My girlfriend opening up

[ohioboy]

My girlfriend doesnt have a good relationship with anyone in her family. Especially her Dad who treated her the worse. She moved out her old house and moved with grandparents. Its been 3 months and no contact with her Dad at all. So she talked to him recently and she didnt tell me. I found out because she sent me a text that was meant to her friend.

 

Shes not big on talking about whats hurting her or emotions like I am. Which is why I dont understand why shed talk to her friend about it, but not me! I asked her in the car earlier if she'd talk about it. And she immediately aid NO. i asked why and she said she didnt want too because it was that bad.

 

She rarely tells anyone specifically whats bothering her and I hate it so bad. If your gonna tell anyone anything like that why wouldnt it be someone you love? How can I get her to open up more? I just feel like she isnt comfortable with me 100% with this stuff. We've been together 10 months.

[motleylou]

Hey ohioboy I understand completely where you're coming from. My ex gf was just like that, never opened up with me on big stuff, like her parents divorce or how much she resents her dad. It ended up killing the relationship, her dad who treated her terrible is moving 6 states away to be with his new gf and my ex lost it and went into her shell of depression and then broke off the relationship. I actually went to a therapist about it because I thought it was my fault that she felt that way. And the therapist told me that generally girls that don't have any type or bad relationships with their fathers tend to not trust men because that's what they have grown up with and are conditioned to do.

 

Like you I also was very open with my problems even deep ones and never once blew off one of her issues when she would talk about it and was always there for her. I just don't know if people like that will ever change, my ex had a real problem opening up and feeling vulnerable. I believe she saw it as a sign of weakness in herself and never wanted to let me see her at a weak point. I don't know if your gf is the same way, but mine had a BIG wall up when ever it came to apologizing or looking weak in my eyes she would just hold it all in. One night when she was really really drunk she told me about some very personal stuff that she had never told her friends or family and I believe the whole time she regretted telling me.

 

So i'm not really sure what you should do obviously talk about it with her and tell it bothers you. Because in the end all this being closed off will kill the relationship, and if she is open with you it will probably make you to stronger. But I just don't know if people like that can be 100% open and honest ever in their life.

[ohioboy]

It's not like she wont tell me anything because shes told me very serious stuff that nobody else knows, but it took awhile and it seems like she has to be in a certain mood. And one time she opened up and at he end she said "thanks for listening". I felt like a therapist when she said that. But it only seems hard when it comes to her Dad. I just dont get why she was telling someone else, if it was so bad to talk about. Wouldnt she only wanna tell me if that was the case?

[Stay_home]

Been there before... still have the t-shirt hanging in my closet.

 

It made for a very difficult, patchy and often lumpy relationship because the ex just kept this shell of insecurities/baggie that she clung to for dear life. She was a sweetheart but her emotional stablity and wellness was just up in flames. Similiar dynamic to what you're dealing with:

 

*Strained family ties; Poppa was a rolling stone, big brother a lazy and sloppy MF who after moving in with her was like pulling teeth to help around the house or with financial obligations, often leaving her to bare the weight. Grandfather expired. Pops kind of in and out and Uncle in his own world..........

 

So there's definitely a steady history of problematic situations with the men in her life. You can't always help the way others may treat you. For some women, I'm sure they may use it as motivation to find someone steady, contrary to what they're used to. For other women, the problematic history of failed relationships with men in their lives may be a sign of danger for any other men enroute.