cm1506 Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Basically, me and my boyfriend have been going out for well over a year now...we are both about 17 btw (this might make a difference to your opinions and advice etc) Well the thing is Ive known him all my life and Ive honestly always liked him, and you might believe it's too young but I feel so in love with him. In my opinion life is too short and I know he feels as strongly about me as I do for him but he will not commit through sex. I do not want to push him at all, but it really is getting to me, I know it sounds stupid but I just feel we are so close in every other way apart from sexually. Also I had an incident a while back with another guy (before him) and did a lot of sexual activity (but not sex) which I regret so much, I let myself get used and pushed into things I didnt want to do and I was very young, I guess I want it so much with my boyfriend because I know I love him and I want to feel experience stuff through love. Does anyone have any advice on what to do? Everytime I talk to him about it he accuses me of pushing him, I dont know how to approach the situation. It sounds silly and petty but I just feel life is so short, I know I love him and I just want to become closer to him in this final way and experience sexual stuff without being used. I try to listen to his feelings but he doesnt really explain why, he just tells me to stop pressurizing. Im slightly scared theres something wrong with me, and its getting my self esteem down as he rejects me sexually quite a lot, like he strips me for example then dresses me again. I am scared to mention it because I know what it feels like to be pushed into something and regret it and I really dont want the same for him. I know this all sounds selfish but I really do want whats best for him but I just dont know how to deal with this situation as its starting to bother me more and more. If anyone has any advice or potential reasons why he might be feeling like this please help. Sorry it sounds so petty and the post is long Thank you in advance x
FathomFear Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 If he's not ready, he's not ready. You really have two choices. 1) Let him know your preference and hope he comes around sooner rather than later, or 2) pursue a relationship with someone else who is.
cm1506 Posted June 23, 2011 Author Posted June 23, 2011 If he's not ready, he's not ready. You really have two choices. 1) Let him know your preference and hope he comes around sooner rather than later, or 2) pursue a relationship with someone else who is.But if he really loved me wouldnt he be ready? Im scared about that, I dont understand why he wouldnt be ready if he loves me as much as he says he does, but i never want to say that to him cause i dont want to push him x
Crazyaboutdogs Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 But if he really loved me wouldnt he be ready? Im scared about that, I dont understand why he wouldnt be ready if he loves me as much as he says he does, but i never want to say that to him cause i dont want to push him x That's the line men often use when they want to pressure a woman to have sex, especially in the teenage years. Be grateful he is not pushing for sex because there are lots of girls your age who are having sex, getting pregnant and having the guy disappear on them. Maybe this guy realizes that love is not just all about sexual pleasure...because with that comes the responsibility if there is an unwanted pregnancy. At 17 lots of teenagers think they are in love..and then they go off to college and to separate lives and find a new love interest. I think he is wise not to want to have sex right now.
mouseno4 Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Hate to say it but sex for the first time is meant to be very important. Not just for the girls either. I would think that he only wants to have sex with you when it will really mean something as it is the most intimate act a man and a women can have. Other than that you can try dirty talk like "I want you inside me" and such so as to indicate your intentions in a sexual way, whilst caressing him in obvious areas. In the end you can't force him, just as he can't force you to desire sex. If your sex drive is telling you to have it 5 mins ago, get yourself off until he responds to your sexual advances and finally let's your 'in'. The only way to know for sure when someone is ready is to initate a sexual encounter until you are rejected then keep trying at later times until he eventually agrees on his own.
Ariel85 Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 I love the gender reversal here. OP - there are two reasons I didn't have sex when I was your age: 1 - I saw all my friends get messed up and screwed over by guys after having sex in high school 2 - I wasn't sure I could emotionally handle what it would be like. It was such an unknown, but I knew I wasn't mature enough to deal with it. I think the reason you keep pushing is because you feel in control with him because he IS so disinterested, unlike you feeling used and submissive with the other guys. Forcing your BF into having sex with you is not going to counter-balance how the other boys made you feel. Let your first time be consensual and enjoyable. Not something you hen peck or emasculate someone into to try and erase your own feelings of being put upon. You're basically trying to do to him what the other boys did to you. Think about that.
mouseno4 Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Here is a bit of perspective for you. I am male. I am 30 years old. I didn't feel like I was ready until I was 19. After that point I nailed the girls as many times as they wanted it.
ChloeeVictoria Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Are you both virgins? Because if he is and you are not, he might feel like he might not do it right and be awkward about it if you get what im sayingg?
FathomFear Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 But if he really loved me wouldnt he be ready? It's not about love. It's about being ready and about his personal convinctions. Some people don't have sex until marriage, for example.
faithful14 Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 I think if you stop pressuring him, he will come around. Nobody wants to be forced to have sex.
McCool Posted August 26, 2011 Posted August 26, 2011 But if he really loved me wouldnt he be ready? Im scared about that, I dont understand why he wouldnt be ready if he loves me as much as he says he does, but i never want to say that to him cause i dont want to push him x That's the line men often use when they want to pressure a woman to have sex, especially in the teenage years. Be grateful he is not pushing for sex because there are lots of girls your age who are having sex... Maybe this guy realizes that love is not just all about sexual pleasure.... Excellent point. As to the OP: When your BF is ready he will come to you. In a relationship a few years back, I wanted sex SOOO bad but didn't want to pressure my GF at the time. She wanted the exact same thing but didn't want to pressure me either. The intimacy level was high and the relationship was great. Enjoy it.
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