nsomnia912 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I'm at work...its slow...thunderstorms...just a down day... I'm thinking about her.... It's really over...I mean its over. Even if she came back...I can't do it...I can't talk to her..she lied and cheated and is with capt fantastic staring in the remake of its a wonderful life. I just know in like 7 months I'm going to see them engaged....I keep thinking about it. Life is so cruel....guys I really loved her. It's gone now...its never coming back. While my healing has been phenomenal this past month...today is just sad. Im sad....she broke my heart... and the venom is still in there. F'n B%$!!!!! Link to comment
charity Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 you are having an off day. we all have them and they are hard but i promise tomorrow will be better. i remember my ex met the woman of his dreams a month after we split. she really was his type, so compatible with him, everything he ever wanted. i saw her and i felt sick. i literally would have picked her for him. i remember 'knowing' that they were gonna get engaged, or get pregnant or whatever and i dreaded it. anyway it never happened. they split up within 6 months. not that i am wishing badness on people , just don't want you to sit imagining and dreading stuff that may never happen. you will be ok, give it more time, the venom will pass if you work at it, then the sadness will start to lift. Link to comment
sadandalone Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I am so sorry you are having an off day, Stay Strong, it will pass.... HUGS to you... Link to comment
Tryptophan Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I was having a day like this yesterday, he cheated too. I had a rough night dreaming of them together so I woke up crying. I cried for 1 whole hour, maybe more. I wrote all my hatred towards him on a paper, and then wrote that I accepted it. Then I burnt it. It made me feel so much better after. Today I feel a little down but not as down as yesterday. You know what I found too, I don't know if you're religious and I'm not saying you should be (just sharing this about me), but I left God to deal with him. Not forgiving is a burden much too big to hold in our little hearts so I let it go. If you don't believe in God, just leave it to the world, leave it to Karma, leave it to something bigger than us. If you were wronged in any way, they will pay but don't hold that resentment with you. It's normal to feel it but be ready to let it go some day--better sooner than later. I spent so many days in pain, unhappy, resenting them both, and then that pain was much too big for my body to handle. So I started looking into forgiveness and it healed my pain somewhat. Siddhartha said, "Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned." and the same applies to the resentment and the pain we hold for those that hurt us. Don't let it burn you. Accept what she did to you, and learn to forgive, don't hold on to it too long. You'll learn on your own when the right time comes to let it go. Feel better. Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 Oh I have been working hard this past month. There is no evidence she ever existed in my life... I have been reading on meditation, god,Buddhism, Zen... Philosophy, everything...all my debts paid off...nothing on credit report...I'm working out and am 5 lbs gained towards my goal of 25.. I been going out...I stopped drinking, and trying to stop smoking...rebuilding bridges with friends/family...working lots of overtime.. Its just....god i cant believe it...3 years...take her 2 weeks to seal it with him....after she was securing it while stringing me along. Then no goodbye, no sorry, no thank you, no nothing...all i got was " you left me, you gave up the right to know about me" which she knows damn well if i hadnt left she would have as soon as she locked him in....no guilt, no remorse, no compassion, no respect...she just start scrwwing some new guy with no thought of me or emotions of our 3 years whatsoever.... And yes...I do not want someone like that in my life....I'm just so sad i got burned how I did...I'm so mad im left with the grief of a broken heart....while she can so easily ride some other guy, with no guilt about how she could end things the way she did with someone she was in love with and wantes to marry...not even 2 weeks before all this happened... So today I'm thinking about them and their wonderful life....him happy he swooped in and wrecked us..and her just so easily giving me the finger and falling for someone else...... She had a good guy...a loving, patient, honorable, funny, witty, charming, confident, compassionate, thoughtfull and creative, sexually adventurous, And she threw it all away. READ IT....YOU E. YOU THREW AWAY A GOOD THING! I even say to myself, well at least she is happy, someone had to hurt...id rather it be me...because I would be more sad if i knew she was suffering...... Ugh. Ride out the storm. They will get an owed debt for this one. And im not in any favor of mercy. Link to comment
fifregister Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Nicely said: To NSomnia912: I had to take the day off. I'm traveling for work so I'm actually holed up in my hotel room crying. Couldn't go anywhere because of the thunderstorms as well. The fact that we're grieving so deeply is because we have the capacity to love so deeply. It's within ourselves and it will come out again some day for the right person. Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 I am so very heartbroken.....listening to the songs I used to sing to her. Omg I've never been so heartbroken... Ugh....you threw it all away! Why? I mean why ? I just don't know how to breath without tears.... There is no other thing to say.....heartbreak....just utter heartbreak... Link to comment
nsomnia912 Posted June 24, 2011 Author Share Posted June 24, 2011 I am so very heartbroken.....listening to the songs I used to sing to her. Omg I've never been so heartbroken... Ugh....you threw it all away! Why? I mean why ? I just don't know how to breath without tears.... There is no other thing to say.....heartbreak....just utter heartbreak... this is why you do not sit home alone and drink yourself into oblivion! all it does it bring yourself needless pain... this morning its like i could care less.... its only when i drink i get that way... well drink heavily and at the midnight hour i start to listen to music, force myself to remember and cry... really???? pointless I dont know why.. shes never coming back... i hae no desire to hear from her... i dont want an apology, reconciliation. nothing... i was off booze for a week and it has been awesome... then i get a bottle and start gulping and before you know it... im forcing myself to cry and think and remember... lmao guys please do not drink during a breakup Link to comment
sadandalone Posted June 24, 2011 Share Posted June 24, 2011 912: Wow that could so have easily been me last night.....I drank last night but luckily I only drank myself into crying myself to sleep....I totally agree with you though....alcohol and BU's don't mix well at all.... Hope you are feeling better today... HUGS to you! Link to comment
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