

Posted
Posted

YOU HAVE TO SEND THIS. (MINUS THE LAST PARAGRAPH)

 

Breaking up over the phone, is hard. It probably came as a bit of a shock to you and you were most likely agreeable and ended the conversation to keep it from being awkward. However, you didn't get an opportunity to express you feelings about the break up and you should have that opportunity. Send the letter, and leave it alone. Vent your feelings and move on. Expressing your feelings will prevent you from building any further resentment toward her and allow you to heal and move on much faster.

 

YES SEND

whaaaa Newbie

whaaaa

Posted
Posted

The letter is way too long and you don't really mean everything you said in the letter because you want her back. If she told you I'm actually dating someone and am happy, you're telling me that you would be happy for her. I understand the nice guy role but the letter is just wayyy too much. If you want you can send her a simple text or email saying I understand this is the way things have to be and I will respect your decision and leave you alone but know that you always have a place in my heart. Some crap like that. But do not send that long winded letter. Hey listen, some people have to play themselves out and hit rock bottom before they understand that getting back together is out of your control. Good Luck

Tired Tiger Enthusiast

Tired Tiger

Posted
Posted

NO.

 

Looking back through your started threads, the two of you have been going back and forth with indecision and confusion for months. You're stuck in a dysfunctional break up. As heartfelt and accepting as your letter here appears on the surface, in reality it will only serve to continue the cycle. Just quietly let her go.

Hatetolove Apprentice

Hatetolove

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I'm not sure if you should send it or not but just on an editorial note this section is confusing

". But, i can say that im not the

same person that you fell in love with. Although I may have grown up and matured in ways,

i feel that you loved me for being the fun, loving, genuine person that I truly am. I believe

that I am still that person, but I have just been getting hammered with one unfortunate situation after another."

 

whoops... revise to

 

But, i can say that I havent been the

same person that you fell in love with. Although I may have grown up and matured in ways.

i feel that you loved me for being the fun, loving, genuine person that I truly am. I believe

that I am still that person, but I have just been getting hammered with one unfortunate situation after another

Hatetolove Apprentice

Hatetolove

Posted
  • Author
Posted
The letter is way too long and you don't really mean everything you said in the letter because you want her back. If she told you I'm actually dating someone and am happy, you're telling me that you would be happy for her. I understand the nice guy role but the letter is just wayyy too much. If you want you can send her a simple text or email saying I understand this is the way things have to be and I will respect your decision and leave you alone but know that you always have a place in my heart. Some crap like that. But do not send that long winded letter. Hey listen, some people have to play themselves out and hit rock bottom before they understand that getting back together is out of your control. Good Luck

 

 

As much as i DO wish that we could be together, it is only that because i know that it wouldnt work.... I mean, i would like to be with later on in life along the lines, but i know that it isnt somehting that is good for either of us right now. For now, i just dont want her to resent me and regret spending three years of her life with me.

 

and about her being with another guy-yes i would definitely be hurt by that. When i said that i wanted her to be happy, i didnt mean that i actually WANT her to find someone (just not immediately) What i really want is for her to be happy, with or with out me really. Being with me right now isnt doing it for her nor i.

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