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This is it, I'm doing it

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I suffer severely from depression and am addicted to cutting. I've been in a mental ward twice and the hospital four times for trying to kill myself. I can't live anymore... I just can't. I am 14 years old and have fallen in love with two girls, suffered, recovered and now I've fallen again. This time for a 20 yr old. We both like eachother and if it weren't for our age gap we'd be together. My parents found out how much I like him and have made me cut off all contact with him, his family and friends. His little sister is devastated, she loves me like a sister. I've ruined my relashionship with them completely. I have to be supervised by my parents in everything I do. The only way I'm wrighting this is by hiding in the bathroom with my iPod. This is all my fault. It's my fault my parents found out how much I like him because I'm not good at hiding it.

I've not only hurt his life but crashed my own train and I can't take it. I'm killing myself. I'm not strong enough to survive this. I need him, my best friend and the only person I've ever connected with in my sad life. It's over, I'm done.


Tears of Ice, I love you, you were a great friend. BiCurious2011, thank you for your support, I'm sure we'd have been great friends. Onewithbooks, you were very nice. I'll miss you all, but I can't stand the thought of living.

M, I love you. I hope you never read this post.


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hang in there. please dont anything for now. There is no urgency to die. Love seems like a lot right now, but you are very young. Love is not love unless it stands the test of time. focus on getting your life together. I was depressed clinically and used to think about suicide. I've even written on the suicide forum about it, but once my depression was brought under control by medicines, I started enjoying so many beautiful aspects of life. You will too. Honey, you are too young. Don't do anything stupid. Your parents love you. We love you. Please hang in there.

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Oh, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way... and at 14. I've been there. It started for me when I was a few years younger than you, the suicidal thoughts, the attempts, the deep depression. 14 is a crappy, crappy age. Parents constantly breathing down your neck, trying to dictate your every move, not being able to be the unique individual that you are. I remember it all too well. I, too, have been in mental institutions and hospitalized for suicide attempts. While I can't say I know exactly what you're going through, I think I have a pretty good idea. Suicide isn't the answer. It might seem like the easy way out and to be honest, sometimes I STILL daydream about it when I'm going through a rough patch. Get through high school, there's a whole world out there you have yet to experience. Try to get the guy out of your mind because as hard as it is to hear, he's just that--just a boy. There will be PLENTY (your age, too!) to come. Life throws you a lot of unexpected curveballs and we need to learn how to deal with them. I never thought i'd make it past 22. Here I am at 24, still living and breathing and going on about my life. I cut ties with a lot of negative influences and moved straight accross the country to start over. That's the good part about life: you can start over as much as you want until you find yourself.


Don't give up just yet. I'm sure you have so much going for you, a bright future ahead. I know what you're feeling right now is telling you the exact opposite, that there is no point, that people would be better off if you weren't on this earth. Well, that's not true. Your parents are only being over-protective because they love you so much. They would be destroyed if their little girl (you'll always be their little girl, whether you're 6, 14, or 50) left them. So would your friends and everyone who knows you. You have too much to offer. I can tell you're intelligent--you're going to go on to do great things... you just need to fight like hell through high school to get there.

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Trust me, taking away your life is not the answer. I've been diagnosed with depression and have am being treated for it. I too suffered from a broken heart and know what it feels like to need someone so much that you literally feel that your heart is being ripped out of your chest.


Now that I've been on medication for quite a while I feel so much better. I don't feel worhtless, stupid or useless anymore. I no longer have a broken hear and am enjoying my life for the first time in a long time.


Please talk about it with someone, don't refuse help or medication, talk to people on this forum and learn from their experiences because believe me you will find that many people have alot of things in common. Some went through them and came out fine and other are still going through them.


Please feel free to PM me at any time and HANG ON !

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  • 2 weeks later...

it is not your fault at all. i'm not going to sit here and tell you that everything will be ok and to just hang on, because you probably hear it all the time, and it is much easier said than done (even though the people who say it are just trying to help). one option you do have is to explain to your parents that their decision to restrict your time with him is making you miserable and that you have considered taking your life because of it (if you haven't told them already). i feel like they might listen if you tell them how upset it has made you.

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