Where do i go from here? contact or no contact

[Mandolyn]

So i already posted my story on here but heres what i need to figure out.

Me and my boyfriend broke up exactly a week ago, we have spent 5 out 6 days together since last june except for about a month that i went out of state. Our breakup was semi mutual, he initiated it but i knew it was coming and knew it had to happen. He told me it didnt mean he didnt want to talk to me anymore. When i went to see him to end things we both cried, held hands, kissed, hugged the whole emotional thing, he kept tearing up saying this isnt goodbye and i dont wanna say goodbye ill just ttyl. He mentioned something like down the line maybe..

He said we needed to grow up and focus on ourselves right now. Basically cause we feed off eachothers laziness and never would get out and get jobs etc. and we fell into the routine of that. I told him i was very sad and he said me too. We told eachother we would miss eachother and we both said i love you and all that. I gave him back a teddy bear he gave me and he seemed kind of taken aback and said your not gonna keep it? We then had a long kiss and hug and he was crying and we both departed with tears coming down =(

 

Well the next day i went to get my things, i told him i didnt want to talk again and not to contact me that i would contact him when im ready. I then asked if when we got our lives together could we try and he said "im not making any promises, but im not opposed to the idea, even my parents are thinking about getting back together". He then hugged me twice and i left.

 

2 days ago i called him cause i wanted to get some of our fish back, he sounded irritated the whole time so i just told him ill ttyl. I then texted telling him..i thought you said when we broke up you still wanted to talk sometimes and it wasnt goodbye. Is that still not what you want?

He replied..Yeah, thats fine, i was just suprised cause you said you didnt wanna talk, we can still talk.

 

Okay, Sooo should i go nc after this and wait till he contacts me, then respond or ignore? Or should i call next week and see if he wants to catch up? Im not too sure about what ive read on here about nc, i want him to miss me but i also dont wanna give him enough time to move on.

After a year of basically living together i just cant see how i can not talk to him? and i guess that may be how he was feeling when he told me he wanted to still talk. He never said i still want to be friends or anything like that which i think is good cause i dont want to be friends, he just said talk.

 

any advice?

[Mandolyn]

blehhhhhhhh

[betrayed911]

I think juste leave him be for some time,I think he will contact you first,but give him time to undertstand what he is missind,shen you're gone.So DONT text,email,contact him anymore in any way,just disappear and wait,you've pushed him away by contacting him and you felt it,so best for you to do is NC,I know how hard it is but thats the way,try 1 week absolutely NC and post here again before you make a move...

[Mandolyn]

yeah that sounds good ill definitely do that! it sucks waiting but i know its for the best

[twistedfate]

I'm in a similar situation. When my ex dumped me about a month ago, I told him it was going to take some time for me to be able to talk to him and JUST be friends. I had too many feelings for him. The breakup didn't end on a bad note, he just isn't sure he's ever going to want to get married again and he knows I want to one day. We were best friends but i knew I couldn't just turn my feelings off.

 

We went the first two weeks NC... I broke it because I went to his house to get the rest of my things back because I out two and two together that he very well could be seeing this girl he met at work that I never trusted. Long story short it's a shady situation, I told him to tell me the truth, and he denies they're together... even though coincidentally she left her husband 2 weeks after HE dumped me. Anyway, when I was there he said he never reached out to contact me because he respected that I said I wanted some space to get over the breakup. COuld be what's going on in your case.

 

When I was there i said to him, you can contact me... but don't lead me on. I don't want friends with benefits and I still am hurt over this. I don't know if I'm ready to be friends and I don't know if I believe you're NOT dating this girl. I never thought I'd hear from him again, at least not in the near future. Two days later he emailed me... I was torn because I didn't know if LC or NC was the right thing to do.

 

I came here and asked for advice and never got any help, really. All the stuff I've read, most people advise NC. For me, I don't think NC is good for him and I. I always listen to my heart and in my heart, I felt I could handle sending a reply. So I did, but sat on the email for 2 days (especially because some of what he said was confusing and frustrating). HOWEVER... I kept it very LC. I made it short, to the point and NON emotional. I didn't tell him anything about I was doing-- left it a mystery. He doesn't deserve to know what I'm up to anyway... he broke it off with me.

 

He ended up emailing me back Tuesday, since he was out of town this past weekend... and was friendly. Asked what I've been up to and was just conversational. I wrote him back another email... but again, very short... no emotion and didn't tell him anything I've been up to. I just gave him a suggestion on something he mentioned in his email (buying a car).

 

All in all... I say follow your heart. Most people here are going to say... always go NC. If you can handle LC, I say go for it. Sometimes it sucks because I sit around wondering "hm... is he going to call? will he reply again? When he says he's wanting to come see my friend's band play... does he mean it?" BUt then I think about it and say... "Stop." take it for what it's worth. Don't read into ANYTHING. The way I see it, unless he explicitly says, "I wanna work things out... get back together, etc" I'm not making assumptions. I personally just don't feel right ignoring him, considering how close we are/were. I ALWAYS LET HIM INITIATE. Although I first broke NC... I let him make all the moves now. If he wants to work it out, he has to make the effort. He's the one with commitment issues afterall.

 

Just my thoughts and what I'M doing regarding a similar situation. Doesn't mean it's the right answer though!

[Mandolyn]

thanks, that was awesome advice.

 

But, for anyone who cares reading this, i broke nc. BAD. Yesterday i tried to call, like 3 times, then sent a text saying i missed him then later told him i didnt do anything to him and he was bull * * * * ting about wanting to keep talking, only because my old flame who i spent the night with friday for comfort, called him on a blocked number, basically called him a douche on voicemail, and i was laughing in the background cause i was drunk.

Then today, which was horrible because im a drunk piece of * * * * , called him a twice, he redbuttoned me, then turned his phone off. I then sent a text saying i still love and care about him. THEN i sent him a 2 page text basically telling him i hadnt slept or kissed another guy since our breakup and that i was deleting his number and he could contact me whenever and i apologized for annoying him.

 

All this, only to find out that last night, my older sister who works at a bar on the major road here for bars walked past him, he stopped her and asked how i was, and told her to tell me she saw him and that he said hey, and she said she told him he should keep in contact with him and he agreed but also said he didnt want to get sucked back into the situation.

So basically, FML.

 

Is there any good sign with that? or am hoping too much?

[twistedfate]

Well, if he asked your sister how you were doing, he may have just been trying to be nice. I wouldn't read anything into it unless he specifically reaches out and tries to contact you. Make sure you delete the number from your phone (you can write in down in a safe place, if you're really not ready to get rid of it) but I think that deleting the number is best so a drunk dial doesn't happen again.

 

It seems like a lot of dumpees have NC slipups. (I mean, technically, as I said in my situation, I did...) so you're not the first person to do so. You just have to figure out what is best for you. I don't think contacting him to tell him you're sorry and you miss him is the best thing. He can't miss you if you're always getting in touch, and you can't work on healing if you're always sending messages. If you really want to go NC... do so! It's not too late! If you think you can keep your emotions in check, go LC. But it kinda sounds to me like you're still emotional to a point where NC would be better.

 

Hope that helps.