help with breakup, possible to reunite?

[jduryea]

About 2 months ago my girlfriend of the last year started pulling away. 1 month ago she pulled the trigger and dumped me. She said she wasn't happy, wouldn't marry me, and other typical pull away behavior. I tried to make up for how busy and neglectful I've been towards the end by buying her a few gifts. It was a mistake - she thought I was trying to buy her back. A week or few days would go by and I wouldn't contact her. Then I would and I would beg, essentially plead for her. 3 weeks go by before she gets her things from me. Very messy. She said she didn't want to talk, but I told her we could be friends. She says she'll let me know when she feels romantic about anyone. The other day, 1 month after the breakup, she tells me a "gorgeous cool" guy from the hospital she's a resident at asked her out and she said yes. I asked her if it was a rebound. She says no because she doesn't need anyone. A day goes by I tell her I thought giving me how amazing he is was unnecessary, even if I had wanted to know when she's dating again. Big fight. She says she doesn't want to talk and we can't be friends for awhile. Is it possible for me to get her back? I love this girl so much. I am going crazy. Can't sleep, barely eating. Is this guy a rebound? He asked her out...

[jduryea]

I've been really insecure throughout this whole thing... Very messy.

[TakingtheBlame]

I am sorry you are going through this, but you're better off assuming she's not coming back. She is making it very clear that right now she doesn't want to be with you, and is uncomfortable with you trying to get her back, so there's nothing more you can do at this very moment without pushing her even farther away. Nobody knows what will happen in the future, but there are no signs that I can see from her behavior RIGHT NOW that would make me believe you will get her back. Let her go, and focus on trying to heal yourself. It seems impossible now but as time goes by things will get a loooot easier.

[jduryea]

I'm so hurt by not being given another opportunity and her moving on so quickly. And then how angry she's been with me over my own behavior. My own sabatoge. We were so in love. It is so hard for me to heal. I don't really have any close friends to turn to in town and now I feel so broken I don't know what to do with my day but 'stalk'.

[TakingtheBlame]

I'm so hurt by not being given another opportunity and her moving on so quickly. And then how angry she's been with me over my own behavior. My own sabatoge. We were so in love. It is so hard for me to heal. I don't really have any close friends to turn to in town and now I feel so broken I don't know what to do with my day but 'stalk'.

 

I'm so sorry. I know how that feels and it sucks...I've had my heart broken several times and the first few weeks or months can feel like the end of the world. But honestly, all you can do right now is survive these trying times. Don't try to be HAPPY, because that will come with time...try to just keep moving, stay focused on anything but your ex, keep yourself busy. Drag yourself out of bed in the morning to go to the gym or to go for a run (sign up for a local 5k if it'll give you a goal to focus on beyond aimless working out.) Find local activities or volunteer opportunities so you have something to keep you busy on weekends, and a venue to make new close friends in town. It won't be easy, you will be in pain a lot of the time, but if you want to move on (and if, by some chance, you're ever going to get back together with your ex) you have to leave her alone. She knows you still want her but she doesn't want you for whatever silly reason she may have...and you can't force her to be with you if she doesn't want to, even if her reasons are ridiculous. You can't control how SHE feels but you can try to guide how YOU feel.

 

Best of luck; we've all been where you are and gotten through it. You will meet someone again who you love just as much. It just takes time and effort, but it's worth it in the end.

[jduryea]

Thanks... I'm trying. It sucks knowing she's already dating. Big gut wrencher.

[tresqua]

That's why you don't want to stay friends with an ex that dumped you.

 

Nothing in there for you but pain.

[Oasiswater]

Jduryea, I don't mean to be hurtful in saying this... but the reason she dumped you, is because she doesn't want to be with you. Nothing's stopping her from picking up the phone right now and calling you, telling you she wants you back. It's best to let sleeping dogs lie, and just let this go.

I agree with tresqua. NO good comes out of being friends with an ex. None at all.

 

Besides, as many here have said, if you really want her back, the ONLY proven way to go about that is to go no-contact. The more you bother her, and pester her, is the more she'll remind herself why she doesn't want to be with you. She's quite happy without you in her life yet, and every time you contact her, you not only hurt yourself, but you don't give her a chance to realize what she's walked out on.

[mdrnlvdly]

wow... this one sucks. About 2 years ago I caught my fiance sleeping with another guy. 3 months before our wedding. I was crushed, couldn't eat or sleep. I put her out of the house and she started to date him regularly.

 

What you have to understand, although its not going to help the pain now, is that she was gone months before she ended it. You can't get her back, she's bitter about you and she sees all contact with you as a negative.

 

Get some sleep, workout, work, go out with your friends. Its going to hurt, write down how you feel. 6 months from now, you won't remember these feelings.

 

I've been there, I couldn't even get out of bed, I lost 25 lbs in 2 weeks, I would sleep in spurts. It will pass. You'll find another and next time you won't make these mistakes.

 

If you can see a therapist, go. Its helpful to do a postmortem on your relationship, to see where you can improve. Focus on being a better man with the next girl and choosing a girl more wisely.

[jduryea]

Thanks, but this is all easier said than done. Not sleeping, eating.

[jduryea]

You wouldn't believe this - last night i go with a friend to a local sushi spot. Just to get out, just to have a beer. I walk in and I'm thinking "that looks like my ex". She's laughing with some handsome young guy. Appears to be having a really good time. I continue to the back where we were going to be seated. IT WAS HER. I about fell down on the ground. I about made a huge scene. My friend got me out of there. Unfortunately, I did send a few texts later on that night. She laughed at one, but then asked if i was following. I made fun of the date and said no. It was fairly immature. I apologized for it today and wished her luck. She said thanks, apologized for coincidence, etc. It hurts like hell tough friends.

 

I know what i need to do - end all contact and just move on. Lets see how it goes. I need to find myself. I've got a date tonight - just to get out - with a very pretty little blonde thing. Probably unfair to her since I'll be thinking of the ex for awhile longer. But I guess this is what being selfish is really all about... "ME".

[jduryea]

This is still messing with me - I've never failed like this. And this girl was (is) perfect... smart, beautiful, way cool. My friends accidentally remind me of it too when they ask what happened. I am entering depression, I can feel it. I cannot believe this. I hurt so much.