Should we move in without a guaranteed furture together?

[mka]

I (24 years old) have been with my boyfriend (30 years old) for over 2 years and we are happily dating in a serious relationship. I would like to settle down with him and I'm sure he feels the same way. I own my own home and he lives at home with his parents. He's living with his parents because he is not financially stable and doesn't have enough money to purchase a place of his own.

 

I recently have asked him to move in with me at my home. (I wanted him to move in with my because living alone can get lonely and if I want a future with his guy moving in would be heading in the right direction). Asking him took a lot of persuading from my part because I know he is comfortable living at home. He then finally agreed to move in with me but we are both thinking in about the next couple of months before we actually move in together, (so it hasn’t happened yet).

 

Eventually I would like us to save money while living together and then purchase a house together. The problem is that he has made it clear (through previous converstaions) that he does not want to be in debt and miserable paying off a mortgage. I personally think he is just scared because he knows he does not have the money, but the way I see it is that "We are doing it together and where in it together".

 

I don't know what to do. I want him to move in so we can go to the next level but what is the point of him moving in if he has no plans to eventually want to purchase a home with me. Am I going to have him live off me forever just because he is too scared to buy a new home with me? I just want us to have a place of our own. I eventually want to get married and have children so I’m trying to do the right thing by getting a place settled for both of us.

[annie24]

I think him moving in does not necessarily mean that marriage is the next step. if anything, it can sometimes delay the transition into marriage. Have you talked to him about getting married one day? How does he feel about that? I would find out the answer to that BEFORE moving in together.

[DoGGYtREAts]

I can relate to this a Bit. I met this girl Tanya on Myspace when I was 19. Before long we Hit it off and things moved along fairly quickly as they often do at that age- Around 21 I gave up a LOT to move closer to her.. I really had pretty much nothing lined up and only highschool education (i canned a chance at college just to go be with her) Any ways Yeah I was in quite a position and couldnt really do much.. I ended up getting a shiddy 1 room apartment and took a job doing roofing to get by And still stubbornely drove accross town after a long day of work almost every single day to spend time with her (even staying the night many times)

 

We currently Have a fairly nice apartment together (everythign in here being hers.. what do you want I dont make much lol) But she too wants to get a house and were currently looking. Given our Age and limited credit history (were only 22- currently engaged) It's really hard in the current economy. we pretty much found that they price range she's interested in means she'll be getting the place in her name- They wont issue a mortgage with my name on it because of my income and almost no credit history. Really we dont have a problem with it that way. I honestly dont give a (insert explitive here) rather im on the paperwork or not. We decided early on that we would keep this about our feelings for one another and not finances. If she wants to get a bigger house and have it soley in her name thats fine with me- If something were to happen and she died or we broke up I wouldnt want anything to do with the place anyways so

 

Anyways.. Just enjoy your relationship and remember settling down together should be a matter of the heart not a matter of Paperwork.

[Capricorn3]

I think him moving in does not necessarily mean that marriage is the next step. if anything, it can sometimes delay the transition into marriage. Have you talked to him about getting married one day? How does he feel about that? I would find out the answer to that BEFORE moving in together.

I agree with the above. I don't think marriage will happen just because he moved in with you.

 

"Am I going to have him live off me forever just because he is too scared to buy a new home with me?"

 

Sad to say, but my gut feeling says YES. He's 30 years old and seems happy living with his parents. Next, he'll move in with you and seeing as you already have a place of your own, I doubt he'll want to buy a house together.

 

I think it would be wise to discuss your future, marriage and children BEFORE he moves in with you.

[DoGGYtREAts]

I agree with the above. I don't think marriage will happen just because he moved in with you.

 

"Am I going to have him live off me forever just because he is too scared to buy a new home with me?"

 

Sad to say, but my gut feeling says YES. He's 30 years old and seems happy living with his parents. Next, he'll move in with you and seeing as you already have a place of your own, I doubt he'll want to buy a house together.

 

I think it would be wise to discuss your future, marriage and children BEFORE he moves in with you.

I think that's a bit speculative based on the info provided. It's definitely worth discussing in depth before hand tho.. Make sure your expectations are clear and understood Before hand

[Capricorn3]

I think that's a bit speculative based on the info provided.

That's right. We can only comment on the information provided, and that's what I did.

[DoGGYtREAts]

That's right. We can only comment on the information provided, and that's what I did.

I dont think theres enough there (history, personality, etc) to make an assumption about his long term intentions- But i digress.

As i said definitely if your going to "play house" its worth laying down your expectations tho so theres no regrets....

[abitbroken]

I wouldn't and here is why: You are having to persuade him, rather than you are two people who have both individually come to the same conclusion. Also, you have decided that you want to settle down with him and "are sure" that he feels the same way. That's not "sure". Also, this young man is not financially stable and it seems you are trying to bring financial stability to the relationship and its not the way to go. You want both parties to be financially responsible even if one doesn't make nearly as much - its the choices. Also, you want him tp have experienced paying his own bills and sinking or swimming a little on his own. I give the same advice to a financially unstable woman leaping from mom and dad's house to a man's house and not being married. But in this day and age, its better to have lived on your own or had a roommate at least that is not related and not involved with your bills or is not in a relationship with you.

 

I think, honestly you are wanting to take the place of his mother so he'll do it. I was in your shoes with a man who was older tahn your guy and I convinced him to do it and it didn't make him any more ready to marry. 4 years of living together and it still didn't happen or come up in a way that was positive. he just freaked every time. So please be happy with your own home and having him visit while he rents a room or an apartment for awhile.