Bad wife and bad mother??

[mette123]

So i've been with the same guy for 4 years. There's many things against us, fx i come from a muslim family and he doesn't, we live in 2 different countries and there is a pretty big age difference between us. Even though we have all these things against us we still love eachother and we want to be with eachother. Or atleast i do. Call me old fashion but i never go into a relationship unless i know that we might have a future together. He always says that i'm gonna be his wife and we also talk about what our childrens names should be and stuff like that so ofcourse i thought that he was serious about me. We fight a lot but recently he told me that he thinks that i will be a bad wife and a bad mother.. why? cause i don't have enough patience and i ''cry too much''. I broke up with him cause if he thinks i am going to be a bad mother and a bad wife i don't see no reason to be with him, but he apologized and said that he didn't mean it and now he wants to get back together. I admit that i can be , too emotional and i don't have enough patience sometimes, but what he said really hurt me. My family doesn't know i'm with him and if they find out they won't talk to me ever again. I love my family and i love him but if we get serious again then we have to tell my family at some point and then i would lose them, but i would still have him and that i have learned to accept. But after he told me that he thinks i'm gonna be a bad wife/mother i don't feel like it's worth losing my family over a guy who i might or might not have a future with. i want to be sure that we have a future together cause i can't handle taking the chance and ending up losing him AND my family. And also he keeps saying '' YOU broke up with ME'' as if he is a victim. I have tried to explain why i broke up but he just doesn't want to listen. I think he thinks that just because he apologized for what he said i have to apologize for breaking up too which i am not going to do. Anyway my question is, should i get back together with him? I know it seems like i shouldn't but we also have some good things that i don't want to let go of. I really love him. I just don't know what to do.

[Eocsor]

You two sound like a pair of 16 year olds arguing. How old are you? If this is the level of communication and problem solving skills you have in this relationship it's doomed no matter what you do. You need to learn to sit down and talk out your issues. Counselling might be a good step if you are serious about continuing on together.

[BellaDonna]

. Call me old fashion but i never go into a relationship unless i know that we might have a future together. He always says that i'm gonna be his wife and we also talk about what our childrens names should be and stuff like that so ofcourse i thought that he was serious about me.

 

Mette123, aside from the arguing about his predictions about whether you'd be a good wife and mother, do you and him have any solid plans to be together (physically in the same place) in the future? Have you 2 talked about who would be the one to relocate if you were to get married? If you had children would you be able to agree on how to raise them and find common ground between your different religious beliefs?

 

How did you meet and how much time during those 4 years have been spent together in person? It sounds like there are a lot of barriers to this relationship having a chance at working out for the long term unless there are concrete plans and timelines of when it would be taken to the next level of commitment to join your separate lives. Also, I agree with the previous poster who mentioned how important communication and problem solving skills are in order for a relationship to last.