it's been a few months since 4 year relationship

[threestars]

I met my ex towards the end of college, we dated for 4 years and lived together for the last year of it. We broke up in early April, she dumped me, I was still very much in love with her and wanting to be with her which she knows. She's told me she wouldn't get back together this time as we had in the past, and appears to remain strong. In the past 2 weeks she has called me twice, both conversations were long and emotional and she was getting very personal and even lead to phone sex in one of them. I moved about 4 hours away after the relationship ended. She apologized after the first call and said it wouldn't happen again and she just got carried way, well, last night she did it again, it was just as personal and I told her how badly I wanted to see her and make plans; she went on to say how shes busy the next 2 weekends but I told her I would come up during the week...she seemed surprised but happy. When the conversation ended she said i'll talk to you tomorrow and I love you...now just like last week, shes saying it was a mistake and we can't be back together or hang out.....i know she still cares and loves me, and i know i had made mistakes that are holding her back(started my own company, was slow to get off the ground, wasn't able to treat her as good as I had before). So I think shes weary towards taking a chance and afraid of how her friends and family would perceive us getting back together once again.....so whats my best course of action here, i really truly want to be with her again.

 

We broke up previously for a 3 month stretch and ended up getting a place together after getting back together, so we've been down this road before.

[DN]

i know i had made mistakes that are holding her back(started my own company, was slow to get off the ground, wasn't able to treat her as good as I had before).

I don't see the mistake here - do you mean you weren't able to spend as much money on her and she objected to that?

[mat347]

I see my own story in yours kinda. We have been broken up since april also, I switched jobs and wasnt making $, after meeting up once she said we should hang out again but after I have tried setting it up twice and her not following up, etc I gave up.

 

So I don't have any advice for you since I'm looking for the same advice, I think I'm going to try and keep NC going (its been about a week) and heal myself. If they figure out what they want and that includes us great but now is the time for us to grow and heal.

 

Keep your head up, I know its hard.

[threestars]

I don't see the mistake here - do you mean you weren't able to spend as much money on her and she objected to that?

Yea I wasn't able to take her out to nice dinners etc like I had prior-and since most of my credit was tied up she would have to cover house bills for a couple days when I would be getting a paycheck a couple days later as most of my money was going into the business. Now I have loans paid off and it's going well, and I have more money than I've had in a while and things are going well, and she's not in my life anymore....

 

 

It's tough Mat, whenever I've attempted to go NC with her she comes back and I'm too weak and end up answering or looking at what she has to say and break NC. I really didn't want to answer last night cause I knew this would happen today, but what can I say.

[DN]

Did she pay her share of dinners and other dating expenses?

[threestars]

The first few years I almost entirely covered dinners and dating experiences. The last year or so I still took her out when I could but it was much less than previously due to paying off loans and the business. During that year she was starting to pay for dates etc more often but nowhere near the level I had in previous years. She also felt that she was contributing more to the house we rented but it really didn't seem to be the case, and if anything it was very slightly more. My business isn't a 9-5 office job so I think the fact that I was able to do a lot from my computer at home made her feel like I wasn't doing much. Now I'm at the point where I don't need to put much time into my business and can work another job as well for extra income. It just seems crazy that she went through the rough period and gave up when it was known to both of us that the greener pastures were only a month or two away.

[DN]

If she wants to come back because you can now afford to pay for her again I think her motives in dumping you and wanting you back are a disgrace and would want nothing to do with her.

[threestars]

So far she hasn't outright said she wants me to come back-the other day she asked me what i would do if she asked me to come back, but didn't actually ask me. I think she felt like i wasn't being responsible enough or going to do anything positive in life, despite the fact that I'm only 25 and have worked for good companies since graduating.

 

I asked her again about hanging out mid week and she didn't slam the door shut on it, but didn't come out with a yes.

[DN]

Starting a business isn't being responsible or positive?

 

Perhaps not if you can't pay for her dinners. Depends on your perspective and priorities I suppose.

[threestars]

I guess it just doesn't seem like much to someone waking up everyday at 7am for work and getting back at 5ish when I'm accomplishing stuff without having to leave the house. Seems like more jealousy on her end but hard to really figure, at times she was supportive with my work, and others she acted like I wasn't doing a damn thing which couldn't be further from the truth.

 

We talked during the day yesterday(she said lets talk tomorrow after our phone conversation). She was in denial most of the time and masking her feelings.......the night before she was begging to fall asleep on the phone together and the next she's acting like she doesn't know what she wants. The conversation ended with her saying she was getting irritated so I said sorry and to have a good rest of her day. She didn't say anything else after that point as I kinda expected so when I left work(yes, I'm now also working 9-5 job) I just sent her a text message and said have a good weekend with family as she told me what she was going to be up to. Again no sort of response, it just hurts getting these intimate and personal phone calls and then going back to this lull. I think my best bet is attempting to woo her and have a good time with her on Tuesday, if I can't make something happen then full no contact has to commence because she's just going to play tricks with my head...