is there something wrong with me?

[sunnydd]

Im new and desperate. Im so confused right now and guess ill just tell you the whole story.

 

My boyfriend and i have been dating four years, we have had our share of problems but lately it seems like everything irriates him. We were in a car accident 10 months ago and we are both still recovering but we both still have a lot of pain. I mentioning this bc i think we are both frusrated that we cant do all the things we use to. Our sex life is non exsistant and this isnt his fault its mine. Its not that i dont love him, or find him attractive because i do. Its just that i am not interested in sex anymore and it fightens me.

 

Yesterday my bf comes to.me and says that im not meeting his needs. I understand but it hurts. He says he loves me but he doesnt feel emotional connected to me and doesnt want to waste his time if this relationship is a deadend. Im so hurt and i want to fix this. At the same time i dont know if i can. Is there something wrong with me? Why dont i want sex? Should i just step back now?

[hexaemeron]

Are you frightened of the sex or that you don't want it anymore? Was this change directly right after the accident?

[sunnydd]

Frightened that i dont want it anymore. It got worst after the accident

[hexaemeron]

So this was happening before then. Were you stressing, or just finding yourself bored in your relationship?

[tresqua]

If you sustained a major head injury and brain damage your sex drive could have been affected due to a change in the hormones secreted by the hypothalmus. Or, sex is just too painful due to the injury so you avoid it.

 

Either way, you're going to lose him and no other guy will want to be in a sexless relationship.

[sunnydd]

Stressed, yes. Even together we only make enough money to pay the bills if that some months. Then there are some family issues on his side that have been stressful, he had a falling out with his oldest brother which makes family get togethers impossible. Our appartment got broken into last september(for the second time) and my dad had a heart attack in april.

[hexaemeron]

Stressed, yes. Even together we only make enough money to pay the bills if that some months. Then there are some family issues on his side that have been stressful, he had a falling out with his oldest brother which makes family get togethers impossible. Our appartment got broken into last september(for the second time) and my dad had a heart attack in april.

 

Okay, so it's been a pretty eventful year. Wouldn't this be a prime opportunity for both of you to be there FOR each other? You have the ability to be there for each other. I'm not sure if you're shutting sex off as much as you yourself are just shutting down completely: sexually, emotionally, everything.

[shuttlefish]

[quote=sunnydd;4868564but lately it seems like everything irriates him.

 

. Our sex life is non exsistant and this isnt his fault its mine.

?

 

Love is awesome, in an ideal world everyone should love everyone else, however, realistically we don't have time for that. So you love your friends, and your family and your dog etc, but you save the best loving for that special person. AND we save our sex for that special person as well. No sex means that the special person is now in the friend/family/dog category. Worse than that, this special person, who we dont have sex with anymore, now prevents us from having sex with anyone else, or indeed, looking for someone else to have sex with.

Friend/family/dog category people would not prevent one from searching for sex so that special person is now a barrier to our happiness. At one time in our life, they WERE our happiness, but now they PREVENT our happiness.

Irritation and grudges now ensue

See?