Will technology be the downfall of monogamous relationships??

[JonasWaingaro]

 

"Hon! Dinner's ready!"

 

No answer.

 

*goes downstairs into the study, sees SO enjoying a home cooked virtual meal made by virtual gal*

 

'what the....' ](*,)

 

Appetizing! fixed

 

I agree with this. Once it becomes interactive, it's a sexual ENCOUNTER.

 

But I'm bothered at the way the word "cheating" is thrown around. It's not "cheating" unless someone is lying and deceiving. If you're open with your SO about web cams, and cybering and sexting, that's not deceitful and therefore not cheating.

 

I agree completely. If those things are within the boundaries of a relationship it is not cheating. Another reason proper (non-judgmental) communication goes a long way in keeping a relationship healthy. A lot of this stuff could 'fixed' if people could get beyond the shame, fear, guilt, and all the other stuff associated with sexuality. Big if I guess.

[tiredofvampires]

HAHAHAHA!!!! Jonas, roflmao about the home-cooked meal!! You know, I think that'd have me spitting nails more than anything!! Wow, talk about a punch in the GUT!

 

I agree completely. If those things are within the boundaries of a relationship it is not cheating. Another reason proper (non-judgmental) communication goes a long way in keeping a relationship healthy. A lot of this stuff could 'fixed' if people could get beyond the shame, fear, guilt, and all the other stuff associated with sexuality. Big if I guess.

 

Yes, indeed. BIG if. None of that stuff is going away any time soon.

[JonasWaingaro]

HAHAHAHA!!!! Jonas, roflmao about the home-cooked meal!! You know, I think that'd have me spitting nails more than anything!! Wow, talk about a punch in the GUT!

 

Yes, indeed. BIG if. None of that stuff is going away any time soon.

 

lol I know right? But if you take this out far enough that's kinda where it leads. Virtual monogamy! lol

[oldenoughtoknow]

And....the race has begun!

 

"Hon! Dinner's ready!"

 

No answer.

 

*goes downstairs into the study, sees SO humping his computer for everything he's worth, while its canned moans and perfectly-programmed, randomized gasps throttle the speakers*

 

Appetizing!

 

TOV, you're on a roll today. Even more so than usual.

[ProtestTheHero]

I think that if you actually found yourself in this situation you might feel differently. You could be ok with the virtual sex itself, but would you be ok with it being done behind your back, outside of an agreement you thought you had in the relationship? I would not be upset about virtual sex, but I would be upset if it were happening without my knowledge and acceptance. It can be the dishonesty about something, not the something in and of itself, that does the damage and causes the hurt/betrayal.

 

It feels the same to me as an SO saying they dreamed about having sex with someone not named me.

[tiredofvampires]

lol I know right? But if you take this out far enough that's kinda where it leads. Virtual monogamy! lol

 

Yah, oh totally!

 

"I see. So what's missing with the meatballs I cook for you? At what point did you start needing more? Why have you never said anything? How long have you -- no, I -- no WE -- been living this lie?? What's her garlic bread like? Does she make it with REAL garlic or that instant powder CRAP?! I MAKE MY BREAD WITH A BREAD MACHINE AND FRESH CLOVES -- WHAT ELSE DID YOU THINK YOU NEEDED??!!!???!!"

 

TOV, you're on a roll today. Even more so than usual.

 

Heh... well, I hope that's in a "good" way, because um, after I got done with that one post, I thought, "I'm even more rambly than ever today! WTH, with all those digressive thoughts? Wonder if anyone is gonna READ that! I guess it's that kind of edit-malfunctioning kind of day!!" So I think you're defo on to me, oldenough!! Haha, but thanks.

[tiredofvampires]

It feels the same to me as an SO saying they dreamed about having sex with someone not named me.

 

A dream is not volitional though. You're not going out to seek some gratification in a dream.

 

I'm cool though about partners telling me their erotic dreams. Kind of a turn-on. But I see that as different.

[greywolf]

If I was with someone that had virtual sex, I think I'd see it as kinda lame more than anything else. =/

[ProtestTheHero]

A dream is not volitional though. You're not going out to seek some gratification in a dream.

 

I'm cool though about partners telling me their erotic dreams. Kind of a turn-on. But I see that as different.

