waiting until marriage- could you do it?

[Sunshin3]

I've been sexually active before but after having a baby with a douche bag I've decided to wait until I'm married to have sex again.

 

Obviously this will be a little challenging but I'm sure its possible.

 

What are your experiences with waiting until marriage?

[DoGGYtREAts]

I didn't manage to do it... I come from a fairly liberal family tho. I will say however i Have never engaged in Casual sex or quickie flings. I have only been physically intimate with 2 girls in my life (im 22) Including currently My Fieance. It's a personal choice I just As soon engage in 'self service' then take the risk of casually 'hooking up'.

[OptomisticGirl]

Never was going to and don't think I could have. I have only been with 2 people though (Ex and fiance). IMO sexual compatibility is just as important as any other kind of compatbility which is why I would never have waited until marriage.

[abitbroken]

I think its doable if you stick to your guns, but also are very proactive about emotionally sharing and being emotionally intimate, including talking about sex when the time comes - it is important to talk to your partner, if you both feel you are headed towards marriage about your individual preferences, etc. Also, I think that you should allow kissing, etc.because that helps you with the whole "is there spark thing"? It doesn't have to be "anything but" meaning full nudity and ejaculation, just not "sticking it in". The way to avoid that is to not be alone in the dark with a new man. You part ways for awhile at that time, and then talk about what you'd like to do - that you are waiting until marriage, and let him know what your limits are and the REASON - because of your faith or you simply want a clear head and to fully know that you are with the right man before jumping in the sack. I think a lot of compatibility comes with communication, IMHO

[He2Him]

Would I be able to manage to wait? - yes, piece of cake really.

Would I want to wait - no. For the reason mentioned above - the one from OptimisticGirl.

[Oneironaut]

Sexual pleasure is one of life's treasures...I could never, ever pledge myself to a man "until death do us part" without knowing for absolute certain that there was at least some degree of sexual compatibility. To me, this would be as irrational as buying a house without ever taking a look inside, or buying a car without test driving it. Too many people have done it while thinking, "Eh, we'll figure it out later" and ended up miserable as hell...no, thanks.

[PlumCrazy]

Frankly, i dont see the point, at least in my life

[chitown9]

Since you have a child I think it would be confusing to men as to why you want to wait for marriage before having sexual relations.

[Pegasus]

This sounds kind of as closing the stable door after the horse has bolted.

 

I mean, what is the point of it except trying not to get pregnant again?

[BMP2CPM]

1) What kind of guy would put up with that? There certainly are some out there that will. But consider that it will narrow your options quite a bit. Basically, you can only date uber-religious guys, guys with zero sex drive, and guys that have major fears about sex.

2) Do you really want to limit yourself to that kind of guy? I kind of doubt it.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Since you have a child I think it would be confusing to men as to why you want to wait for marriage before having sexual relations.

 

I agree. I have met "born again virgins" and I find it kind of hypocritical because they went out and had their fun and now want to re-claim "purity". It just doesn't work that way.

[Sunshin3]

1) What kind of guy would put up with that? There certainly are some out there that will. But consider that it will narrow your options quite a bit. Basically, you can only date uber-religious guys, guys with zero sex drive, and guys that have major fears about sex.

2) Do you really want to limit yourself to that kind of guy? I kind of doubt it.

 

Men with respect for his significant others beliefs would.

I'm seeing someone now that is completley okay with the fact, and hes not religious at all, has a sex drive and I'm sure hes not afraid of sex.

This doesn't mean that there will be no sexual pleasure in the relationship, just not sex.

I'm not prepared to have another unexpected pregnancy even while using contreception.

[Sunshin3]

I agree. I have met "born again virgins" and I find it kind of hypocritical because they went out and had their fun and now want to re-claim "purity". It just doesn't work that way.

 

I'm not re-claiming purity at all. I'm simply not ready to have sex again until I'm with the man I'm going to marry.

[Sunshin3]

This sounds kind of as closing the stable door after the horse has bolted.

 

I mean, what is the point of it except trying not to get pregnant again?

 

I've been used too many times and I definatley don't want to get pregnant again.

