Is she not being too forthcoming?

[a_lifters_life]

To give you the background of this convo below we had gotten in a massive fight, and we do not fight often. We fought about a funeral for her cousin who I had hardly knew, but she was somewhat close with - would see her on major holidays, but not other times during the year. This cousin was constantly sick throughout her life with cystic fybrous. Anyway we got into a huge fight over me coming to the funeral right before the wedding like a day before I was supposed to go to her house (1.5 drive) to go to the funeral; so I got so fed up I told her I wasn't going . Well, its like 2-3 weeks over now and all seems to be fine and we're made up and all, but I still felt like she wasn't alllll 100% cool with this:

 

Anyways, I had snooped on her fbk account today because I thought something was up and little did I know I found a convo with her and some guy with whom she went to high school with. I have never met the guy in all of 3+ years going out, but apparently they still keep in contact. He apparently took her to prom or something in highschool, but I just don't get it. PLEASE See the bolded and underlined below. Does it seem like she wants to get rid of me? Because she isnt too forthcoming if that's right.

 

Now, we haven't talked much at all today since we're both 'busy' even though she's talking to this guy...

 

 

HER:

heyyyyyyy its ### ### ####

 

HIM:

Hey! Sorry it took me so long to get back to you, I rarely get on internet here.

 

I am sorry to hear about your cousin, I haven't really lost anyone before but I know one day I will and it is one of my greatest fears. Was it Marc? I remember he had been very sick.

 

I would be thinking the same thing about if I were you. I am really surprised to be reading that he did something like that. He seemed like a typical "nice guy" (in a good way) and like you guys did everything to make the realtionship work (I remember how you told me all the hints you guys used to keep a long distance relationship strong when I was in Russia dating Jamie)

 

Has he done anything else really bad or out of the ordinary lately? If someone did that to me I dont think I would break up with them for that but it would put them at the end of their final straw with me.

 

Did he do that to be snitty because he is pissed about something? What he did is unacceptable but it could be him giving a sign that he is pissed about something, if thats the case its a really crappy way to go about doing it.

 

I hope everything else is going ok, China certainly is (most of the time lol) We will have to hit up the Diner when I get back. Keep me posted on the situation.

 

Best of luck, miss you,

 

 

HER

Hey! I know you prob don't get Internet to much. Thank you for responding. No it wasn't marc, it was my cousin Teresa she hd cystic fibrosis, it affects her lungs.

 

I dk he did say anything to me that he was pissed off. I dk I think we are going to try and work something out but it's just kinda at a distance now like I don't know how I feel how I can be with him ???.

 

Thanks for listening and yes when you get back we have to hang!! Be safe over there and hop the smog isn't to bad from the pollution can't wait to see you and miss you too!

 

HIM:

Hey,

 

There has been a last minute change of plans. I land in Newark this friday evening. I will not be gone until July 5th anymore, I sent you this weird private message because I'm not letting certain people know, but I want you and brit and whoever to.

 

Better see ya real soon

 

PS i might not be able to be reached at my regular cell number until sometime saturday.

 

HER: Hey woohoo!! You didn't get kicked out of the country did you?!? I won't be home this weekend but I will sure see you soon! Have a safe ride home!!

 

---

 

Keep in mind she's telling me that she loves me and misses me like as she typically would before this fight. It's like that's done and over with and I thought it was... until I read the above convo.

[chitown9]

It sounds like the both of you have been doing some sneaking around. She is confinding about your relationship with her ex...not a good sign. Sharing your business with the ex and now they are planning to meet up.

 

Sounds like that is a deal breaker to me.

[a_lifters_life]

This isn't an "ex", its a friend from her high school. She's 22 now, hes like almost..21. All I know about their history is he took her to a prom in high school and that 'he was like a brother to her'.. ?

[-Sanguine-]

A question just to make sure I understand..

 

why was it that you refused to go to her cousins funeral?

 

It does not sound like she wants to get rid of you. It sounds like she doesn't understand why you guys were fighting and why you didn't go to the funeral. It sounds like she is emotionally disconnected from you because of that. I think it sounds like two friends who are talking and nothing more.

[a_lifters_life]

A question just to make sure I understand..

 

why was it that you refused to go to her cousins funeral?

 

It does not sound like she wants to get rid of you. It sounds like she doesn't understand why you guys were fighting and why you didn't go to the funeral. It sounds like she is emotionally disconnected from you because of that. I think it sounds like two friends who are talking and nothing more.

 

The reason was: I was supposed to ONLY be able to make it to the funeral 'party' they were having after reception.

 

But, I knew she was so hurt that I decided I'd take off work the next day (it was a friday) and call her when I got off the train (on thursday) and tell her "GUESS WHAT?!? I'll be up tomorrow morning (friday) for BOTH the reception AND the party.

 

Well, this wasn't good enough for her as soon as I called her all excited to tell her the news I had taken off the next day to come up early - what does she do? BARK ORDERS at me "YOU MUST COME UP TONIGHT, otherwise you're going to be late for the reception", but I had told her I'd leave 7am for her house (1.5 drive) and the reception wasn't until the 11am... I mean you do the math.

 

So, she kept doing this and throwing a fit at me that I just got sick of it, because shes used to getting her way. So, I wasn't allowing that, because regardless of the horrible situation I was sick and tired of her acting that way.

[-Sanguine-]

Hmm, yeah she seems like she was overreacting definitely. Does she do that a lot? I still stick with my opinion about the two of them talking. Unless she's been doing other shady things lately I wouldn't think there was anything going on there.

[a_lifters_life]

Hmm, yeah she seems like she was overreacting definitely. Does she do that a lot? I still stick with my opinion about the two of them talking. Unless she's been doing other shady things lately I wouldn't think there was anything going on there.

 

She does do that often if it deals with her family, most-definitely.

 

I'm not saying something is going on, my question is: Does it seem like she wants to get rid of me?

[-Sanguine-]

She does do that often if it deals with her family, most-definitely.

 

I'm not saying something is going on, my question is: Does it seem like she wants to get rid of me?

 

Oh, okay. Well, that would not be my first thought. Again, it sounds like she is feeling disconnected from you and doesn't know how to act around you. I could be wrong, but that's what I'm getting from her message. I think you two should sit down and have a chat to figure out how each of you are feeling. Communication is key.

[a_lifters_life]

Oh, okay. Well, that would not be my first thought. Again, it sounds like she is feeling disconnected from you and doesn't know how to act around you. I could be wrong, but that's what I'm getting from her message. I think you two should sit down and have a chat to figure out how each of you are feeling. Communication is key.

 

Thanks Sanguine

[-Sanguine-]

Thanks Sanguine

 

No problem, I hope it works out for you!

[charity]

it definitely has left a mark on her. perhaps she is worrying that it looks bad to her family as well. i don't think she will dump you but the situation is still very much on her mind for sure. at least the other guy sounds like he's on your side.

[jenny_mcs]

So, because of the fight you didn't go to the funeral at all?

[tresqua]

She's mourning the loss of a close cousin and in a bad hurting emotional state, and all you're concerned about is that she might be chatting it up with some guy and that she freaked out on you and asked you to come early even though her calculations were off? You're sick and tired of her acting this way and you won't allow it! Congratulations, you won the battle. But you may have lost the war.