 

That distinction isn't important to me because this is way too trivial to make me upset. It's like masturbating to a picture that's not of me. Doesn't bother me at all. Do it 500 times a day if you want.

[tiredofvampires]

That distinction isn't important to me because this is way too trivial to make me upset. It's like masturbating to a picture that's not of me. Doesn't bother me at all. Do it 500 times a day if you want.

 

Except that in this case, the picture is masturbating back at your SO in real time, along with her and because of her, and furthermore, asking her to do and say things that will bring him to a sexual peak as a result of their person-to-person interaction. And she will be equally playing out these gestures. So there'd be a lot of reciprocity in this scenario.

 

So you're saying this wouldn't bother you? (Edit: just so it's clear, I'm talking about having a PERSON -- not a counterfeit human being or avatar -- on the other end who she's interacting with and simulating sexual contact with.)

[Blue Spiral]

After belly-laughing my way accross the room hearing about this because it seems like such a ludicrous proposition that anyone would want to do that....

 

This is the "first, they laugh at you" stage of things. Yes, laugh at us wacky and pathetic non-traditional men, and ignore the increasing number of threads about male significant others that are focusing more on video games, porn, etc. Right now, men are focused more on sex--and though women are complaining about that, if that should ever change, you're kinda screwed, no pun intended. If we aren't excessively interested in sex, this whole relationship concept doesn't really work. Get ready to transition from "All they care about is sex, I hate that!" to "Oh my god, they don't care about sex anymore, what are we going to do??" (Not en masse, obviously, but as a very subtle and gradual trend.)

[ProtestTheHero]

Except that in this case, the picture is masturbating back at your SO in real time, along with her and because of her, and furthermore, asking her to do and say things that will bring him to a sexual peak as a result of their person-to-person interaction. And she will be equally playing out these gestures. So there'd be a lot of reciprocity in this scenario.

 

So you're saying this wouldn't bother you? (Edit: just so it's clear, I'm talking about having a PERSON -- not a counterfeit human being or avatar -- on the other end who she's interacting with and simulating sexual contact with.)

 

Four years ago it would have bothered me, but now now -- mostly because this woman wouldn't be my best friend or confident.

[tiredofvampires]

This is the "first, they laugh at you" stage of things. Yes, laugh at us wacky and pathetic non-traditional men, and ignore the increasing number of threads about male significant others that are focusing more on video games, porn, etc. Right now, men are focused more on sex--and though women are complaining about that, if that should ever change, you're kinda screwed, no pun intended. If we aren't excessively interested in sex, this whole relationship concept doesn't really work. Get ready to transition from "All they care about is sex, I hate that!" to "Oh my god, they don't care about sex anymore, what are we going to do??" (Not en masse, obviously, but as a very subtle and gradual trend.)

 

I'm not sure how, if you were reading my post without some kind of knee-jerk, you'd get the idea that I was mocking men -- traditional or non. If you looked at the video clip on the link I posted, you'll see a subject demonstrating how you'd virtually kiss someone, using what looks like a glorified drinking straw that you'd wag your tongue around on, which would generate a sensation on the other end, and the person you'd be "kissing" would then be prompted to return the "kiss." This is obviously a device designed for both men and women to operate equally, so my laughing at the (to me) almost fictionally sci-fi-ish nature of that -- which I see as defeating the purpose of a kiss (which is bodily contact-inspired passion, not just sensation) -- would be a laughter directed at anyone using it, male or female. It was totally gender non-specific.

 

Then I said that upon further reflection, I could see a useful and beneficial application of that. And that would be for those men who have not had sex and want to feel something as real as possible and practice with it (and I'd of course endorse a female-friendly version, but we don't see as much hand-wringing from female virgins, thus my speaking to the men). I see a huge advantage to using technology, if it could be perfected to almost replicate a sexual act, over paying to see a prostitute and worrying about STDs and the whole stigma of paying for sex. While I don't think breaking your virginity to a machine would be something you'd eagerly shout from the rooftops (and as I said, the authenticity would be questionable, per the premises of this thread), I think from a purely practical standpoint, it'd be a whole lot safer than a prostitute, it'd be a lot cheaper (if you wished to repeat the experience, once you'd purchased the equipment), and the end result would be the same, because as I pointed out, a hooker is not going to give you anything more than a mechanical-sensory experience anyway. A virtual sex session could fill that bill if the technology was perfected. So I saw that as a promising idea to reduce some suffering and apprehension significantly -- and as such, that's a supportive argument for the technology.

