Falling for a girl after a few dates...

[caseh]

Just started dating a girl around 3 weeks ago, 3 weeks later and we've seen each other several times now, each time it just gets better. We've completely clicked, the conversation is non-stop whenever we are together and for once i've met someone where it doesn't feel one sided.

 

Now its getting to a point where I think i'm falling for her, shes asked me to stay over the last two times i've seen her and i've managed to decline on both occasions. As I really like her I don't want to dive into bed at the first given opportunity as that will basically change everything.

 

I'm not that long out of a relationship, around 6 weeks and it only lasted around 6 months before that ended. I know i'm not rebounding as I had already come to terms with the fact that was over before I agreed to the date with this girl. I was quite hurt in last relationship due to the way it ended but healed pretty fast, a bit of experience in past has helped with this.

 

I guess i'm just feeling a bit cautious about going into another relationship. I really like this girl and I can tell shes completely into me but I don't want to rush in like a fool only to get hurt again. Argh, I dunno...help!

[guynextdoor]

Why don't you let her know you want to take and slow? Takes a real man to say no at the first opportunity to jump in the sac.

[TakingtheBlame]

So just don't rush in. That's never a good idea anyway. What makes you think you have to?

[rockerstar]

Enjoy the slowness of getting to know one another...you only get one opportunity at that before everything becomes familiar. I read somewhere, that when you start a relationship, who you are, what you etc, should unfurl slowly like a flower, so that way two months later, you're still being surprised by them.

[Jd1983]

Take it one day at a time.

 

No one said it had to be a rush anyways. When I first started dating my bf, I initiated sex early on, but my bf declined telling me that he didn't want to lose respect for me, but he'd rather get to know me better. I thought it was kinda sweet considering he had a promiscuous past.

 

Fast forward 3 years later, and we're still going strong.

 

Once you're ready, everything will fall into place.

[Sparkly Eyes]

Take it one day at a time.

 

No one said it had to be a rush anyways. When I first started dating my bf, I initiated sex early on, but my bf declined telling me that he didn't want to lose respect for me, but he'd rather get to know me better. I thought it was kinda sweet considering he had a promiscuous past.

 

Fast forward 3 years later, and we're still going strong.

 

Once you're ready, everything will fall into place.

 

I wouldn't find that sweet if I was in your shoes, but rather a red flag. Why would he lose respect for you because of sex? This is the kind of attitude in men I try to stay away from personally.

 

OP, Why do you think having sex will change everything?

[caseh]

OP, Why do you think having sex will change everything?

 

It's a sign of commitment from my perspective but of course a lot of people see sex differently.

 

I see what people are saying when they say take it slow, i'm just a bit concerned that she may get the impression that i'm not really looking for a relationship but that isn't the case.

[BlueMilk]

Sparkly Eyes, that's not fair at all.

 

Some guys may lose respect for a woman if they slept with her early on. It doesn't have to happen intentionally, maybe he was just brought up or was conditioned to appreciate a woman more if he kept his distance at first and only slept with 'flings' early on. Or if, as Jd1983 has stated, he has a promiscuous past then he knows better than anyone what it means to HIM to have sex too early in the relationship, maybe he wants to break his pattern. Obviously he didn't toss her to the wayside because /she/ wanted sex early, he stopped it because he knew that /he/ had a problem with it, not with /her/.

 

And really, that is rather harsh. A man initiating sex too early and women would consider him a creep and only after one thing. A man declines sex to try and maintain that he ISN'T looking for one thing and women scream that he is a sexist and chauvinistic pig who shouldn't judge a woman by when/how she wants to have sex.

 

Well hell, sometimes the /guy/ isn't ready, it doesn't always revolve around the girl and what she wants. It takes two to tango.

 

As for the OP, by all means take it slow but since you declined her TWICE now, I would suggest talking to her about it, so she doesn't feel like she is being 'friend zoned' or undesirable; cause let me just say, when a /guy/ says no to a /girl/, its a huuuuge blow to the ego (since stereotypical men are horn dogs who never say no.)

[Jd1983]

I wouldn't find that sweet if I was in your shoes, but rather a red flag. Why would he lose respect for you because of sex? This is the kind of attitude in men I try to stay away from personally.

 

Actually, no I don't think that's a red flag. We eventually did have sex after getting to know each other a bit more. He chose not to have sex early on, because he wanted it to have a deeper meaning than he was used to in the past.

 

We've been together for 3 years, and he's still a great loving bf and our sex life is great.

 

Thanks for your input, but it really doesn't apply.

[Sparkly Eyes]

It's a sign of commitment from my perspective but of course a lot of people see sex differently.

 

I see what people are saying when they say take it slow, i'm just a bit concerned that she may get the impression that i'm not really looking for a relationship but that isn't the case.

 

Perhaps you should talk to her about it and see how she feels. Many girls get turned off if a guy doesn't make any move after 3 or 4 weeks.

 

Sparkly Eyes, that's not fair at all.

 

Some guys may lose respect for a woman if they slept with her early on. It doesn't have to happen intentionally, maybe he was just brought up or was conditioned to appreciate a woman more if he kept his distance at first and only slept with 'flings' early on. Or if, as Jd1983 has stated, he has a promiscuous past then he knows better than anyone what it means to HIM to have sex too early in the relationship, maybe he wants to break his pattern. Obviously he didn't toss her to the wayside because /she/ wanted sex early, he stopped it because he knew that /he/ had a problem with it, not with /her/.

 

And really, that is rather harsh. A man initiating sex too early and women would consider him a creep and only after one thing. A man declines sex to try and maintain that he ISN'T looking for one thing and women scream that he is a sexist and chauvinistic pig who shouldn't judge a woman by when/how she wants to have sex.

 

Well hell, sometimes the /guy/ isn't ready, it doesn't always revolve around the girl and what she wants. It takes two to tango.

 

As for the OP, by all means take it slow but since you declined her TWICE now, I would suggest talking to her about it, so she doesn't feel like she is being 'friend zoned' or undesirable; cause let me just say, when a /guy/ says no to a /girl/, its a huuuuge blow to the ego (since stereotypical men are horn dogs who never say no.)

 

Well the reason I said that is that I see this attitude a lot among men to sleep with sl*ts and bring home the good innocent girl!! I find it a sexist attitude and personally I don't respect a guy who thinks about women like that. Would a woman ever lose respect for a guy cause he slept with her early on? rarely if ever. Would a man? yes some would because they think it's ok for them to desire sex but it's not ok for a woman to feel that way early on. Personally, no matter how great a guy is, I couldn't go out with him if he is sexist or believes in double standards. That is very high on my standards.

 

Actually, no I don't think that's a red flag. We eventually did have sex after getting to know each other a bit more. He chose not to have sex early on, because he wanted it to have a deeper meaning than he was used to in the past.

 

We've been together for 3 years, and he's still a great loving bf and our sex life is great.

 

Thanks for your input, but it really doesn't apply.

 

I'm glad your relationship is great. Wanting it to have a deeper meaning is different from losing respect for you though, that would be understandable.

[BlueMilk]

While I don't lose respect for a guy who sleeps with me early on, I /do/ lose respect for a guy who puts the moves on too early, especially aggressive moves.

 

I think what makes me view the situation as /non-sexist/ is that he told her straight up why and he continued to respect her even /after/ she offered. If he was truly sexist he would have lost respect for her as soon as she offered, whether he accepted or not - does that make sense?

 

Back on topic, OP just tell her that you want to take it slow. Don't reject her a third time or it might make her feel out of sorts.