He's finally opened up.

[curious987]

Okay so my ex bf of 1.5 years, who broke up with me 2 months ago, has finally opened up to the REAL reasons why he broke it off. They were exactly as I had thought. We never met up and spoke after the break up. We didn't even break up face to face. He was very sudden about the whole thing.

 

He said that he felt like when we were in a group, I would 'ditch' him for everyone else.

 

He said he felt like he was putting more effort into the relationship than I was.

 

I REALLY want him back. But I think that whatever approach I take, it can't be too obvious. I have to win him back subtly....because he became angry and frustrated with the way I was in the relationship, I imagine that the main thing stopping him from wanting to get back, would be the possibility of me being the same unaffectionatem unappreciative person as before.

 

I'm a little confused how to go about it. I know now to rush into anything. Let it happen naturally. But because I know that the breakup was pretty much down to the way I was acting, I sorta feel like I have some control.

 

I think he thought I didn't love him anymore. I realise now, after I've had time to reflect, that I really was quite neglectful of the relationship. I'm so angry at myself. I love him. I think we're great together. I just need to stop underestimating the importance of physical attention!

 

Based on all of this, as in, the reasons behind the break up, does it sound like, if I had a good approach, I would have a good chance of winning him back? He was always really in love with me. Everyone said they could tell, even by the way he'd just look at me while I was talking. I let him down. And I want to fix it : (

[DN]

Have you told him that you realise he was right and that you weren't putting effort into the relationship. that you do love him and if he took you back you would do your part in making the relationship work?

[TakingtheBlame]

I'm just curious...did he ever express these concerns to you while you were dating?

[Eocsor]

How about the truth? Tell him how you feel and what yiu think has changed that will allow the relationship to work. I've never been a fan of games or "approaches". Just straight up tell him and then you'll know where you stand.

[curious987]

Yes I have told him that I take full responsibility for what I was doing wrong. I've even told him what I now think I SHOULD have been doing. I tell him I should have made him a priority.

 

And no, he never spoke to me about these issues. He let them build up, hoping that they would go away, but obviously they didn't. I said to him, all he had to do was sit down with me and tell me that he wasn't getting what he wanted from the relationship.

His response was "You tell me that all I had to do was tell you all this, but how am I supposed to know what you're going to say?" So basically, he was worried I'd reject him and possibly break up with him.

 

I can tell, even when I talk to him over IM, he is very guarded. I don't blame him though. It's only been 2 months, so I don't wanna be leaping at him. I want to give him some space. I told him I have feelings for him.

It will be interesting to see how things go from here.

 

I'm sure a part of him would want to be get back with me. But I also have a feeling that he will be concerned that things will head in the same direction again. He may not trust me when I say "I've changed". I understand that though. I think, knowing his personality, if I say anything too direct he may be frightened off, or feel backed into a corner. I need to show him I care about him, and miss him. I think I need to make an effort to do all of this, because it was my LACK of effort that lead to the breakup.