were having dinner next week?

[oneroad]

Me and my ex broke up 5 weeks ago.....we ended on really good terms and at the time i felt it was the right decision. We finished because he was going through a really strange time in his life and wasnt sure what he wanted, he could not pin point what the matter was and although his feelings for me hadnt changed he couldnt stay in he relationship.

 

We also work together so i see him in and around work. We have been keeping LC with each other over the weeks and in the last 2 weeks we have been messaging a lot more and hes been flirting with me (i actually havent been flirting with him back as im a bit weary!).

 

So anyway we are meeting up next week for dinner. Although he hasnt said he wants to get back together im taking the flirting and the constant texting as a positive thing but i do realise i need to be careful as it could mean nothing.

 

I need advice about how to act at the dinner? Do i say nothing about our relationship or do i broach the subject? As well, i think i could only give us a second chance if he promised to always tell me if he has worries about relationship as i know he bottled a lot of stuff up

[irishgerry]

My advice would not bring up the relationship, go out, be confident, say you have done x, y and z and wait until he brings the subject up. also you both need to take it slow, restarting a relationship should always be in baby steps and keep the communication going so any issues in the past dont come up again. best of luck, i hope it works out for you.

[sunnz]

I've also been having LC for a few weeks after coming out of NC of nearly 3 months [we had a massive argument where he said not to contact again blah blah that he would I'm too emotionally unstable to meet lol ] broke up in January...and we have just agreed to catch up over a drink...so yeh I think treat this as getting to know them again...basically be how you would be when meeting someone new...no expectations...happy friendly and let things go naturally...no mention of relationship...let him be the one to bring that up...

 

The best advice I can give you and anyone reading this when getting in touch with the ex is not to REACT to anything he may do negatively...[always be happy positive in your replies and don't let them see you sweat the small stuff even if secretly you are...because some people such as myself can *sense* things between the lines] for example takes longer to reply back...or does not reply to a question/s....they will eventually if they care...mine took a week to reply back to something and I did not react...not like I did 3 months ago...total opposite...and his demeanour is 100% changed to happy friendly replying etc...before he was cocky sarcastic mean to some degree...probably annoyed rather...but he did a 180 degree turn around...

 

If I look back to how I got my ex in the first place I didn't jump all over him...I just treated him like any other guy or person...not someone who is the king...they really like that confident in a woman where they don't know what you are thinking...where they cannot read you...that's when they get hooked...If they know your every move...it goes down from there...and also I never reply back straight away I reply when I feel like it and sometimes mirror ...if it takes him 2 days to reply I'll take 2 days or 3 even...it's been working for me..it's not to try to play a game it's showing through your actions you have a LIFE away from him and he is another guy you interact with...plus it gives them space and you yourself to think things through etc...it leaves a happy medium where there isn't pressure for them to reply instantly because you reply quick...no reply when you are good and ready,..it helps your mind to stay disconnected...the worse thing you can do is depend and get attached quickly again...

 

That's my advice as I did everything wrong and twice over LOL after the break up...I didn't learn the second time because I didn't completely disengage emotionally so I could step out of myself and view things from the outside in... I changed to opposite and it's falling in to place to my liking...it also helps when you are emotionally distance ...you can do that by rewiring your mind to think that you didn't have to make so much effort when you first got him so why now...as I say they only become special when they themselves have proven through actions that they view you as special too...

 

Another thing I want to addd...exes WILL be watching and observing your every move how you act/react to things...believe me they will do tests for themselves to see if you lose it or not...that's when you have to really show through actions that you are consistent in being positive that it's not just an act...I say this because my ex told me twice I was too unstable ...I flipped the script on myself and became that confident happy positive person...and I now have a positive reaction from him...a catch up...so don't always think if you do your worse you won't get him to change to meet up...it can happen...

 

Good Luck and keep your cool...