thatguy42 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 She broke up with me nearly 3 months ago. One of the reasons she gave was that she didn't feel that I appreciated her enough. Would there be any point in contacting her, and letting her know that I appreciated the things she did? I haven't been in contact with her since we broke up. She hasn't tried to contact me. Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Eh 3 months....she broke it off and hasn't contacted you....id say let sleeping dogs lay.... You do what you feel is best in the end....but I'm sure there's an 90% your not going to be glad you contacted her. Link to comment
thatguy42 Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 Eh 3 months....she broke it off and hasn't contacted you....id say let sleeping dogs lay.... You do what you feel is best in the end....but I'm sure there's an 90% your not going to be glad you contacted her. Well, I wonder if I were to come accross as pretty different than I came accross when she broke up with me if she'd feel differently. It's been 3 months, and my feelings aren't as intense. I've been dating, but so far no luck there. Link to comment
misguided angel Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 one thing i do believe from personal experience is that when a woman is interested in you she will find a way of letting you know, if she hasn't contacted you not even to say hi she more than likely is not interested. Link to comment
thatguy42 Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 one thing i do believe from personal experience is that when a woman is interested in you she will find a way of letting you know, if she hasn't contacted you not even to say hi she more than likely is not interested. She is sort of shy and likes to avoid potentially negative things, so that could be a bit of a factor in her not contacting me. Of course, her avoidance attitude also is kind of why the relationship fell apart, she was avoiding fixing the problems. Yeah, I know she had some definite issues, but we had something that was good for a while, and I have bad luck with dating. Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Well if the issue was strictly a feeling of neglect on your part, then at some point it will probably take you putting out feelers. Silence just proves her point that you don't appreciate her. Ya know? It's a very delicate balance when there's a feeling of being unappreciated. If you're strong enough to handle out right rejection and/or being ignored, you might have your answer. Though honestly I'd let it go and keep moving forward. Btw, what were the other reasons? Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 Ugh, lag made a double post. Link to comment
thatguy42 Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 Well if the issue was strictly a feeling of neglect on your part, then at some point it will probably take you putting out feelers. Silence just proves her point that you don't appreciate her. Ya know? It's a very delicate balance when there's a feeling of being unappreciated. If you're strong enough to handle out right rejection and/or being ignored, you might have your answer. Though honestly I'd let it go and keep moving forward. Btw, what were the other reasons? Nope, I didn't neglect her. I just didn't explicitly tell her how I appreciated specific things that she did. Anyways, she gradually got less interested in physical intimacy. We were living together, and I was supporting her, so I got frustrated, and we would argue a lot. The reason she'd give for us breaking up was my anger, but I wasn't angry with her until the end of the relationship. It was kind of over before we broke up, she wouldn't even kiss me any more. But we were together for 3 years, so we had some good times, and I suck at dating (I've been dating some, but no luck), so it's kind of hard to completely move on. Link to comment
mhowe Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 From your posts, it appears that the true reason you are contemplating getting in touch with her has nothing to do with her or your past relationship, but your lack of progress in finding someone else to date. For that reason, please spare her and yourself an ill-fated reunion. Link to comment
endy Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 I don't think it's honestly a good idea to contact her or to get back together with her. Is that really what you want in a relationship? A man should support a woman to a certain extent, but is that what you want? Or do you want someone that is more independent and better off making her own money? Working as a team in other words? Why did you get frustrated by it? You would argue a lot and there was anger... Anger causes suffering, anger causes us to react and cause more pain for the other person. If you don't know how to deal with it well learn. Anger - by thich nhat hahn will teach you that among other things. When someone withdrawals like that it can be a bad sign as well. If she was not open with you about why that is a bad sign. That means she is repressing feelings and emotions. Either that or she already made the decision to move on. I would work on your a bit more before any type of contact should take place if at all. When you've healed and you have a clear head, go ahead if that's still what you want. Link to comment
boyblue Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 I would advise against it. My ex was the same never spoke about feelings, hated talking about things or expressed herself until it was too late and it all came out in the wash and it was too late to fix, and of course I got all the blame. I tried contacting her a few times over the months and got shot down in flames. Trust me if your ex is anything like mine - stubborn to the core they would rather die than admit any feelings for you and tbh it spells disaster when dealing with a person like this. Don't waste your time and emotions as I did - don't feel compelled to help them or try and get them out of their shell it will only drive them away. BB Link to comment
thatguy42 Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 From your posts, it appears that the true reason you are contemplating getting in touch with her has nothing to do with her or your past relationship, but your lack of progress in finding someone else to date. For that reason, please spare her and yourself an ill-fated reunion. Well, we had some good memories over our 3 years, it's just that she wasn't really putting the effort in at the end. Link to comment
thatguy42 Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 What I got frustrated by was that we weren't really intimate at the end and she wasn't putting the effort in. The fact that we were living together and I was supporting her made me more upset about that, but that isn't why I was upset. Well, of course I'd call her when I'm clear-headed, and not angry like I was right before she broke up, or sad when I was right after she broke up. Link to comment
thatguy42 Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 I would advise against it. My ex was the same never spoke about feelings, hated talking about things or expressed herself until it was too late and it all came out in the wash and it was too late to fix, and of course I got all the blame. I tried contacting her a few times over the months and got shot down in flames. Trust me if your ex is anything like mine - stubborn to the core they would rather die than admit any feelings for you and tbh it spells disaster when dealing with a person like this. Don't waste your time and emotions as I did - don't feel compelled to help them or try and get them out of their shell it will only drive them away. BB I don't know if she's necessarily the most stubborn person, but she'll sometimes re-write the past to make it seem like someone was criticizing her when they weren't. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 She broke up with you 3 months ago and hasn't contacted you. Nothing good will come of contacting her. 1) she will not respond 2) she will respond and tell you she has met someone 3) she will respond and just be cool and aloof 4) she will say how glad she is to hear from you and that she missed you and wants to get together (um...sorry, this one isn't going to happen). Please don't undo 3 months of healing.... Link to comment
thatguy42 Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 She broke up with you 3 months ago and hasn't contacted you. Nothing good will come of contacting her. 1) she will not respond 2) she will respond and tell you she has met someone 3) she will respond and just be cool and aloof 4) she will say how glad she is to hear from you and that she missed you and wants to get together (um...sorry, this one isn't going to happen). Please don't undo 3 months of healing.... Well, I'm guessing that 3 is the most likely. So are you saying that if there had been any chance that something positive would happen, she would have tried to contact me? I guess it is a pretty bad sign that she hasn't contacted me since she moved out, and when she left then she didn't even say goodbye. Link to comment
Melting Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 I would leave it be and continue to keep moving on. Link to comment
thatguy42 Posted June 27, 2011 Author Share Posted June 27, 2011 So does it ever make sense to contact your ex if you're the dumpee? Link to comment
endy Posted June 27, 2011 Share Posted June 27, 2011 So does it ever make sense to contact your ex if you're the dumpee? Yeah, after you've healed completely it does if that's really what you want. 3 months usually isn't enough time to heal. Not for me anyways. Link to comment
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