how to get over ex when your environment constantly reminds you of them...

[caughtinabadon]

Hello all,

 

Basically I have been doing everything that you would to get your mind off an ex and for you to move on (no contact for months, meeting/talking to new people, going out with friends, starting new hobbies, spending more time with family, focusing on school/work, deleted ex from all social media sites, phone, put their things in a box and out of sight etc etc)

 

so I am not reminded of them as much and it is getting better over time, although there hasn't been a day where I have not thought about them because of my environment in certain instances,

 

for example I can have an absolutely amazing day doing things outside and keeping myself preoccupied but waking up and falling asleep my mind will roam on random topics and some will trigger certain memories.

 

When walking around campus (ex graduated already) I constantly am going through areas that trigger vivid memories and I can not just avoid these areas as we started dating on campus and would do things everywhere there so I am constantly reminded of her by classes, classrooms, libraries, walkways etc etc on a daily basis

 

driving home for the weekend I have to pass through her city as it is the main freeway, and you can see all the buildings and beaches among the exits I frequented to meet her and this constantly reminds me of her passing through each way

 

the above are just a couple examples, but there are many many more instances that just happen to remind me of her throughout the day and there is nothing I can do. This is holding my progress back and I feel so helpless and overwhelmed. Yeah talking on the phone or being with friends helps when in these areas but you cant possibly rely on that outlet everyday.... any advice or thoughts? thank you for reading!

[dramallama]

Try to get involved in new things and aim to create new memories. Gradually you'll find that you associate a certain area of your campus with studying, instead of her, or that place where you talked to a new group of friends. It might be worth trying to tell yourself to think of something else instead of staying stuck on reminiscing.

[Blue Skittles]

It will eventually get easier. But I know what you mean. I still have not taken out my bicycle since the break-up because it reminds me of him (something we frequently did together).

Just keep doing what you are doing, keeping yourself busy.. and eventually your memories will fade into a distant part of your past. I always like to think that every day that passes will get easier (and it has) and soon I will feel better. Keep a positive attitude --- thats been helping me a lot.

[thusspokemara]

It takes time for the areas of your brain associated with memory to begin associating these locations with different stored images. The more powerful the memory, the more difficult it is to re-associate (phobias). There's a church in my hometown that I still vividly connect with my first relationship, along with the Northeast Blackout of 2003. We spent the night drinking far below legal age and then stumbled in the pitch black back to her home. They'll fade with time, as long as they aren't constantly being reinforced, but you'll probably never completely erase the association.

[dramallama]

It takes time for the areas of your brain associated with memory to begin associating these locations with different stored images. The more powerful the memory, the more difficult it is to re-associate (phobias). There's a church in my hometown that I still vividly connect with my first relationship, along with the Northeast Blackout of 2003. We spent the night drinking far below legal age and then stumbled in the pitch black back to her home. They'll fade with time, as long as they aren't constantly being reinforced, but you'll probably never completely erase the association.

On the flipside, if you were to attend that same church every week and meet new people there, then gradually it wouldn't even remind you of your ex, just church.

[caughtinabadon]

Thanks for the replies everyone. Don't get me wrong, I have since made many new great memories on campus and the surrounding areas with family and friends but still find myself reminded of her randomly.

 

Campus isn't as bad as I am surrounded by students (many cute girls) so that easily breaks the thoughts. Driving past her city, seeing the signs, exits, buildings etc is another story though.

 

They are associated with happy thoughts. Do you think that if I force my self to think of the bad things in our relationship when ever I pass her city that it will associate itself naturally? (something to the tune of pavalov and classical conditioning)

 

I guess it's worth a shot...

[dramallama]

You could try that. But let time do its work as well. That works wonders.

[thusspokemara]

On the flipside, if you were to attend that same church every week and meet new people there, then gradually it wouldn't even remind you of your ex, just church.

 

I say vividly because the Blackout of 2003 was an extremely memorable/somewhat enjoyable experience (if you were young), so I don't believe I'll be diluting that memory anytime soon. Hypothetically, perhaps if I was a Christian, and decided to attend said church I would associate it with whatever it is that particular Lutheran minister is preaching over a period of time. I'll stick with the teenage hijinks and Blackout.

[dramallama]

I was just using that as an example. It wasn't really about you.