[hexaemeron]

It's probably a better idea not to date douchebags, imho. Sexual compatibility is important in a relationship and just because you don't want to punt out another kid, you're overcompensating here. Why not get to know someone, take the time and when you're ready (Not some BS arbitrary timeframe), judge whether this person is right for you and then take those steps? If someone told me I couldn't be intimate with them until marriage, the last thing that person would hear is my uninterrupted, raucous, gleeful laughter as I ran away down the street.

 

But you know, that's just me.

[happyfrank]

Having bad sexual chemistry can ruin any relationship. It's best to have sex before marriage imo.

[Huntress0527]

I agree with the other posters. I need to test drive the car before I buy it so to speak. Just take the necessary precautions in your next relationship.

[Day_Walker]

I dont buy into the idea that waiting to have sex until married is a good idea. I think it would be more productive to examine the guys that you have dated and ensure that you dont date guys who arent worthy. Not having sex until you get married wont solve the problem of you dating d-bags.

[dangletsbang]

I couldn't wait and would not wait until marriage. I'm a very sexual person and if I got into a marriage with someone who wasn't in tune with my needs/vice versa, it would put strain on the relationship which could've been avoided if we had just done it. Avoiding sex before marriage won't prevent you from dating unworthy people.

[OptomisticGirl]

It's not even about finding out if they are good in bed - although that's always a plus! - but it's more of how you fit together. I can not be with a selfish lover. I have been with one before and it drove me crazy not to have my needs met, ever, or to feel like my needs didn't matter. And that's really something you only find out by doing it. Someone can talk a good game about being a giving lover but that doesn't mean they will be and vice versatile for selfless lover. Nor saying not doing it before marriage is bad, it is after all a opinion but it's like living with someone before marriage.

[rosephase]

You would give up the joys of sex, the pleasure, the pair bonding, the fun of it all because you are scared that you'll get pregnant again? Get on the pill or better yet get an IUD and use condoms. Honestly it sounds like living your life in fear of something that is easily and effectively preventable.

 

Were you on birth control when you got pregnant the first time?

[Foxfire21]

I think you have the same problem that I have. The fear to open and vulnerable. Because being open means putting your whole trust in that S.O. And you fear to be used or mistreated if you become open to that person.

 

I'm the same way. I wanted to wait until marriage because I didn't want to be mistreated after the having sex with guy. I also feared on getting pregnant or getting an STD(Still am). But I realized that even if I did wait until marriage I still wouldn't trust him enough to have sex with me. Now I'm with someone that love dearly and yes we did have sex. And I'm slowly learning to be okay with being open with him.

 

All I'm saying is that get to know the guys for a bit before having sex with them. Ask the question, Can I REALLY be open and trusting to this guy that I'm with right now?

 

Cause from I learned on here on E-notalone is that a guy can still be a jerk even if he wants to wait until marriage and vice versa. Just choose carefully.

[Blue Spiral]

Get an IUD and avoid any guys that look like they just stepped off of Jersey Shore.

[The_Seeker]

I think I can. But it depends.

 

I'm still a virgin and I'm 23.

 

I get the "test drive it before you buy it" concept.

 

It's a personal choice I'm waiting until marriage. LOL I guess I know how I am.

 

If I am financially stable then I might not. Since I'm not, I'm not going to risk it despite the fact there are protection and blah blah blah. I want to be able to support the child if I do end up being pregnant.

[Seraphim]

Men with respect for his significant others beliefs would.

I'm seeing someone now that is completley okay with the fact, and hes not religious at all, has a sex drive and I'm sure hes not afraid of sex.

This doesn't mean that there will be no sexual pleasure in the relationship, just not sex.

I'm not prepared to have another unexpected pregnancy even while using contreception.

 

You don't have to be ridiculed for your choice. If that is what you both believe in that is good. Too many people hop into bed far too fast anyway. Anyone who demands to have sex too early or before you are ready is not worth the time. My husband and I went out for 6 months before we got to the sex part. He did not leave me and I knew he genuinely cared about me and not just for a body to sleep with.