Physical Attraction.

[onlineguy]

If a man finds a woman physically attractive then he has a pre disposition to want to be with her, to perhaps chat her up, flirt, be close to her .... etc etc etc.. Show indications of emotional interest.

(Not counting guys already in relationships)

 

Therefore since we are all human it stands to reason that if a woman finds a man physically attractive she will do the same...... Is that reasonable ? If she does not do that, then she simply does not find him physically attractive. Is that reasonable ?

[TakingtheBlame]

Uhhh...as far as I know, though we are all indeed human, male and female brains work differently with respect to many things, including attraction to the opposite sex. Also, not all men operate the same exact way with regard to physical attraction as you have described it (perhaps you can say a majority do...but we can never account for all members of humanity or a gender.) Sooo...I see your logic but I think it's way too broad and I don't think it would hold up in a scientific study.

 

Anyway, I digress. As a woman, I, personally, can say that I am indeed more inclined to want to chat with a man who I find physically attractive more so than a man who I find incredibly physically unattractive, but there are many gray areas. For example, I have seen many guys who look really good, but the clothes they are wearing and the way they are carrying themselves make them seem too arrogant and unapproachable so I wouldn't even waste my time. I have also seen guys who aren't all that physically attractive to me (perhaps a bit overweight, unpleasant face, stuff like that) but who seem interesting as far as personality or what they happen to be doing to pass the time, and that would make me more inclined to want to talk to them than an incredibly physically attractive guy who looks either standoffish or boring. So there are all sorts of variables there. But I'd hazard a guess that there are men out there who feel the same way about a woman...if she looks really hot but doesn't seem very bright or interesting, I'll bet there are men who would approach the more average (though obviously not horrific looking) woman instead.

[misssmithviii]

However, in being human - we sometimes do things that are not reasonable, that are irrational.

 

There are too many factors in why humans do what we do, to be able to confine it to the rules of what's reasonable and what isn't.

[ToF]

It's reasonable, except that you are making the assumption that the person in question (man or woman) will act on those predispositions. So, a woman might find a man attractive and have the desire to act in the ways you mentioned, but there are many reasons why she might not actually perform those actions, such as shyness and insecurity. Just because a woman doesn't show her attraction, doesn't mean it's not there.

[ProtestTheHero]

She has a predisposition to warmly receive a man initiating contact with her.

 

Here's the problem with expecting women to mirror men on this matter (I am totally ignoring any perceived unfairness of the way things work b/c that's a different question):

 

- There is a societal expectation for men to do the pursuing.

 

- There is a psychological reason for women to not want to pursue men. If a woman takes a bunch of time getting ready (beautifying herself, w/e the Hell you want to call it), she wants you to notice how good she looks and approach her. Many feel like they're not as attractive as "x" girl if they have to approach you because "x" girl is being approached, and of course they're just as pretty as "x" girl so why should they settle for less? They didn't put all that work to have to end up doing the ground work, too. It plays in to whether or not people feel desirable or wanted. Maybe mom told them not so nice things about aggressive girls, too.

 

- There is a practical reason for women not mirroring men -- they rarely have to. Most women get hit on, albeit in largely creepy, weird/strange, and undesirable ways. However, if they're already fielding a lot of "offers" and have the luxury of choice, why would they risk putting their own self-esteem/image on the line by being proactive when they don't have to be? It's like working on a really thorough, exhausting sales pitch to sell gasoline. It's a waste of time -- they're gonna buy it anyways.

 

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

[boonpop]

Funny, I say the same thing when talking to any of my female friends concerning guys and there interest in them. I say, put it like this, it's not typical human nature to walk up to the most grottiest, obese, fowl smelling person in an environment and ask them for there number to hang out. Call me shallow, but then ask yourself when is the last time you've done this?

If a guy approaches or spends anytime with you, then there is something about you that he is interested in. It's a woman's job to find out what that interest is, if she's curious. As for women, if you have to wonder whether or not a guy is interested in you, ask yourself this. "Would he still be calling, chatting, or flirting with me if I were disgusting, obese and fowl smelling?"

[halved]

the definition of physical attractiveness is different for everyone...for me, a man must APPEAR attractive, but he must also ACT attractive...these two components are essential to my personal recipe for physical attraction.

