missinsumthin Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 I met my husband, and got pregnant early in 2006. A year later we are both very happy, and we get engaged, about a year later, We discover that im sick and need to see a DR, so we marry for the insurance in 2008. I thought everything was perfect and even though we were having troubles, i thought we would be able to work through them. My husband is a great provider, and would do anything for me or for his kids. (he has a child from a previous relationship, and one from me) He can be very sweet at times, hes usually understanding, but there is a lot of things about him that I dont like anymore. He plays video games all the time, and we dont get to spend much time together. Also he has a bit of a problem with prescription drugs. He is always calling the kids stupid or idiots, or trying to explain to a 4 yr old how to "take" a woman cause he thinks its funny. I ever used to see a problem but its becoming more and more mentally abusive. He doesn't listen to my concerns about this, and just does what he wants anyway. So anyway I havent been Happy in this relationship since before the marriage. Something is missing and i cant figure out what it is. I didnt think it was that bad because we still have good days. I thought that things would get better but they are not. I try to talk to him about my issues and concerns and things get better for a week or two and right back to the same problems. i do love him but I am not IN LOVE with him anymore, i dont really find him attractive, and have been thinking of leaving. Also recently I have been thinking about cheating, Now this isnt me!! I have always been an honest and faithful person, but lately I have been putting myself into situations that are full of temptation. I know that cheating is wrong, and i used to think that i could never do that but im not so sure anymore. How do you know when enough is enough? When do i talk to my husband about this, and how for that matter? What will happen to my stepchild? We are very close and i am afraid that i will not be able to see her once we are divorced. I am young confused & scared. any advice would be greatly appreciated. thanks
21YD Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 stay calm, you married for insurance and tht was a mistake.. basically using him from my understanding? maybe hes not happy with you or the relationship and thats why he plays video games all the time? every relationship has there rough patches and hard times. hang in there. much love
Seraphim Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 He is perverse and sick if he thinks it is funny to explain sexual events to a 4 year old and this is severe abuse. If that is what you mean by that, that is sick.
Rosesong18 Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 You said you got pregnant in 06' then got engaged. So part of this looks like you got engaged because you had a kid. That seems like the first strike. Then, like you said, you married for insurance. It seems like a business arrangement. You didn't marry for love, you married for the benefits, which is why things aren't working out. Just because you have kids doesn't mean things are meant to be romantic, just because it seems more convenient doesn't mean that it will be good in the long run. When this are done as a business type of arrangement (insurance benefits, child, rent etc.) you are signing up for a business relationship, not love. You said you thought things would get better, that's another thing. You can't go into something hoping it will get better or that you can change it. Drugs. Get out. When drugs are there, you put yourself, your children and the rest of your family in danger. Perscription or not, if he's abusing it leave. I've seen too many friends and families have a drug addict that is abusive (like you said your husband is), they steal, they turn you against your family. This really just seems bad. I wish you the best of luck, but only you can make the choice to leave, but if I were you, I would. He isn't likely to change, especially if you're too afraid to address it.
Messiah Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 That's pretty common in this day and age for a man to play video games all day... I wouldn't assume he doesn't like you because of it, it's just what he does, it's what he likes. So many people get so disconnected with each other by being constantly wired by technology/entertainment.. And in your eyes, that's probably a sad and pathetic way to live, but in his it's perfectly normal. I'm guessing you two just aren't a good fit. You want something more. I'd say get out, get a job, find a means to support yourself, and then you can give into temptations and be with whoever it is you want to be with, without the guilt you'd endure if you were to cheat. If you leave on decent terms, I'm guessing he'd let you see the stepdaughter. Maybe not at first, you'd need some separation and time to heal, but in the long run he'd probably understand how it'd be nice for you to spend time with the stepdaughter, if not for her sake, for your mutual kids sake, to have a sibling there with him. Your other viable option is to try to make things work. Be grateful for everything he does for you and everything he provides you with. You're living in his lap of comfort, some women would kill to have that. Don't take it for granted, because if you do, you're a dependent "user", which you should definitely strive not to be. If you're jobless, think about being his wife is your job. It sucks at times, but hey, that's a job for you. As for the way he talks to the kids, shoot, every parent makes mistakes and says things they shouldn't, he probably just thinks it's funny, which is immature, but that's when you can step in and lecture him, explain why it's NOT ok. Hopefully just by talking about it he'll ease up on the immature parenting? Thinking about cheating? STOP, if you are feeling weak to temptation, avoid the temptations. Try to spice things up with the hubby if at all possible.
abitbroken Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Did he play video games like that before you married? and its just getting to you now? By the way, I wouldn't take his treatment of the children, I would tell him that he is not allowed to talk to them in that way.
GrowingIn Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Hey.....now there's a woman I agree with. That's right. If your man is taking care of everything, you are a housewife. That is your job, including being the primary caretaker of children and you need to have a serious talk with him as far as what is appropriate to say to the children. Also you will NEVER get him to change if you talk to him and let him see that you think it's a sad and pathetic way to live. It may be how you see thigns, but be smart about how you bring that accross if you truly want to see a change. You lost respect for your husband and your husband may have very well lost respect for himself. This is the time when he probably needs you most to show him you still respect him but you need him to make some changes. Also, I don't particularly agree that you got married for the wrong reasons. I think there are far too many people that do not understand what marriage has always been about, which is why it is not working today. It is not primarily about love. It is about security, respect and commitment. Things like finances, insurance, kids. Yes it usually turns out to be just a business arrangement if you are not also compatible and working on creating and maintaining love and respect. Key word: working! Love is something that you make, create and endure. Not something that you marry for. It is perfectly normal not to be IN LOVE. It's called marriage. And if you expect that feeling to last a life time, and that's the reason you are leaving don't ever get married again. I say TALK to your husband and change your communication style. Stop going outside your marriage for advice, that includes family, and instead ask him on how to fix this problem together. You are a team. You don't have a problem, "we have a problem". Get it?
agent1607307371 Posted June 23, 2011 Posted June 23, 2011 Also he has a bit of a problem with prescription drugs. He is always calling the kids stupid or idiots, or trying to explain to a 4 yr old how to "take" a woman cause he thinks its funny. You need to take your child out of this situation before he does mental damage to them that in undoable.
gingerlemon Posted June 24, 2011 Posted June 24, 2011 The other things you mentioned become quite insignificant against this: He is always calling the kids stupid or idiots, or trying to explain to a 4 yr old how to "take" a woman cause he thinks its funny. I ever used to see a problem but its becoming more and more mentally abusive. He doesn't listen to my concerns about this, and just does what he wants anyway. As others have said, you need to take your child away from this situation. I think that's your first priority, and in a sense it solves your other question about your own doubts about the relationship.
nsomnia912 Posted June 25, 2011 Posted June 25, 2011 I'm sorry, but the bottom line is your not happy with him...your not in love with him, you don't find him attractive, thinking of an affair....your emotionally disconnected and as you said before you even got married you weren't happy.... Your missing something that isn't there? It's called love....you know you don't belong in it..trays the issue.. Don't stay together for the comfort..or for the kids..it for the convenience.... You have one life...to be happy...to be in something you deserve, if you stay with him you may end up in 10 years in resentment for him and for yourself cause you wasted all that time when you could be out there with your true companion.... Now im not a fan of divorce at all...however it seems this union was wrong from the get go...you need to make a decision....if you believe this is just a down time for the relationship, then talk get counseling....discuss NA for the pills and talk about the comments to the kids...... If you know this is not for you then leave, don't waste yours or his time....its damaging.
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.