I feel my boyfriend is doing things behind my back but I have no prove?

[cursedgirl]

ok first to be fair,he treats me very good.

second I feel he's doing things without telling me.like he adds lots random girls on FB (many of whom dress revealing) and he once updated a status like" home alone,bored,msg me" when I was having a uni exam. and he often checks his phone.(not on it all the time though) im sure he is msging girls.but i cant say they are talking inappropriately.

he hates people snooping so I never ask who is he txting or what is he doing on the phone,and I very rarely mentioned FB he always denies and says I'm paranoied.

he actually prouds himself for not cheating and he hates that too.

so I don't know what is happening. maybe he isn't doing anything.maybe he is just talking to them/harmless flirting at most, or maybe he is having some real sort of emotional affair?(cuz I'm sure he isn't physically cheating.his life is home-work-home,occasionaly friend's home)

but i dont have prove.and snooping to get prove isnt a good idea. so what should i do?

[delboi]

The best indication that he is doing something behind your back, is that you suspect it and have that gut feeling...

 

However obviously its not 100% guarenteed, but i think hes probably doing things he shouldnt be.

sorry i know its not what you wanted to hear, just being realistic with you.

 

Men can be good liars, remember that, be sure you have proof otherwise he will prob turn this around and make you look bad, and convince you hes not cheating... plus girls in love usually live in denial about there fellas doing things behind there back.

 

Of course maybe hes innocent.

[lukeb]

Would you leave him if your fears of him talking inappropriately to other girls on facebook turn out to be true?

[cursedgirl]

The best indication that he is doing something behind your back, is that you suspect it and have that gut feeling...

 

However obviously its not 100% guarenteed, but i think hes probably doing things he shouldnt be.

sorry i know its not what you wanted to hear, just being realistic with you.

 

Men can be good liars, remember that, be sure you have proof otherwise he will prob turn this around and make you look bad, and convince you hes not cheating... plus girls in love usually live in denial about there fellas doing things behind there back.

 

Of course maybe hes innocent.

how can i have prove?

[cursedgirl]

Would you leave him if your fears of him talking inappropriately to other girls on facebook turn out to be true?

if it turned out true,that would mean he is cheating then of course i would leave

[Dionys]

Hi. The interesting point here is why would you only leave him if you found out that he was cheating?

 

Don't you think that adding sexily-dressed girls on FB says enough? While it might not prove that he is physically cheating, I bet your bf is getting a right ego massage from having lots of flirty exchanges with these girls, where there is no mention of having you as a gf.

 

I think what he is doing is pretty immature and disrespectful to you. It shows that he needs a lot of attention and in a way suggests that he is a little hooked on something that is not helpful towards your relationship.

 

I think you need to talk to him about it and explain how it makes you feel. If your immediate reaction to this is "Erm..no way!" then you have to ask yourself why you're willing to put up with something bad just for the sake of having a bf. It's not worth it.

 

Things like this will eat away into your self-esteem, make you second guess everything he says and does, and you will end up driving yourself nuts.

 

Talk to him and see his reaction. I also find it odd how he professes that he is not a cheat. Ever heard of the phrase ''those who doth protest too much''?! Sounds like a guilty person speaking with something to prove.

 

Be on guard.

 

And good luck!

[elcie]

What Dionys says makes sense. Adding random sexy girls is not a good sign.

 

Does your BF have as his status that he is in a relationship? If he doesn't, why not ask him to change it and see what his reaction is. That could be all the proof you need!

[cursedgirl]

isnt it silly to break up because i guess he is cheating? i agree what he's doing is not smart. but that isnt my boundary. i mean,i think he likes ego boost,or maybe is obssessed with attention. however i think everyone has some personality issues.As longs as he doesnt cross the line,im all fine with it. and he is a good bf in every other aspect.so i think its not worth breaking up?

he doesnt protest that he isnt a cheater.he just says it during our normal conversation. i always say i wont cheat too,and it;s true to me.i did talk to him sometimes. and he's attitute is basically "i know flirting and such cross the line. but im not doing it. im not hoping for fling or whatever. you dont trust me." if he insists,what can i say? i dont have any proof..so these convos all end up unsettled.

but i guess i can either move on or end it?

[cursedgirl]

What Dionys says makes sense. Adding random sexy girls is not a good sign.

 

Does your BF have as his status that he is in a relationship? If he doesn't, why not ask him to change it and see what his reaction is. That could be all the proof you need!

yes he does have me as gf on his FB. his friends,family,coworkers all know about me

[Dionys]

You sound really indecisive. You start off by saying that some of those things are not enough to break up with him and then you end by writing your options: either move on or end it.

 

I know how you must be feeling a bit: you obviously don't want to kick up a fuss when in reality nothing is going on and then end things, only to find out that you've lost a good guy. No woman wants that.

 

You have the option to snoop but I would highly recommend against that.

 

As I wrote before, the best option you have is to talk to your bf and tell him how it makes you feel. Of course there's a possibility that you don't want to seem like the jealously possessive girlfriend, but I think his behavior by adding lots of scantily-dressed women is a good enough reason to talk to him. Don't you?

 

You need to be able to tell him how you feel and what makes you feel good, weird, bad, or jealous. I think you'll find that once you get through all of this and he respects and appreciates you enough to stop, then you'll look back and be glad that you talked to him about it.

 

There is the chance that your bf will take this badly and he may start accusing you of being silly and jealous. He may even pull away to 'punish' you should he be the type.

 

I think the thing we are trying to find out here, is really how he sees your relationship and what he is willing to sacrifice to make you feel better.

 

I think how you talk to him about this is really important. Don't get too emotional if possible. Prepare him with some light words saying that you'd like to talk to him about something and you hope that he doesn't get mad, that you're not trying to control his life, it's just a matter of things not making you feel comfortable.

 

If he does change for you, beware that you don't start marching up to your bf with a list of things that make you feel uncomfortable, because that will not sit well with him I think.

 

Good luck.