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Friend Zone or Budding Romance?


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I recently reconnected with an old acquaintance. This guy used to have a crush on me but when I knew him, I was with someone else and he later moved away. Anyway, fast forward many years later and I meet up with him at a concert in the state where he now lives. He knew I was coming because we also recently became Facebook friends and I told him that I was going. So, he met me there at the concert and we had a blast. Later that night we went out and laughed and danced until the wee hours...he walked me back to my friend's apartment and then for the next week we hung out almost every day, just laughing and having a great time. I could feel that "something" starting to build. Anyway, he told me when I left that he was planning to come back home for a month to see his family for a big reunion and that we'd hang out if he did. As soon as I got back, he started sending me song dedications on FB, most of which were VERY romantic or had innuendo attached in some way. I'd send him dedications in return and I know he liked what I sent him too.


Well, he's here now. The first week I didn't see him at all but he'd message me on FB everyday with just little funny things. He told me that he'd be spending time with his family but would be open to doing other things when he could get away and expressed interest in coming over to my house and watching movies. Then, I had a party at my house with mutual friends of his and mine (we have many together) and he came over, we all had an amazing time, he was happy to see me as I was of him. The chemistry was there and I think some of his friends may be a speculative about our 'thing'. Later, one of his friends told me that he used to be "hot for me". The next day, a mutual friend invited me over for lunch and he was there too...we all spent the afternoon together, which turned into evening. We left the friend's house and he took me to the family house where he's staying and he introduced me to a few of his family members who were still up (all very sweet and nice) then we spent the rest of the night just sitting outside, talking about stuff in a more serious tone. He told me about his ex, breaking up with her a few months ago, and how glad he was that was over. But he didn't try to kiss me or make any move on me. I spent the night there at his house but we just went to sleep. It's been 2 days now since I saw him.


SO, HERE'S MY QUESTION: Is it possible that he's only interested in me as a friend, or is he just taking it slow? Most of the guys I've been out with have all been very aggressive about their interest, within a very short time and although "Steve" has only really known me for...well...2-3 weeks (not counting FB time) maybe he just wants to get to know me better? I keep forgetting there ARE guys out there who want to get to know the person first before hooking up. We've talked for 3 hours at a time on the phone but since he's returned he hasn't been calling...I don't want to read too much into it since he did say that he was here for his family first and foremost. But he almost always messages me on FB. I would say that I think I have put out the vibe that I am interested...he MUST know I am, since I've told him that I find him very charming and fun and that I want to get to know him better. Not to mention, I am definitely falling for him because I get that sick, dizzy feeling when I am around him! Although I try to play it cool, I'm pretty sure he can feel it. Could it be he's NOT sure if I like him? But if he is, why isn't he making a move? Is it too early for me to be freaking out or should I be bold and make a move myself? It's been awhile since I dated, so I feel like I am acting completely like a dork and don't know what to do. He's funny and outgoing, but I also sense a bit of shyness in him. I don't want to spoil it by jumping the gun but if he used to be into me, why isn't he acting on it now? Should I make it more clear to him that I am most definitely into him?? I mean, I don't spend the night over at a guy's house that I'm NOT into...and now I'm terrified of rejection from him. Also, somehow I need to stop feeling so nervous. I don't act it in front of him but maybe he can pick up on it?

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I know you are not going to want to hear this but the best thing you can do is nothing. Do not worry about this guy and do not cut yourself off from dating other guys. You have options so use them. You cannot really know what he is thinking but if you back off he will make it clear to you eventually.


He may be shy but you two have already established a hangout routine so I would not say that is the reason he is not pursuing you. Give him his family time and make sure you stay happy in your life. This will really help you as you move forward no matter what he does.

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relax. show your interest when he gives you an opportunity to show it. otherwise, just keep on track with the rest of your life. if things are not developing as fast as you hope, or not developing in quite the way you planned, do not worry. freaking out will make him freak out, and then the whole thing is brought into question. ...also, keeping a sense that you are "in demand" outside of his demands is a good thing. don't be too available. it sounds as if he is interested...so as per usual, it is a bit of a waiting game, especially for the good ones.

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  • 4 weeks later...

Ok, so now I have an update: The man and I have been hanging out, averaging at least one date a week since I last posted. All of our get-togethers have been fun, and we really enjoy each other's company. Last week, we went out to a club and it was evident to most of our friends that we have a great chemistry. That night he went home with me, we stayed up listening to music and dancing together. We talked about how he couldn't wait to introduce me to the rest of his family and that he was glad that his aunt had developed a great affection for me. Things heated up and we wound up sleeping together. The morning was lovely but I had to work that day, so had to leave much to my disappointment and his. But I told him that he could stay if he wanted to and that I'd be home later to do whatever. Well, he stayed and waited for me. I thought maybe he wanted to go home by that point but he suggested a movie and dinner so we did that and he again stayed the night at my house. The next day I dropped him off at home and he said he'd be in touch. Well, that's the thing: it has now been two days and I have not received a call or text. Should I initiate contact with him? One of my friends told me that he might be waiting for ME to make the first move...and recommended that I send him a smiley face text and just leave it at that. I know he's been busy, but now I'm paranoid that the sleeping together thing might have freaked him out a little. Although...he could have just left the next day but he decided to stay and hang out again. Should I initiate contact?

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