Should I just add her on facebook?

[i miss her 2]

I started a new job a few months ago in a call center as a loan processor. About a month ago this really pretty girl started working there. I can tell right off the bat that she finds me attractive. She gets shy around me and I get shy around her, though we really don't speak much.

 

We're both on the phone all day, so its kinda hard and we don't sit next to each other or anything, but about a week and a half ago I was by her desk and she goes, "Wow you have pretty eyes" I just kinda laughed and said thanks. T

 

hen a few days later I am in the break room and she tells another girl, "This is the one with pretty eyes" Then two times now she has left a note on my desk because she worked some of my accounts while I was at lunch and said, "Here you go pretty eyes"

 

I guess I come off as hard to get but really I am shy and feel it is awkward for me to try and ask her out or something on a call center floor in front of a bunch of people.

 

So we dont talk much but about two days ago I went up to her desk and just made some small talk about the accounts we are working. She could tell what I was trying to do. Then today I was by her desk and she tried to make conversation with me by asking me the same stuff. I can tell she wants to talk to me and I definitely want to to talk to her but I just feel shy at work for some reason.

 

I know she is on facebook. I sent her a request tonight for the heck of it. I was talking to a friend and he said to go ahead and do it. Should I or should I just cancel it? I just feel like I can't really make a move in front of a bunch of people like that.

 

At my last job, I started dating a girl there but it's because we were both working Monday evenings together and she was practically in a corner by herself which gave me the perfect opportunity to start talking to her.

[alli]

You can't really cancel it. A lot of people get the notifications sent to their email, so if she gets an email about it then sees that you cancelled it, it would be weird. I think it's fine though. You know each other, you work together. It's not unusual to be facebook friends.

 

I don't think "asking her out" is the right approach. First off, check to see what the company policy is. Where I used to work, if two coworkers got married, one of them had to quit. No family could work there, I guess. Now, you're just talking about dating, but still you want to know if it will be frowned upon. Secondly, even if there is no work conflict, are you sure it's a good idea? What if she blows you off? Or if you see her a few times and she wasn't what you thought she was? Or worse, dated for a longer period of time and then broke up. Now you're going to have to see each other all day, every day. Ouch.

 

If in the end you still want to pursue getting to know her, invite her to grab some food with you after work. Hang out a few times first after work. If you both still seem interested, then suggest getting together on a weekend or something.

[i miss her 2]

Ugh yeah...well I do know for a fact that they dont want people dating there. Which, I have no problem keeping it on the down low. The last girl I dated at my last job...it was never a problem there. In fact, I still see her once in a while and it's no big deal. I guess thats the kind of guy I am though...not really looking to be serious or get married. Now I wish I could cancel this friend request.

[i miss her 2]

Doesnt she sound kind of interested though?

[alli]

I don't see anything wrong with the friend request. She does sound like she is attracted to you. After all, she nicknamed you "pretty eyes". Does she do similar things with other people though? I remember there was a guy I knew a long time ago. I always thought he was flirting with me, until I was at his house one day & saw his interaction style was exactly the same with his mom and his sister. Obviously he wasn't trying to date either of them. It was just his personality. Just try to observe & see if she treats other people similar to the way she treats you.

[i miss her 2]

No, she definitely does not do that to the others. I even sometimes catch her looking at me and then she looks away when I notice. Do you think I have made her feel bad by not really being receptive to her calling me that? I just don't really know what to say. Im the more quiet, tortured soul , I will open up to you and be the life of the party before you know it type.

[i miss her 2]

Well looks like she accepted my request. I even just sent her an IM and she logged off right away after that. I'm embarassed.

[alli]

Well looks like she accepted my request. I even just sent her an IM and she logged off right away after that. I'm embarassed.

 

Probably not. That happens to me all the time. She was online but probably got off before you logged on. She still looked online because there's a lag time between when they log off and when they appear to log off, but it updates right away to appear offline when you send an IM. Even if she did see your message and log off afterward, whatever. I doubt she did that though. You're overanalyzing everything and thinking too hard about this. She's just a person.

[i miss her 2]

Good way to be positive about this whole thing. I like that!

[alli]

Good way to be positive about this whole thing. I like that!

 

LOL. It's not a stretch. It happens to me fairly often when I IM people, and I don't even initiate conversations that much. But I'm pretty sure all those people aren't ignoring me every time.

 

I have a more detached approach than most people, but I really think you should try to find a way to not get yourself so freaked out over this girl. I'm in the military and I work with some high ranking officers sometimes. It doesn't matter their rank, even if it's a full bird Colonel or even a General. They are still just people. Same goes with dating. No matter who it is, it's just a person.

[i miss her 2]

True. They are all just people. I dont know, I am a tough person to figure out. I have the confidence but a part of me just doesnt want to let people like me it seems. I am almost 100 percent certain I could get this girl to hang out with me, but I will stop myself. I think I sabotage the opportunity to get potential gf's , dates, etc even though I get lonely and want those things. I dont know why I do that! lol

[alli]

Yeah, I couldn't tell you either! I think sometimes we focus too much on the end goal and not so much the journey getting there. And the journey is what fills most of your life. Maybe instead of focusing on dating her, focus on hanging out with her and enjoying her company a few times. Take it from there. Just because an attractive person is friendly to you doesn't mean you have to end up dating or more. Also when you focus on the end goal too much (in this case, I'm guessing it's to get a girlfriend?), you will overlook aspects of that person that conflict with your basic type of person that you want to be with. I'm not saying to hold out when there's a great person in front of you to keep your options open for that nonexistent "10 points in every category". But you really don't KNOW this girl hardly at all. It takes a long time to really get to know someone. When you overlook the things you might see as small in the beginning, you find out later that they're really a lot bigger. You just ignored them.

 

I guess that's why I'm saying don't put this girl on a pedestal. She could be a perfectly nice person but just not the right fit for you. Or, maybe she is. But take your time getting to know her before jumping into a commitment that will be difficult extracting yourself from. Also, not jumping into it will allow her to evaluate if you are the right fit for her and to end things if she wants, without you being too emotionally invested.

[He2Him]

I just feel like I can't really make a move in front of a bunch of people like that.

 

 

This is nothing uncommon. You just care too much for what others think. So here's your chance to understand why it is the like this, and how you can change it and start making moves infront of anyone.

 

link removed

 

I did the first step for you, got you the link. Whether you will read it, try to understand it, and apply it in your life are steps which only you much take.

 

Edit: And also I'm little puzzled, well, I think you're little puzzle about yourself, not me about you. You say you are confident, yet you get shy around her. That's to two completely opposite ''qualities'' if we can call them. Being confident in one area of life if of no use if you are getting shy in another one.

[Sirquacksalot]

Man, not to derail this, but Alli, you put it perfectly. They're just people, and it's tough to remember when we're infatuated that they've made mistakes before, and they'll make mistakes again, and so will we. I think that's my new mantra when I'm overthinking girl-problems. "She's just a person too.". Love it.

 

On the OP's side, don't worry about it man. You added her, Right or wrong, you can't change it. Only worry about the stuff you can do something about! Life's too complicated even with that philosophy, let alone worrying about stuff you've already done! My advice now would be to just take it in stride, and most importantly to talk to her in person (maybe on break). Remember, just talking to her isn't 'Making a move', it's just starting up a chat.

[oldenoughtoknow]

I think you have the green light here, Pretty Eyes. If you don't care about sneaking around company policy and can't find a way to ask her at work, here's an idea. She's left you notes twice while you were at lunch. Leave her a note while she's at lunch, asking her out and sign it Pretty Eyes.

 

Oh, and don't worry about the FB thing. Means nothing.