 

Personally, I don't like men who dress too well or are too groomed, strikes me as effeminate. I don't like shy men who can't look you in the eye, no matter if he looks like a calvin klein model. I don't like men who look more feminine than i do. I want to look and feel like a female and i want my man to look and act like a man.

 

Generally speaking if I do find a man physically attractive i.e. appearing and acting attractive, yes, I will show interest. BUT some people really truly are painfully shy...at the same time...I do believe that if someone is truly attracted to another human being, shyness flies out the window and you go for it

 

So there is another point to be made here...everyone has different standards for attraction. Some people only care about how a person looks. Some people only care about how a person acts. For me, the way a man acts can definitely influence my feelings of attraction towards him. So if initially I am not attracted by his looks I can still come to find him attractive via personality. Ideally, the person you want hits both marks of appearance and action...but for a lot of people your actions/personality can overcome any appearance issues.

 

It is hard to generalize, but anecdotally i do believe men care more about how a woman looks whereas women look at the whole package. Since men have more marks to hit than women do, women are subsequently less likely to do the approaching and more likely to be selective.

[tiredofvampires]

There is a deeply ingrained concern in most women who want something more than a fling -- and this is based in reality -- that a good percentage of men will mistakenly consider her taking the initiative to be an invitation to the bedroom. Whether this is a socially-programmed dynamic or a biologically-determined one (and I believe it's both, because in fact, the male of the species in most cases is the pursuer and the one doing the "courtship"/mating dance to impress her), the fact of the matter is that making the first moves on a man goes against the grain in every way. And this can (not always, but it's likely) trigger a set of primal "expectations" or assumptions.

 

So a woman who wants to make some moves may be fearing that she will automatically be judged as having a sexual agenda, which would then be taken for granted and she'd find herself moving too fast in a prospective situation. She would worry that taking things slowly while being assertive would be confusing and not sit well with the man, who has already shaped a sexual agenda/timeline himself based on her forwardness. And then that becomes an awkward situation for her where she feels either she's got to pull back and appear coy, or give in to sexual pressure that she really wasn't asking for.

 

But as other posters have pointed out, there are the possibilities that (assuming she's single and wants a relationship) she's shy, intimidated or hesitant for other reasons. She may wonder (especially if she finds the guy really attractive) if he's already taken, and not want to be presumptuous. Or she just may doubt herself and her attractiveness, and just like men, be afraid of being rejected. That happens. All the time. The fact that women don't have to make the first move also means that they will easily let an opportunity slide to signal interest, if they question themselves, and are no different from men in this way. And, just like men, they may later go home and start second-guessing themselves and kicking themselves for "not even smiling" or "not even saying hi" or whatever else they perceive they screwed up.

[BriarRose]

If a man finds a woman physically attractive then he has a pre disposition to want to be with her, to perhaps chat her up, flirt, be close to her .... etc etc etc.. Show indications of emotional interest.

(Not counting guys already in relationships)

 

Therefore since we are all human it stands to reason that if a woman finds a man physically attractive she will do the same...... Is that reasonable ? If she does not do that, then she simply does not find him physically attractive. Is that reasonable ?

 

It doesn't really work that way, biologically speaking. Men are wired to procreate. Women are not. Personally, I feel that men are much more visually oriented than women. You will often hear women say "he grew on me, I wasn't into him at first". With a man, they are generally attracted right away. If not, they aren't going to ask you out. A woman will often go out with a guy even if she doesn't feel that initial attraction.

[reboundstudent]

I strongly agree with ProtesttheHero and TiredofVampires. Additionally, I... distrust myself when it comes to guys I find REALLY physically attractive. There are a couple of reasons for this: 1) I assume a really attractive guy would never want me 2) I assume I will embarrass myself in some way, by being awkward or dorky or lame and 3) even if he does show interest in me, he might only want an ego stroke/quickie, and when it comes to intense physical attraction, I'm not as good at protecting myself emotionally and lastly 4) if he's very attractive there's a high likelihood he's a player/spoiled/conceded.

 

Frankly, I'm much more likely to show the kind of interest you're discussing to guys who trigger my emotional attraction and who pass the bar on my physical meter.

