tresqua Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I don't know, I think the responses on this thread, while well intended, are a bit short sighted. Look, he loves this woman, he wants to spend the rest of his life with her but she's got ideas about this other guy. We all know about the "Grass is Greener" syndrome, much more often than not it's a disappointment, so odds are she'll be with this other guy for a while then come running back and with that major issue behind them, they're good to go, and she'll appreciate him even more. Sure there's a possibility that she'll hit it off with the other guy but from where I see it, he's got nothing to lose because she's going anyway. Might as well roll with it. Link to comment
TakingtheBlame Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I don't know, I think the responses on this thread, while well intended, are a bit short sighted. Look, he loves this woman, he wants to spend the rest of his life with her but she's got ideas about this other guy. We all know about the "Grass is Greener" syndrome, much more often than not it's a disappointment, so odds are she'll be with this other guy for a while then come running back and with that major issue behind them, they're good to go, and she'll appreciate him even more. Sure there's a possibility that she'll hit it off with the other guy but from where I see it, he's got nothing to lose because she's going anyway. Might as well roll with it. Sounds like this girl ALREADY appreciates the OP...she appreciates him because he puts up with her BS and is considering letting her come and go as she pleases instead of standing up for himself and demanding what he deserves. Regardless of her true intentions, her behavior is disrespectful and allowing it, on principle alone, is asking to be disrespected further. So let's say she's just suffering from GIGS and ends up returning to the OP's open arms. What's to stop her from pulling this same stunt five, ten years down the line? I would not trust this person as far as I could throw her. All that said, even if it was just good old fashioned GIGS with a twist...I would not take back someone who left me to test drive someone else under any circumstances, just on principle, and would not suggest the OP (or anyone else) do so either. Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 What's to stop her from pulling this same stunt five, ten years down the line? I would not trust this person as far as I could throw her. This other dude was what an insurance company might refer to as "A pre-existing condition". It's like blaming cigarette smoking on cancer when it turns out you already had it before you took the very first puff. Link to comment
iBroken Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Thats fantastic that he wants to be with her forever but love and a relationship are a two way street. Hes the only one on the road..... Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Thats fantastic that he wants to be with her forever but love and a relationship are a two way street. Hes the only one on the road..... Well, that's true, but in her defense she only got off at a nearby off ramp and she's taking a side road. Sure she may stop at a rest area but that doesn't mean she can't get back on the highway. Link to comment
Glowguy Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 C'mon are you seriously arguing a case for this person? Pre-existing conditions are not a choice. I'm sure everyone would happily get rid of their conditions if they could. She is choosing to hurt this guy, plain and simple. She's basically rubbing salt in the wounds the way she is going about it. Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I don't know, I think the responses on this thread, while well intended, are a bit short sighted. Look, he loves this woman, he wants to spend the rest of his life with her but she's got ideas about this other guy. We all know about the "Grass is Greener" syndrome, much more often than not it's a disappointment, so odds are she'll be with this other guy for a while then come running back and with that major issue behind them, they're good to go, and she'll appreciate him even more. Sure there's a possibility that she'll hit it off with the other guy but from where I see it, he's got nothing to lose because she's going anyway. Might as well roll with it. That's all well and fine...until the next guy comes along. 'Oh, I just need to date him for a bit to get it out of my system. Be a chump, er, champ and wait over there while I get it on with Larry, Curly, and Moe.' Who wants that in life? It's fine if they have an open relationship but that's not what's happening here. OP, dump her. Move on. Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 C'mon are you seriously arguing a case for this person? . Yes I am trying to play devils advocate here while at the same time making it clear that if any woman ever tried this on me I'd never speak to her again. He's not ready to give her up, he's in almost complete denial so I'm trying to find something we can work with here. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Yes I am trying to play devils advocate here while at the same time making it clear that if any woman ever tried this on me I'd never speak to her again. He's not ready to give her up, he's in almost complete denial so I'm trying to find something we can work with here. I think that the only thing he can really work with is to give her the space to 'sow her wild oats' while he goes out and does the same. He should date around, not wait for her to come back. neither are ready to be married or be in a serious relationship. him going out and dating other women will help him see what else is out there. it could also have the positive side effect of his ex-gf realizing that OP won't be sitting, waiting for her like a dog waiting for his master to come home from work. she might realize she's going to lose him. Link to comment
FarthestEdge Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Just curious OP, Are YOU allowed to get anything 'out of your system'? Or are you supposed to sit there like a schmuck all alone and lonely waiting for her to decide who gets her. Sorry OP, but I agree with the others, you are the backup plan. If you are the one she really wanted, and she was sure it was meant to be you, then there'd be no need to 'get him out of my system'...how does that even work? Sounds to me like he's going to get INTO her system. Don't wait for her. Go date other people. You just might find someone who doesn't make you feel like the consolation prize, and if/when she decides you are the one she wants after all, you just may have found that YOUR the one who got HER out of your system. (I can't believe the absolute selfishness and narcissim of some people. If she wants to break up, then break up. Don't hand the poor sap just enough BS to keep him waiting in the wings...Disgusting.) Link to comment
