Want her back....

[diarmuidz]

This is painful. I'm having a hard time dealing with my situation - and I just don't know how to proceed. Sorry in advance if I wrote too much here...

 

Earlier this year I was ecstatic - my dreams had come true after such a long time. I had told a girl, Maya*, I had feelings for her, and to my relief, she said the same. Our story goes back to when we were teenagers. Our families were very close and would meet up regularly for dinners/bbqs/big events. We inevitably became friends, mostly due to the fact that we share the same (lame) sense of humor. Over the years we often would call each other to talk, but it was always mutually platonic.

 

Eventually, I began medical school very far from home - but found skype and told Maya about it - and in no time we were video chatting. During my time in med school, with the frustration, exhaustion and challenges, Maya became my rock. We video skyped so often that my roomates assumed she was my girlfriend. Many precious study hours were spent on skype with her - talking about nonsense and laughing over ridiculous things together.

 

I began seeing her in a new light. With her being a beautiful, intelligent, funny, generous, kind and overall wonderful woman, I realized I was developing feelings for her, and began thinking about how perfect it would be if we were together. But I wanted to confess in person. In the meantime, we continued talking, and I waited for when we would meet face to face again.

 

Then this past winter, she had a week off and she suggested that she come visit me. I was so happy - a girl I was in love with was coming to see me, and I could finally confess my feelings to her. I was excited and scared at the same time. She came over, and after spending a few days together, seeing the city, introducing her to my friends, I finally told her how I felt and she said she felt the same!!! It couldn't have gone any smoother!!! A month later, I finished school and moved back home, happy to be living close to her again. We spoke everyday, met up often, and were intimate whenever it was possible. We even began speaking of marriage and how we would proceed.

 

NOW THE PROBLEM - one evening we met up for dinner - and she told me that maybe we should "hit pause". That "I don't deserve her", that "everything happened so fast" and things like that. I saw where this was going - she held my hand but she wanted to break up. She insisted that I didn't do anything wrong, but that she felt that maybe our lives are not compatible (she is in the middle of her Phd now). I told her I loved her, and that I want to work this out, and that we shouldn't just walk away from all of this, but she seemed to have made up her mind and I couldn't talk her out of it. Unfortunately, I did ask her to reconsider, I pleaded with her, and I am ashamed to say, had a few tears I couldn't control.

 

In the aftermath, I felt that if we kept in contact, maybe we could reconcile... so I reached out to her a few times on email. I tried to keep them light and humorous, like it has always been, but her responses were suddenly diplomatic, and a little distant. No longer warm or affectionate the way they were before. She no longer initiated contact with me, and it was killing me.

 

Eventually I couldn't hold back anymore, and sent her a long email telling her I want her back, explaining all the reasons why we make a great couple and why we should be together. She agreed with everything I said, but said that she still feels the same way.

 

I really do want her back, but all my friends tell me that I can't push for it. I have to let it go, and give her time and space to come back to me on her own if that's what she wants. So now I'm trying to emotionally detach myself. But sometimes when I think about her it makes me want to cry. I should be focusing on my medical career, but sometimes when I study I think about her and lose all my focus.

 

I am going on NC now. I feel that since our break-up I have initiated contact enough. It's up to her to get in touch with me now. I am just wondering... it's her birthday in a few weeks.... Should I just send her a few lines in a birthday email, or just stick to NC??

 

Anyone else been through a similar situation? She breaks up with you out of the blue, and you want her back so badly? How do you proceed? Was there reconciliation afterwards, and what helps?? I miss her so much, I've been so miserable since she left...

[miky077]

Well my situation is kinda similar, i mean the part with the break up that is i did try for a week to get her back but then i realized i'm wasting my time and went dead cold NC on her she started contacting everyday after that i ignored her for about 2weeks then finally responded when she sent an apology a very long apology. My advice to you move one women don't like needy men forget about her and move on. Let her do the contacting and don't reply to her like a needy child keep convos short.

I don't stay friends with my exes btw i find it to be a big waste of time that only ends up hurting you seeing them with another guy

[Eocsor]

I'm sorry but it's done. She's made it extremely clear where she stands on this. It doesn't matter if on paper everything seems perfect, she just doesn't love you. That absolutely sucks. The best thing you can do is put her out of your life. Yes, you'll feel like total crap for awhile. But you will get better. And you will heal. Work on your own hopes and dreams. Stay no contact. Friends won't work.

[timetogrow]

I am going through the similar situation like yours. Don't waste your time on this and move on. I know it hurts like hell but as time goes by you will realize you make the right choice.

