I'm blowing it!

[pierre]

A couple weeks ago I asked a girl I've been friends with for years, if she'd like to go out as more than friends sometime. We had dinner and saw a movie. We went running together a few days later. Then we were set to go do something again last sunday. As I was going to pick her up, she said she was getting pizza and wanted to know if i'd like to come in and have some. That turned into basically dinner with her entire family. We stayed there for quite awhile and ended up just going to my house and not doing much at all. Yesterday, we again went running. I ended up going to the store with her and came back and kept her company while she baked cookies. Then we ran and grabbed some food and brought it back to her house and ate. I ended up being there until about 11 PM.

 

Then it came time to leave and again, I chicken out completely. Of course I wanted to kiss her and it seems like she was just standing there waiting for it to happen. Instead I kept telling myself, no it doesnt feel right, right now. I'll just give her a hug and wait for a better time. Then I chicken out on even giving her a hug. I keep trying to get up the courage and just end up standing there by the front door turning a 30 second conversation into a 20 minute one.

 

I don't know what my deal is. I'm not sure if it's just the fact that it's hard for me to make the transition from friends to more than friends or if it's simply the fact that I have never really been the initiator of things in any of my relationships. Pretty much all relationships I've had, the girl has came after me, except for one. In the one exception it took me about a month to even hold her hand. At the same time, once I held her hand I felt comfortable and kissed her, and we even ended up having sex.

 

I think it's just shyness at first. I think I've held back so long since I've known her for so long, that I don't know how to cross the boundary I had set for myself long ago. I am really really starting to like her more and more, every time we hang out. I don't want her to have the impression that I just want to stay friends, but acting like this seems like I might be expressing that.

 

Should I just write her something and explain to her that I'm nervous about things because of our friendship etc. but that I would like to move forward with things. Just so she knows that I am interested? It feels like a cop out, but I feel like being cautious with this is the way to go since we've always been friends. It just feels like I'm blowing it.

[alli]

No, I don't think you should write her an explanation about your inner struggles with kissing her. There are other ways you can show her your interested. You don't go from casual to making out you know. Touch her hand a couple seconds longer than normal. When you leave, give her a hug a bit longer than normal too. Kiss her on the cheek before letting go of the hug, a little nearer her mouth than a normal kiss on the cheek.

 

You're building this up to be a big deal and it's not. Do those little things which include a little more physical contact than "just friends" would have to help break the ice.

 

Oh also, I think it sounds like you guys are a great match! You already knew each other & still like one another, you're doing fun things together & have even been included in family events. You aren't blowing it... yet!

[pierre]

It's not just a struggle with kissing her, it's just my actions towards her in general. There had to be at least 4-5 times yesterday that she told me it was ok to come sit by her or to walk next to her when we were in the store etc. It's just stupid. These are all walls I put up as we were just friends, like not getting in close to her. It seems like the only time those boundaries are overstepped is when we're drinking and she is the one that gets closer or touchy.

 

Maybe the solution is just going out one night and having a few drinks to make it easier for me. Once it happens, I'll have no problem after that. It's just the initial fear I suppose.