Hard to get a guy

[dreamangelz101]

Hey everyone, im new to these boards. I have something on my mind that I've had for a long long time. I think I am not attractive enough to get a guy. You see, i am a short (about 5'1) pakistani female with brown curly hair and tan skin. I feel it is my ethnicity that turns people off to me. I only seem to attract a certain demographic (unnattractive, ill mannered minority men) and i am wondering why. I don't conduct myself in an unclassy way at all. I don't try to be someone I am not. Could it simply be im not attractive enough to get a wide variety of guys? Don't get me wrong, I love all races and ethnicities of men from all different walks of life, but it always seem to be the "hood" type, and thats not me at all. I have a lot of self esteem issues; my friends tell me im pretty and that i shouldnt think this way about myself, but honestly, ive been single for a long time now and im wondering if it is because of my looks. I am a recent college graduate with a good job and i come from a good family, so i dont know what is going on.

[mouseno4]

I have no idea what you look like as human beings are visual creatures. But I am sure you are attractive. Most likely you just have bad luck with the other sex.

[Blue Skittles]

I'm going to give you some advice from experience... when I finshed with college, I settled with so many of the wrong guys, even those that weren't my type. Wait for the right one to come along. It's not about attraction - its about the fact that there are a lot of icky guys out there. Start being who you are and enjoying yourself and trust me, there will be someone for you!

[TakingtheBlame]

I've noticed that it's the ill-mannered, unattractive types who are the most vocal about their attraction to women in inappropriate places. For instance, no well-dressed man with good breeding would catcall me from a street corner (unless he was drunk and it was 2 in the morning)...but someone with less breeding might. So maybe you DO have nice, polite, attractive admirers but they're not being as obvious about their attraction as their neanderthal counterparts. That said, are you having trouble meeting nice, attractive, polite guys at work or through friends and hobbies? When you say that only unattractive "hood" types are approaching you, where are they approaching you and how are they doing so?

[listed]

The one girl I knew in college from Pakistan was attractive. I personally didn't date anyone in college (occasionally during the summer) but after college I was in a long term relationship with a very attractive girl so I think sometimes people just aren't as adept at certain social scenes. The other thing you have to keep in mind is that sometimes women (and some men as well I'm sure) are more attracted to people they can't have. So therefore when a guy acts like he's not attracted to you, that might actually be what's attracting you. This might also be independent of whether or not he actually is attracted to you.

[thatguy42]

I've noticed that it's the ill-mannered, unattractive types who are the most vocal about their attraction to women in inappropriate places. For instance, no well-dressed man with good breeding would catcall me from a street corner (unless he was drunk and it was 2 in the morning)...but someone with less breeding might. So maybe you DO have nice, polite, attractive admirers but they're not being as obvious about their attraction as their neanderthal counterparts. That said, are you having trouble meeting nice, attractive, polite guys at work or through friends and hobbies? When you say that only unattractive "hood" types are approaching you, where are they approaching you and how are they doing so?

 

I, for one, only approach women online. Not into the bar scene.

[Jd1983]

Are you doing anything on your end to show the guys you may be potentially interested?

 

I'm a strong believer that you have to go for what you want sometimes.

 

Secondly there's more to a person than just looks.

[xyzzzz]

in my uni all the pakistan/arabic women dont date.when they date,that will be the guy they will marry. and he has to be another arabic or must be muslim..i think it's a religious thing?.so maybe,when guys see you,they will think "dont bother im not muslim anyway and if i ask her out im gonna meet her family soon and i cant have sex with her till we marry etc etc"

[mouseno4]

Pretty shallow way if thinking about it. But I would not be surprised if it was true.

[Celadon]

It could be that your self-esteem issues lead you to send out vibes that say "don't bother me." Men want to approach women who seem open and approachable. If you're thinking, "No one wants me," then your body posture might be sending out that message too.

 

I doubt being short is an unattractive feature to men, if that's any reassurance.

 

It might help us if you shared about how you meet men and what your interactions with them are like. Then we could advise you more accurately.

[nsjoregon]

Hey dreamangelz101,

 

I have a similar background to yours and a few years back I moved to Oregon from California for work. Since, I've noticed it's been particularly difficult to even get a date of any kind in Oregon. Friends told me that it would happen in time or that I needed to change my attitude or that I need to hang out with different groups. Having been here for some time now, I find that I love my life apart from dating, have good self-confidence, and keep myself busy with activities and friends. Yet on the dating side of things, I don't seem to get any interest from more-normal guys, but mostly people wanting some weird fetish satisfied or making some other lewd requests. I've been told directly by guys that "I don't date darker people" or "You're not my type" too often to be mere coincidence. A month ago I received an email response to a personal ad that read, "While I usually don't date darker guys, as long as you're not an axe murderer, I'm willing to give it a shot." I've come to the conclusion that while people say/act more open-minded to your face, there is a real undercurrent of racial preference in the dating scene. It doesn't matter how good, smart, or funny you are. I've decided that in a year's time, I will make plans to move back to California or to the New England area where minorities live in greater numbers. People did not seem to be so concerned about race. In the mean time, take care of your health, your mental wellness and surround yourself with friends and enjoyment as best you can until things turn around; whatever that may be in your life.

 

Cheers!

[Ms Darcy]

I've noticed that it's the ill-mannered, unattractive types who are the most vocal about their attraction to women in inappropriate places. For instance, no well-dressed man with good breeding would catcall me from a street corner (unless he was drunk and it was 2 in the morning)...but someone with less breeding might. So maybe you DO have nice, polite, attractive admirers but they're not being as obvious about their attraction as their neanderthal counterparts. That said, are you having trouble meeting nice, attractive, polite guys at work or through friends and hobbies? When you say that only unattractive "hood" types are approaching you, where are they approaching you and how are they doing so?

 

I agree with this completely.

[Weeb]

It could be that your self-esteem issues lead you to send out vibes that say "don't bother me." Men want to approach women who seem open and approachable. If you're thinking, "No one wants me," then your body posture might be sending out that message too.

 

I doubt being short is an unattractive feature to men, if that's any reassurance.

 

I agree. If you act like no one would want you...no one is going to be interested. If you are just friendly and smile and forget about trying to find someone, you'll probably get some more attention.

 

And being short definitely isn't unattractive to most men. I'm only 5'2" myself so I know!