Ladies & Gentlemen: Please help me with these 4 Questions in BOLD.

[Koie]

I liked a girl...she liked me too, we were both unaware of it. i learnt about it only after all this happened. she had recently broken out of a relation, her first one. it was bad. so she is scared of another. but she trusts me completely coz she knows i never lie to her. we flirted occasionally.

i asked her out after 2 months after her break up. she was blushing then. but, she asked for time to consider. n thot abt it for a few days..we were comfortably with each other then, hanging at her place ll the time. the day b4 she was to go for away for a month, for her first job, she called me up the prev night, n askd me to tell her if there was somethin else, i wished to tell her..anythin i wished to talk to her abt...she was in doubt & scared still, wanted assurances. but she had a dream job, her first job at that, the next day, for which she was to go away for a month of training. & she is a worry wort ..i knew that tellin her anythin would make her think n brood over it on the first day of her dream job..i didn tell her anything, i was worried abt her future for her. she then asked me if i was sure & then after that told me that she didnt want any1 to wait for her. i expected it. I knew that caring for her in this way meant hurting myself. but, i took it calmly...n i think she took it as if i wasnt serious in the first place. i didn show my emotions, coz she cares a lot about me n would be hurt if i had shown her that i was hurt too. i played along, we chatted for a while n then ended the call.

saw her off at the airport the next day...she hugged me n asked me to take care, then txtd my frnd telling her: "please take care of him".

every1 around me esp, my elder sis n one girl friend, told me that i shouldve told her my feelings n she would certainly have accepted me coz it was true, deep & genuine love. but also understood that i did it out of love for her & concern for her career as well.

they now want me to talk to her once n for all, when she returns after a month. they say i still have a great chance at this. WILL THIS WORK AS THEY BELIEVE IT WOULD?

She still texts me frm the new place asking how i am doing n whether my mood is fine & how my day was..IS IT OK FOR ME TO RESPOND TO HER OR CAN I INITIATE CONVO? WE ARE STILL CLOSE TO EACH OTHER & CARE A LOT ABT EACH OTHER...

past few days, we have chatted less, coz of me being busy(foolishness)..n now she hasnt texted me at all since 2 days...but when i did text her, she was very enthu abt it & replied immediately. now she has a prob with her cell & she cant call or text any1, my frnd told me that..i feel the need to keep that bond alive between us, coz AFTER A MONTH I WANT HER TO KNOW WHY I DIDN TELL HER, REASSURE HER, AT THAT TIME WHEN SHE ASKED ME TO. IS TELLIN HER THA ACTUAL REASON I.E CARE N CONCERN FOR HE R& HER CAREER, A GOOD IDEA??

WHAT CAN I DO TO KEEP THE BOND ALIVE, FOR THIS ONE MONTH, KEEP HER INTERESTED IN ME STILL??

[abitbroken]

Firstly - who is "THEY?" You say "they want you to talk about this". - your sis and one girl friend? Follow what you think is right, don't listen to them completely - it is okay for them to encourage you, but they don't know what the girl is thinking or feeling. Also, being away for a month is not like she was leaving the country forever. I don't think you did her any favors by dodging her. She was asking you how you felt, and instead of stating your feelings, you played the game of thinking what was best for her to hear, and not saying what you actually felt. If you cared for her a great deal and wanted to be with her, then you should have said that you'd love to date her when she gets back. Have a great time. A month isn't long to 'wait" for someone - a year is. I think she said that she didn't want anyone to wait for her because after you told her nothing, it was like she was saving face. Since you stated no or little interest, it was like a "well, i don't care either, then".

 

If this girl liked you before, she isn't going to forget you after one month. But if she was iffy, this time gives her time to think if she really wants to pursue you or not after you didn't give her more info. There is nothing you can say to try to affect her behavior - just start being true at all times. I can see not telling a dying person they look horrible for their own best interest, but thinking sometimes you have to say how you feel and trust that the other person is mature enough to do with the information what they want with or think what they want. if you say that you don't want to say for the good of her career - it sort of gives the vibe that you don't think that SHE knows best about it.

 

I mean - the whole prob you two have is that you didn't know the other one liked the other one, so stop being so mysterious or vague. Indirectness continues you on a path of "almost" and failure

 

Anyway, just my two cents. You have to play it as it comes. wait for her to call when she gets back or call her when she gets back and that's all you can do, but don't tell her you didn't tellher "for her own good" because she might be upset with you for doing that. Just see where things go.

[Koie]

I understand, but i brought up the matter of "THEY" coz, this gal frnd is a mutually close frnd who know about this all.

& yes, i know that i know the best about her. & i should act accordingly. i only did it, not coz i thot she didn know hw to handle things by herself. as i said, i know about her & she sometimes cares a lot for others first b4 doing so for herself. she was sad to leave this place, even though if it was for a month. & when i told her that i liked her, she asked me why i didn tell her in the first place...i told her the true reason, it was too early for her & that i knew it would hurt her. she accepted the fact & appreciated my concern. can i initiate text convos now? coz she did so for the first few days, she txtd me immediately after she reached the new place n i got busy with stuff n my replies got delayed, so i think she got the idea that i was avoiding her, which m not. so she didn initiate, for 2 days after that..but replied immediately...can i call n text her? i miss her so much.

[abitbroken]

but again you said "because it was too early for HER" according to her thoughts. Let her decide what is right for her. Act according to your own feelings, and let her react how she is going to react. YOu are trying to control the situation too much. Can you call and text her? Why are you even asking me. If you want to talk to her, call her. Don't text if you want to show you are serious. If you want to play a game and see how long she goes without calling - then be my guest too. personally, I don't think your respect her that much as far as her decisions or 'what she can handle". She is not a fragile egg. She might be better off if you don't contact her if you are just going to play the "i didn't do this because i was assessing what was right for you" you are not her parent.