[miky077]

Life is tough move on and forget her, i had it so hard i literally had dreams about my ex, i didn't have in 4months and my first dream was about her. Each dream has meaning the more i let go of her the more i will have a dream about her showing i'm doing the right thing, the day i deleted her off my facebook, phone, msn and youtube i had another dreams proving to me im on the right path, it time to let go and move on with your life, the sooner the better trust me

[jt214]

I'm sorry this is happening to you. It literally is the worst feeling in the world...I know because I went through something similar. Last fall I started dating a girl who I thought was the girl of my dreams. Everything was great she was my first love, etc. Problem was I was leaving in the spring to study abroad for a semester. We had always planned to stay together, but instead she dumped me before I left. I contacted her a lot while I was abroad but she never initiated...should have gotten it through my head that she didn't want me back but I kept hoping. Came back and visited her at the end of the spring, and she was very stand offish to me and said something that really got me mad, so I decided I was done.

 

No contact is a very good friend to have right now. It really is the best thing for you right now. Focus on yourself and school and do the absolute best you can to push her out of your head. Believe me though, it's hard. It's been six months since my ex and I split and I still think about her a lot. Try to be patient with yourself.

[diarmuidz]

Thanks everyone for your replies. It seems that the consensus is that I not contact her on her bday. It's sad because when we were together I had planned a few surprises to celebrate it, but now the situation is such that she won't even hear from me.

 

Here's my thing - sure I'm hurt over this. Devastated really - and while I'm going NC, do I shut out the possibility of reconciliation? I asked her if there was someone else, which she denies, and I believe her. So I don't feel betrayed or anything - just hurt and confused. I want to be able to forgive her if she asks me to take her back. I understand that day may in fact never come, so I refuse to feel this way forever. If she doesn't reach out to me soon, I'll eventually lose the feelings I have for her... but for now, my heart still wants her back - I can't just switch that off. Believe me, I've tried - exercise, meditating, watching "forgetting sarah marshall", listening to my friends lecture me breakups. I feel better in the moment, but it's temporary and afterwards I still find myself pining over her.

 

@miky077 - thanks for sharing. I don't remember my dreams often, but lately I've been dreaming of her a lot. Totally ruins my sleep because it feels intrusive and I don't like it. I'm glad that you've found peace with your situation. If she doesn't come back to me, I hope I can get to that point too.

btw, if she does reach out to me, I will take your advice and keep the convos short. no more long, drawn out chats like we used to have (at least for now).

 

@eocsor - thanks. you're right, I believe that friends won't work, at least not anymore. i know she's made it clear how she feels - it just feels so abrupt... a week before our break up we were intimate and she couldn't stop talking about how much she loves me, and then a few days later she puts me "on pause".

 

@timetogrow - sorry to hear that you're going through something similar. hopefully we find peace with the situation soon.

 

@jt214 - I hear you man.... you put the effort in to keep things good, and the other person just stops reciprocating. I know how it can be incredibly frustrating. It seems that NC is the key on how to deal with the person.... but focusing on stuff like school and other things is so incredibly hard. She was my first love and my first girlfriend too...

[diarmuidz]

Thanks everyone for your replies. It seems that the consensus is that I not contact her on her bday. It's sad because when we were together I had planned a few surprises to celebrate it, but now the situation is such that she won't even hear from me.

 

Here's my thing - sure I'm hurt over this. Devastated really - and while I'm going NC, do I shut out the possibility of reconciliation? I asked her if there was someone else, which she denies, and I believe her. So I don't feel betrayed or anything - just hurt and confused. I want to be able to forgive her if she asks me to take her back. I understand that day may in fact never come, so I refuse to feel this way forever. If she doesn't reach out to me soon, I'll eventually lose the feelings I have for her... but for now, my heart still wants her back - I can't just switch that off. Believe me, I've tried - exercise, meditating, watching "forgetting sarah marshall", listening to my friends lecture me breakups. I feel better in the moment, but it's temporary and afterwards I still find myself pining over her.

 

@miky077 - thanks for sharing. I don't remember my dreams often, but lately I've been dreaming of her a lot. Totally ruins my sleep because it feels intrusive and I don't like it. I'm glad that you've found peace with your situation. If she doesn't come back to me, I hope I can get to that point too.

btw, if she does reach out to me, I will take your advice and keep the convos short. no more long, drawn out chats like we used to have (at least for now).

 

@eocsor - thanks. you're right, I believe that friends won't work, at least not anymore. i know she's made it clear how she feels - it just feels so abrupt... a week before our break up we were intimate and she couldn't stop talking about how much she loves me, and then a few days later she puts me "on pause".

 

@timetogrow - sorry to hear that you're going through something similar. hopefully we find peace with the situation soon.

 

@jt214 - I hear you man.... you put the effort in to keep things good, and the other person just stops reciprocating. I know how it can be incredibly frustrating. It seems that NC is the key on how to deal with the person.... but focusing on stuff like school and other things is so incredibly hard. She was my first love and my first girlfriend too...