Ex broke no contact and i messed up. But is she just messing with me???

[highcontrast]

Hi Guys this is my first post, and i could really do with some advice! Apologies in advance for the length of the post!

 

Basically I met a girl online exactly this time last year (girl A), but I was talking to an ex at the same time trying to reconcile(very stupid i know). but continued see girl A, as i did quite like her (although i had a few small doubts about her). But for the first few months my judgement was totally messed up by the situation with the ex and therefore didn’t really appreciate girl A at all.

 

I also continued to talk to other girls from the dating site, i guess my doubts about this girl and the hurt of the ex situation just made me want to keep looking for something better...which in hindsight is the most stupid thing ive ever done in my life.

 

But basically I know I really hurt her, she was really keen and wanted a serious relationship, where as i wasn’t sure, wanted an open (ish) relationship, wasn’t committed etc. But she put up with me for 6 months, because that’s how much she cared for me and wanted to be with me. Anyway we agreed to be just friends beginning of this year. She was meeting other guys, which did kinda hurt when she told me, but it was only fair obviously, and i was meeting other girls etc

 

But the less i saw her, the more i got to realise how special she was, and how much i was missing her. But then she then told me in April she was getting to know someone seriously and this really did hurt me and wake me up. And additionally she said she only saw me as a friend now.

 

I then did a lot of the classic mistakes of begging her back, driving down unannounced to see her to speak to her, telling her how much i missed her, that i loved her etc etc.

 

Anyway in May i got a text saying that she was really happy with this new guy and that she had moved on we should stop speaking (for my sake). I agreed to not speak to her anymore. I can honestly have never been so devastated in my life. And it was the hardest time of my life for the next few weeks.

 

(btw she made a point in text to say how much this guy cared for her and loved her in her text?).

 

Anyway i didn’t think I’d hear from her for a while, if ever, but just 3 weeks of no contact, she said hi to me on MSN! I didnt reply that night because i missed seeing the message and i wasnt sure if i should reply or not anyway!

 

I sent a slightly cold txt response the following day saying:

“Sorry i missed your msg. Hope your OK”

 

She replied with:

“Hi no worries, though id just say say hi and see how you were

 

I replied following day:

“hey im good thanks. How are you, u ok?”

 

She replied instantly:

“Morning, yeah im good thanks”

 

I replied 12 hours later:

“hows work going at the moment?”

 

This lead to an nice exchange of about four texts, where she asked me some questions about my life. But then i kinda cut off the conversation abruptly and said good night, guess, i wanted to play it kool with her. But she still replied with a really nice “good night” text

 

I got some real bad advice (off a female incidentally) who said i should apologise for ending text conversation abrubtly. So the following night (incidentally the Saturday night just gone) i text:

“sorry about last night, i was falling asleep. How are you, did you get all your work done?”

 

She replied “Im out tonight, have the whole weekend free as i did all my work yesterday!”

 

I replied:

“So you got anything exciting planned with all this free time?” I’ve got my niece and nephew round this weekend and going car shopping tomorrow”

 

......And then no reply to this text! its now Thursday.

 

And i know i played it too keen and interested (damn that bad advice!)

 

I should point out that I know she used the dating site for the first time in a while at the same time this was all going on. But for all i know she is still talking to this guy or another guy and was out on a date that same night as the last text.

 

My question is why did she break NC if it was her idea in the first place? Is she doing this for:

• Ego boost...i .e. see if im still interested and im still there as a back-up?
  
• Its not working out with the new guy and she wants to keep her options open?
  
• Is she interested in perhaps getting back together?
  
• Mess with me cus i hurt her?
  

 

 

Please help me out about what to do now, i feel really hurt again. I guess i stupidly got my hopes up.

[winniethepooh]

Yeah, maybe that text conversation could have gone better. Maybe worse. Maybe her saying she was free for the weekend was an opportunity for you to invite her out properly (you didn't in your reply) ... and maybe she was hoping you would so she could turn you down for an ego trip ... and maybe maybe maybe.

 

The answer to all your question is maybe. But you don't know, and neither do we. So you need useful information and then you need to move on. Either with her if she's willing, or on your own if she's not. I answered more in your other topic ...

 

www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=400418&page=2&p=5070780#post5070780