frree Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Sort of a reverse of the bad boy syndrome. I was in therapy, and I've had what I believe may be a possible erotic transference to my therapist. She is so very sweet, empathic, cute and appears to be a nice women. As anyone who's had this would know, you may fantasize about the therapist in a romantic way. I'm aware that nothing can and never will happen between us. What surprises me though, is my fantasies towards this therapist. I think about turning her bad and wild. I think about us in a Bonnie and Clyde sort of way, committing bank robberies, violent assaults etc... My attraction to her is the fact she does come accross as a nice girl. I think about dominating her sexually (not rape), and getting her to dress in in short skirts and spanking her over my knee. I was wondering though, has any men here had the compulsion to want to make a nice girl bad? Like get a sweet, nice innocent looking lady and getting her into kinky sex and breaking the law? I have no interest in women who are already dominant in nature, I want to find a very feminine female and bring the wild side out in her.
reboundstudent Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Perhaps time to find a new therapist... A man preferably, I'd think.
Stay_home Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 We've all had thoughts to some degree of that nature. But it's kind of disturbing in the way you put those thoughts out there like you did and I agree with reboundstudent; you need to seek another therapist and preferably of the same sex. How can you ever get over your situation if that's all that you're thinking about when she's trying to help you?
shuttlefish Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 a.w.e.s.o.m.e. Problem is that you shouldn't be thinking of your therapist that way. Your waitress, your lawyer and your therapist - they are all women paid to pay attention to you, don't mistake that for actual interest. As for the turning nice girl bad thing. Done it, it was great, it was more than great - it was hot and super and crazy and spank-banky, but then she dumped me lol. Life goes on. Her next b/f is going to wonder where she got all these ideas from!!
frree Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 We've all had thoughts to some degree of that nature. But it's kind of disturbing in the way you put those thoughts out there like you did and I agree with reboundstudent; you need to seek another therapist and preferably of the same sex. How can you ever get over your situation if that's all that you're thinking about when she's trying to help you? I'm not always thinking about that when I'm with her. Just sometimes I do. If you know anything about erotic transference then you'll know me breaking away could be disastrous. I have no interest in seeing a male therapist. Me and other men don't get along.
frree Posted June 24, 2011 Author Posted June 24, 2011 a.w.e.s.o.m.e. Problem is that you shouldn't be thinking of your therapist that way. Your waitress, your lawyer and your therapist - they are all women paid to pay attention to you, don't mistake that for actual interest. As for the turning nice girl bad thing. Done it, it was great, it was more than great - it was hot and super and crazy and spank-banky, but then she dumped me lol. Life goes on. Her next b/f is going to wonder where she got all these ideas from!! Why shouldn't I be thinking of my therapist that way? It's only fantasy plus she looks good. I know she has no interest in me, that doesn't bother me too much because I'm a realist. Why'd the girl dump you anyway?
shuttlefish Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 1.) whatever gets you through the night. Though I suppose it depends what you are in therapy about. Nothing wrong with a bit of fantasy, it's just that like someone else posted here, you might not be getting value for your sessions if you are thinking about hot sex! 2.) She dumped me because I had no time for her...she needed more than I could give and she got tired of that. We weren't suited really, so no hard feelings at all.
listed Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 Perhaps time to find a new therapist... A man preferably, I'd think. Actually what he's describing is supposed to be normal. I'm not sure if psychiatrists or any group of psychiatrists consider it proper for someone to switch psychiatrists for that reason. It's possible (I'm pretty ignorant about it) but it seems with the theory behind it he'd have to start all over again with a different therapist. I think "loving your therapist" thing is supposed to contribute to the cure, from what I've heard in my sociology classes.
frree Posted June 25, 2011 Author Posted June 25, 2011 Actually what he's describing is supposed to be normal. I'm not sure if psychiatrists or any group of psychiatrists consider it proper for someone to switch psychiatrists for that reason. It's possible (I'm pretty ignorant about it) but it seems with the theory behind it he'd have to start all over again with a different therapist. I think "loving your therapist" thing is supposed to contribute to the cure, from what I've heard in my sociology classes. Yes, thank you for understanding. I don't love my therapist, transference can feel similar but it's not real love. I am attracted to my therapist but I know she is doing her job. She may have feelings towards me herself, but only as a therapist and I accept this.
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