ToF Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 I don't know, I think the responses on this thread, while well intended, are a bit short sighted. Look, he loves this woman, he wants to spend the rest of his life with her but she's got ideas about this other guy. We all know about the "Grass is Greener" syndrome, much more often than not it's a disappointment, so odds are she'll be with this other guy for a while then come running back and with that major issue behind them, they're good to go, and she'll appreciate him even more. Sure there's a possibility that she'll hit it off with the other guy but from where I see it, he's got nothing to lose because she's going anyway. Might as well roll with it. I see where you're coming from with this advice. OP, if you take this approach, I strongly caution against waiting around for her to come back. Treat it as a firm and permanent break up and just move on as if you two are not going to get back together. Because, realistically speaking, there is a decent possibility that you won't get back together for a number of reasons. So it would be unwise to act as if she were coming back, because that would prevent you from growing, healing, or learning from this experience. Basically, if you spend this time waiting around for her, you will have made no progress if she ends up not getting back together with you. EDIT: That said, I agree with FarthestEdge's approach a little more. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Oh, this is so sad. The OP is so young - this has to hurt terribly. OP - wake up, my friend. Your whole relationship has been built on a house of cards. The whole time you've been dating, and having this "near" perfect relationship, she's been pining for someone else. In reality, you were just filler until she got her chance with this guy. No one goes off to sleep with someone else in order to make an existing relationship stronger. She is basically telling you it's over for you two, BUT, in case things don't work out with this guy, then she wants to be able to come back to you as back-up. Link to comment
danmam Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 Thanks for the advice everyone. I told her this morning that I was not OK with her doing this, that I've been through enough of her s**t and she's crazy if she thinks I should be OK with this. She responded that we should forget she mentioned the whole thing, and she wants to move forward as us. I told her I'd like that, but she needs to stop talking to this guy or things will never get better. To which she responded that she needs to be with nobody right now. So I'm kind of just rolling with that. If she decides to get with this guy, I sure as hell am not waiting around. You all opened my eyes to how selfish she is acting. Link to comment
annie24 Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Thanks for the advice everyone. I told her this morning that I was not OK with her doing this, that I've been through enough of her s**t and she's crazy if she thinks I should be OK with this. She responded that we should forget she mentioned the whole thing, and she wants to move forward as us. I told her I'd like that, but she needs to stop talking to this guy or things will never get better. To which she responded that she needs to be with nobody right now. Wow, so she goes from wanting to be with you, to wanting to be alone in the span of 30 seconds? wow. crazy!!! glad you realize this!!! Link to comment
ToF Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 So what do you mean by "rolling with that"? I hope you stick to you word - Don't talk to her if she is talking to him. Period. Link to comment
danmam Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 I will not date her if she continues talking to him. Link to comment
ToF Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 So are you still in contact with her now? Or are you going to let her call you when/if she decides to drop this guy? Link to comment
danmam Posted June 22, 2011 Author Share Posted June 22, 2011 I shot her a text today (probably a mistake) and she ignored it. So she can make the next contact. I may see her Friday at a party at my place, but who knows. I'm done with her unless she gives up this guy. I have put up with him as a detriment to our relationship for way too long. Link to comment
ToF Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Good. I think it'd be beneficial to treat this as a permanent break up. Link to comment
banal Posted June 22, 2011 Share Posted June 22, 2011 Thanks for the advice everyone. I told her this morning that I was not OK with her doing this, that I've been through enough of her s**t and she's crazy if she thinks I should be OK with this. She responded that we should forget she mentioned the whole thing, and she wants to move forward as us. I told her I'd like that, but she needs to stop talking to this guy or things will never get better. To which she responded that she needs to be with nobody right now. So I'm kind of just rolling with that. If she decides to get with this guy, I sure as hell am not waiting around. You all opened my eyes to how selfish she is acting. Good for you. It's hard to see the selfishness of others when they're so close to you. Link to comment
danmam Posted June 23, 2011 Author Share Posted June 23, 2011 That all said, are there any tips on how to handle a break up like this? Because christ almighty this * * * * is hard. Link to comment
tresqua Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 That all said, are there any tips on how to handle a break up like this? Because christ almighty this * * * * is hard. With dignity. Always better to stand up and walk out the door rather than watch from the sidelines as your ex makes a fool out of you. Link to comment
JonasWaingaro Posted June 23, 2011 Share Posted June 23, 2011 I shot her a text today (probably a mistake) and she ignored it. So she can make the next contact. I may see her Friday at a party at my place, but who knows. I'm done with her unless she gives up this guy. I have put up with him as a detriment to our relationship for way too long. Hey, good for you! You set your boundaries and now it's up to her to decide. Well done. Now stick to them! I agree with Tresqua, with dignity. I'd add honesty and your head held high. Can't go wrong like that. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.