 

And I would think you, BS (no offense, just your initials), would have been my first fan of this idea. But you are always full of surprises.

 

Right now, men are focused more on sex

 

You mean, as opposed to before?

 

When I was in my late teens-20's, men were focused on sex. Before the internet/porn/Age of Technology boom.

 

When I was in my 30's, men were focused on sex.

 

And now, men are focused on sex.

 

Their focus has just found more avenues to express itself; though I find that with maturity, most men crave the nurturing and leisure aspects of sex more than just the raw sensations and thrills. Which is a function more of each man than society, and has little to do with technological advance.

 

I'm not too worried about the "now you're not laughing anymore" phase where they no longer wish to languish with me in the bedroom. I think that's a ways away. In fact, if the Age of Male Asexuality arrives, I think I'll probably have kicked off long before.

 

I know of a number of LTRs (not personally, but through close friends of my closest friends) that are sexLESS, and they are thriving. So I don't think that if I want a relationship somewhere between sexless and "excessively" sex-focused, I'm going to encounter quite the failure rate you're predicting. I do not predict any future relationship of mine falling apart because the man I'm with is not a porn/video-aholic. And if you've been on enough of these threads about women complaining about their men doing those things, you'll see that if I've ever bothered to post on them (which I usually don't), I've always said that stuff in moderation would be fine with me.

 

I'm against addiction or replacement of actual sexual intimacy with technology, if that's what you're advocating.

 

But to get back to the subject at hand, to be very honest with you, BS, if I ever found myself sucking on a polystyrene wang while a machine grunted and spurted strawberry-flavored jism down my throat (because if you can choose flavors, I'd get strawberry -- since I don't think they could quite get the DNA flav right, as it's too individual), I'd find myself thinking afterwards, "Damn. That was kind of lame (thank you, greywolf) and I feel pathetic." Then I'd belly-laugh myself accross the room.

 

But virgins are exempt from this. In all seriousness. Because I believe in solutions to problems that are safe, feasible and relieve gratuitous psychological burdens.

[DoGGYtREAts]

I dont think the technology it's self is the problem, I think its more of a culture thing. Everyone is so obsessed with "staying connected" via thier PDAs, Cellphones, Myspace, Facebook, etc that for those who are willing to stray find it easier to do so, Or those who are looking to Escape from reality gfind it easier to do so.

 

We live in an age where many children are growing up in Single parent homes, or both work. The Young culture is all over these technologies- The end result imho is that people aren't learning to value face time and Personal relationships. That in combination with them all having this new "alternative" right there in the room with them 24/7 Just leads many down that road.

[tiredofvampires]

Four years ago it would have bothered me, but now now -- mostly because this woman wouldn't be my best friend or confident.

 

So assuming you're in an established LTR...really serious about someone (this is your girlfriend), you're going on record essentially saying that if it weren't for the STD factor of her having sex with a random live, in-the-flesh person, sexual exclusivity is not something you'd be wanting or needing in a relationship?

 

Or are you saying that sexual exclusivity is maintained until one of you physically has a live encounter? What if STDs were taken off the table, or such an encounter left her as clean as she was with a virtual partner?

 

And I'm not clear on how her not being your best friend or confidente factors into this.

[ProtestTheHero]

So assuming you're in an established LTR...really serious about someone (this is your girlfriend), you're going on record essentially saying that if it weren't for the STD factor of her having sex with a random live, in-the-flesh person, sexual exclusivity is not something you'd be wanting or needing in a relationship?

 

Or are you saying that sexual exclusivity is maintained until one of you physically has a live encounter? What if STDs were taken off the table, or such an encounter left her as clean as she was with a virtual partner?

 

And I'm not clear on how her not being your best friend or confidente factors into this.

 

It's very difficult for me to answer questions about being in a "serious" LTR because what does "serious" mean? I refuse to get married, so this relationship wouldn't be going that route. She would not be as close to me as my friends and I wouldn't value her as much as I value my friends; she's just someone I'm seeing and if it stays that way for a while it's ok and if we break up immediately it's ok. I don't care what she does.