[reboundstudent]

I strongly agree with ProtesttheHero and TiredofVampires. Additionally, I... distrust myself when it comes to guys I find REALLY physically attractive. There are a couple of reasons for this: 1) I assume a really attractive guy would never want me 2) I assume I will embarrass myself in some way, by being awkward or dorky or lame and 3) even if he does show interest in me, he might only want an ego stroke/quickie, and when it comes to intense physical attraction, I'm not as good at protecting myself emotionally and lastly 4) if he's very attractive there's a high likelihood he's a player/spoiled/conceded.

 

Frankly, I'm much more likely to show the kind of interest you're discussing to guys who trigger my emotional attraction and who pass the bar on my physical meter.

[tiredofvampires]

BriarRose, your sig says it all for this thread:

 

"Men fall more and more in love with the woman they are attracted to and women become more and more attracted to the man they love." ~Sex, Lies and Videotape~

 

Truer words were never spoken.

[ProtestTheHero]

BriarRose, your sig says it all for this thread:

 

"Men fall more and more in love with the woman they are attracted to and women become more and more attracted to the man they love." ~Sex, Lies and Videotape~

 

Truer words were never spoken.

 

lol, I think I can think of a couple of words.

[tiredofvampires]

lol, I think I can think of a couple of words.

 

You know, I'm sure if I wracked my brains, I could come up with some good contenders, lol.

[listed]

If a man finds a woman physically attractive then he has a pre disposition to want to be with her, to perhaps chat her up, flirt, be close to her .... etc etc etc.. Show indications of emotional interest.

(Not counting guys already in relationships)

 

Therefore since we are all human it stands to reason that if a woman finds a man physically attractive she will do the same...... Is that reasonable ? If she does not do that, then she simply does not find him physically attractive. Is that reasonable ?

 

Wrong on both counts in my opinion. You can't really tell what's going on in someone's head. Even if someone is generally confident they can have different levels of confidence towards different people. I'm not saying that those things aren't good indicators. But someone could be attracted to person A and act that way because they're comfortable around and confident towards that person, but with person B they're less sure of themselves and are shyer towards him/her.

[Alezia]

Funnily enough, I still prefer to be more passive in a friendship situation with a guy (as opposed to a girl). It just feels wrong if you are always the conversation initiator.Granted, I've been taken for the past 5 years... And I'm referring to guys either in LTR or which are married.

 

I'm obviously not scared to think I am giving the guy a sexual agenda.

[onlineguy]

Just because a woman doesn't show her attraction, doesn't mean it's not there.

 

Eh..... No offence, but that has got to be one of the most confusing statements I have ever heard.... Why hide your attraction.... that makes no sense !! lol

[tiredofvampires]

Eh..... No offence, but that has got to be one of the most confusing statements I have ever heard.... Why hide your attraction.... that makes no sense !! lol

 

I think you've just gotten an entire threadful of reasons how that could happen, and why that makes sense.

[Day_Walker]

I think that you are trying to simplify a complex issue. As much as people may want to believe, people do not behave rationally When a person is involved in a situation, they lose objectivity and the ability to act rationally because they are too close to the issue.

[Weeb]

She has a predisposition to warmly receive a man initiating contact with her.

 

...

 

- There is a practical reason for women not mirroring men -- they rarely have to. Most women get hit on, albeit in largely creepy, weird/strange, and undesirable ways. However, if they're already fielding a lot of "offers" and have the luxury of choice, why would they risk putting their own self-esteem/image on the line by being proactive when they don't have to be? It's like working on a really thorough, exhausting sales pitch to sell gasoline. It's a waste of time -- they're gonna buy it anyways.

Yeah, the first part is really all anyone can expect (assuming she's single). People can be shy, just lazy about taking action to make things happen, or have many other reasons for not wanting to "make a move." I know guys who are attracted to girls and always hesitate to make a move because of fear of rejection. Nobody ALWAYS makes a move on the people they find attractive.

 

The second part up there I thought was funny. It's also true though. Besides that, if you get enough of the creepy/undesirable attention, it makes you a little afraid to talk to men, even ones that seem normal and not creepy. Also, while I rarely make direct moves with new guys, I think I give "opportunities" for guys I am interested in to make a move. I think a lot of women prefer to do that than be the one asking a guy out, but it isn't always something that is noticed.