Should I ask her on a "legit" date?

[KJ2008]

heres a little background, its a little long and I thank you for your time!

 

We met up around 2.5 weeks ago for a drink and really hit it off. She's beautiful, we're clicking, have a few things in common, and we talked almost all night not stop. It was a great first meeting. She invited me over to her house the next day and we watched a movie and just hung out as she was studying as well. The next morning I texted her that I liked her and her company a lot. Then i didn't hear from her for a few days until I got this text (and what I said)

 

Her - hey, i'm sorry i have been a butthead and haven't responded. i just kinds freaked out because i'm not sure if i am ready to jump into anything with anyone right now.

 

Me - It's ok and I figured I might have freaked you out a bit. I wasnt looking to jump into anything, I just enjoy your company

 

Her - i enjoy your company as well, i just wanted to be on the same wavelength and i was nervous to txt you back. my bad

 

After that, we met up the next day at the club and were dancing and stuff. Overall a good time and night We talked for a few more days and I brought up going to see a movie and having dinner, typical date thing. She agreed, pushed it off a day, then when our rescheduled day came, she sent me a text saying that basically, she couldn't go out with me right now because she's having a hard time being around men after what her ex did to her. She said she wants to spend time with me and get to know me but its just not a good time for her. I told her that I appreciated the honesty and such and such. She then continued with "thanks for being such a great guy. I still would like to continue to chat and go out from time to time and i'll be more open about my feelings so I dont let you down next time". I said something like "You didn't let me down, just take all the time you need, I understand completely. Just know that you deserve someone great".

 

Well we met up this past Saturday (all the above was last Tuesday) at the club and when she walked up to me, she greeted me with a "hey baby" and a big, long, hug. I was smoking so she went inside with her friend and I met up with her in there. I had my arm around her for awhile (5min.) and then removed it rather hostily ( I was gently rubbing her side so I can understand..we were both a little intoxicated, but not wasted). Then we were taking pictures together and just had a good time. We parted ways and continued to text here and there.

 

Last night, I send her a text saying "I hate thunderstorm, I wish I had someone to cuddle with and keep me company", and she then invited me over. I helped her move some stuff in her apartment around and we watched Tosh.O and talked and were laughing and having a good time. As I was leaving, she said she'd talk to me later. About 10 minutes after I left, she sends me a text saying "thanks for keeping me company and helping me move my table! Let's hang out again real soon

 

My thoughts on the whole situation are she is interested, and likes me, and just wants to take it slow and is cautious of being hurt again because of her previous relationship. I'm thinking I'm going to see her Friday or Saturday because she is working a local carnival's beer tent. I'm thinking of maybe asking her to a movie again but am not sure if its to soon to ask something like that or not. I'm looking for a little guidance right now because I'm a little new to the whole dating scene. 7 years of being in Long Term Relationships will do that lol Thanks ENA!

[abitbroken]

I am sorry to say, but you DID ask her on a legit date to dinner and a movie, and she declined with the explanation of that she was not comfortable around men yet and basically doesn't want a relationship. I think she thinks you are a decent guy, but is either not into you at all and this is her way of politely saying it, or she really is not ready nor interested in a relationship. You can do two things. You can hang on and hope that someday she'll change her mind, or you can part ways and either just initiate contact less, accept plans with other women more and have that fond memory or you can actively tell her that you want two different things. You are looking for a girlfriend and she is not looking for a boyfriend, and so surely she will understand if you decide you want to hang out less or not at all with her anymore. I was in the position of being with a man who eventually reluctantly entered a relationship with me and in the end when we parted ways he acted like he wasn't into the idea to begin with.

[KJ2008]

So basically I'm kind of leading myself on..?

[laura40]

I think she likes you, but doesn't want a relationship at the moment.

It's up to you really, whether you want to keep pursuing her, or just stay at the 'friends' stage and look for someone new.

If you do keep with her, then there's always the chance she might not want a relationship ever.

[KJ2008]

I guess IDK if this information matters, but on our first meeting, we were walking downtown and I have this thing where I have to walk on peoples left side (idk why I just do), and she said "Good, because I like to walk on the right of people because I like to hold hands with my left hand". The next day when we were texting, I said something along the lines of "Im not sure if I believe you on that whole handing holding theory of yours. Maybe we'll have to test it out" and she replies "Maybe sometime soon

 

This was before she invited me over the first time after our first meeting and the day BEFORE I told her I liked her and her company. Not sure if it means anything or not.

[laura40]

It really does sound like she likes you. I think she's still upset over her ex though so doesn't want to jump into a relationship with you straight away.

 

Is she a naturally flirty person? Or does she only flirt with you? If she only does it with you then that's a good sign.

 

I would keep things going slowly at the moment.

[KJ2008]

I've never seen her flirt with anyone.